Celebrity Fighting Alliance: All Out Celebrities Attack!

This was an idea I had about three years back on the subfighter forums. I am bringing it to life for you, the readers. So, please enjoy and let me know what you think and what matchups you would like to see

Good evening ladies and gentleman of Bleacher Report. Tonight we have a special show of mixed fighting action with all your favorite celebrity stars.

Fighting for pride, glory, and a six-figured paycheck; these celebrities have laid it all out on the line training tirelessly just to give you, the fans, the best show possible.

On the card tonight we have such sensational celebrities as Matthew Fox from TV's Lost going head to head, in a middleweight bout, against the globe-trotting good Samaritan Brad Pitt.

But the main event is the real pants crapper, we have at heavyweight the nauseating over-publicized Seth Rogen against the talented singer-songwriter turned actor, Jack Black.

Rogen who is looking to boost his popularity as the next superstar comedian has managed to find time tonight in his busy schedule to be a last minute stand in for Anthony Anderson.

But first let's have a special word from our sponsors over at E!.

"Hi, I'm TV's Joel McHale, check my show The Soup, everyday on E!. It is the only one worth watching."

Ok, thanks Joel. That's right ladies and gentleman The Soup is the only show on E! worth watching and now for our fights.

At lightweight tonight we have Steve Buscemi fighting against Dave Chappelle. Chappelle, who has nothing better to do these days expressed interest in fighting last week, and so here he is fighting against movie star eccentric Steve Buscemi.

Light Weight Match

Steve Buscemi vs. Dave Chappelle

The two fighters are asked to step to the center of the ring where celebrity referee Mike Tyson goes over the rules. Tyson is impossible to understand through his child-like lisp—confusing the fighters.

The bell rings.

Chappelle is prancing around the ring cracking jokes for the audience.

"I got jokes, and jokes, and jokes, spaghetti, aha ha ha," says Chappelle.

Buscemi is looking to tap into a character that can fight. He looks scared, the conclusion he has never played such a character.

Buscemi fueled by fear lunges into Chappelle. The two clinch, Chappelle begins throwing knees. Buscemi, begins rehearsing with a few knees of his own.

Tyson breaks the two apart after a moment of inactivity, and the two begin dancing around the ring unwilling to engage. Finally the bell rings, and the two return to their respective corners.

Buscemi who is receiving instructions from coach Michael Madsen and friend Michael Bay is told that he needs to be more explosive, like Armageddon explosive.

Chappelle who is engaging in some sketch comedy with co-star Charlie Murphy, and fellow comedian Norm McDonald are playing the crowd.

"I'm rich bitch!" screams Chappelle.

The bell rings and round two begins. The fighters step out, but it is immediately called a no-contest. Apparently, referee Mike Tyson failed to show up for round two, and had kidnapped both fighters' kids to be prepared in a stew.

Fighters follow the trail of coke left behind by Tyson, to find Tyson putting seasoning on the children. The authorities immediately arrest Tyson, back to prison for him.

Welter Weight Match

Adam Sandler vs. Gary Busey

The show must go on and celebrity, comedian, and future heavyweight contender Kevin James fills in for former referee Mike Tyson.

Adam Sandler and Busey meet in the middle; Busey looks crazed and smells of vodka and strippers.

The two return to their corners and receive some last minute instructions from their coaches.

Sandler comes out trying his best to be nuts, trying to rant and rave like a maniac.

It has been too many years since Billy Madison and it seems forced. Busey remains silent, sweating profusely with a crazed smile and messy hair.

Busey runs across the ring towards Sandler and pounces at him, knocking him down, and landing in full mount. Sandler looks scared and Busey appears out of his mind.

Busey lands some nasty ground and pound, Sandler is bloody, Busey's blood lust kicks in and begins taking bites out of Sandler's skin.

James horrified to see his friend being devoured by Busey decides to KO Busey. Busey is on the ground knocked out hands outstretched. Sandler is rushed to the hospital, and James is stripped his license as a referee.

Middle Weight Match

Matthew Fox vs Brad Pitt

The two fighters step to the middle to meet with new replacement judge David Spade. Brad Pitt asks if Spade can, "Just shoot me." Pitt feels Spade is a bad judge and is acting very outspoken. He begins to go on a rant about starving kids in Africa, and how nobody in Hollywood gives a damn.

Spade, looking very irritated, argues to eject Pitt from the fight before it has even begun. Fox, seems to be looking for an exit off the island called the Octagon because he can't take this prima donna b.s.

Finally the fight begins, the two step out to engage and Fox comes out with a high kick. Pitt blocks the kick and delivers a counter punch to Fox.

Pitt taunting Fox tells him, "I want you to hit me as hard as you can."

Fox, looking for a witty line from Lost can't seem to find one and instead answers back with a liver shot to Pitt's midsection.

Fox shakes his hand in pain and finally notices that Pitt is in as good of shape as he was in the blockbuster disaster Troy. Fox is nervous because Pitt's bulletproof midsection makes it impossible for him to deliver body shots.

Pitt laughing begins working Fox like Tyler Durden works Edward Norton: face, liver, liver, face, leg kick, and elbow.

Fox is backpedaling and Pitt is looking for the kill. Pitt tries to chase Fox down but is tossed with a Koshi Guruma. Fox goes for the armbar and sinks it in. Pitt taps at 0:06 in the first.

Main Event: Heavy Weight Match

Seth Rogen vs Jack Black

The lights go down as a made up feud is played across a big screen, scenes from previous movies are shown. Surprisingly though Rogen has significantly more films to take material from despite Black's longer Hollywood career.

After about 37 different trailers are played for movies Rogen will be starring in this year, Rogen comes walking down the ramp with the Wu-Tang Clan being played in the background. Rogen receives instructions from corner man Judd Apatow and Kevin Smith; Smith won't shut up about comic books.

Black comes out to Ronnie James Dio's Holy Diver, Black comes in followed by best friend Kyle Gas.

The two enter and Gas seems to answer anything Black says with an acoustic guitar riff from Wonder Boy.

The two step to the middle and receive the rules from Spade. The two look goofy as hell.

When the bell rings the two touch gloves and start dancing around. This lasts until the end of the round.

Both fighters return to their corners and both look tense. Gas hands Black a joint, in which he soon begins to calm down.

Rogen hungry to get high screams across the ring, "Hey is that crap Pineapple Express?"

"Yeah!" responds Black.

Rogen walks across the ring to hit the joint, the two start laughing and talking. The Bell rings but the two refuse to fight and instead order a pizza.

The pizza finally arrives in round three and they devour it but there remains only one slice. The two begin to fight over who deserves to get it. The crowd cheers because fists start finally flying.

Both fighters are exchanging wild hooks and end up knocking one another out. The show ends and Spade begins to cry because he is out of a job again.