TNA/WWE: Hulk Hogan's 10 Greatest Tall Tales

Imaan Jalali@imaanjalaliFeatured ColumnistNovember 23, 2011

TNA/WWE: Hulk Hogan's 10 Greatest Tall Tales

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    The "Immortal" Hulk Hogan may be the greatest wrestling legend to ever lace up a pair of boots, but when it comes to his ability to accurately recall events, he tends to miss the mark time and time again.

    Hogan's all-American image grew on millions of fans as he became larger-than-life hero who conquered seemingly unstoppable evildoers for the greater good of all mankind.

    When he ripped the shirt off his back and wagged his finger in the face of foes, we knew the spirit of "Hulkamania" was a force that transcended our earthly comprehension.

    It seems that, over the years, the words that have emanated from the person behind the character, Terry Bollea, have similarly eluded our capacity to fully understand what is being communicated.

    Hyperbolic statements, grandiose claims and tall tales have jolted the brains of us mere mortals who are unable to make sense of such irrational and illogical proclamations.

    Although they may be very real to the "Hulkster," let's take a look at what we consider, through objective eyes, to be his 10 greatest delusions of grandeur.

Hogan Claims He Could've Been the Bass Player for Metallica

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    The man behind "Hulkamania" once claimed he could've been Metallica's bass player if only the now-legendary band answered his calls.

    While Hogan was a part of a band called Ruckus in high school, playing the bass and enjoying moderate success in the Tampa Bay area, he didn't have anywhere near the requisite talent to be part of an act that wrote and toured.

    Just don't tell Hogan that because, in his mind, he could've easily been a rock star.

Elvis Apparently "Watched" The Hulkster Wrestle

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    According to the WWE-made tome Hollywood Hulk Hogan, his first autobiography, the red and yellow crusader wrote that Elvis Presley would often come down to the local Memphis arena to watch him wrestle.

    While it would be nice to think "The King" in one profession (music) would recognize a king-to-be in another (wrestling), there happens to be one very wide chasm in the claim.

    Hulk Hogan didn't start wrestling in Memphis until 1979—two years after the hip-swiveling crooner passed away from a drug overdose.

    Oops!

Hogan Was Forced to "Shoot" on Tatsumi Fujinami in Japan

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    In his first WWE-produced DVD, Hulk Still Rules, the wrestling icon "admitted" that he had no choice but to "shoot" on—in other words, to forgo the choreography and legitimately grapple when the match goes awry—his Japanese opponent, Tatsumi Fujinami.

    The encounter apparently transpired while the then-WWF champion was touring in Japan, defending the precious strap against all challengers.

    If not for him taking drastic measures, Hogan alludes to the possibility that Fujinami might have stolen the WWF title in a rendition of the "Montreal Screwjob."

He and Andre "Packed" 40,000 Fans into Shea Stadium

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    Hogan's first autobiography was riddled with several exaggerations, another of which is the belief that his initial match with Andre The Giant at Shea Stadium was the main draw.

    Such an assertion couldn't be further from the truth because that match was a mid-card bout, which paled in comparison to the eagerly anticipated steel cage contest between Larry Zbyszko and Bruno Sammartino.

    Granted, Hulk could make a legitimate claim that 93,173 fans at the Silverdome in Detroit would come out seven years later to see him and Andre lock horns, but on this particular night in 1980, he had little do to with the box office receipts.

The Ludicrous Details Surrounding His Match with Andre at WrestleMania III

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    The tall tales Hulk Hogan has told about his epic encounter with Andre the Giant will live forever, just like his famous persona.

    Throughout the years, Hogan has described Andre as being 800 pounds and 7'4" tall on that fateful night in 1987.

    In wrestling, characters have always been blown out of proportion to preserve the otherworldly perception of the athletes, but the "Hulkster" has insulted our intelligence with such "descriptions."

    In addition, Hogan has been quoted in TV specials, like The Unreal Story of Professional Wrestling, about having torn every muscle in his back body-slamming his rival, averting incapacitation if not for the adrenaline coursing through his 24-inch "pythons."

    Moreover, blurring the lines between reality and script, Hogan claims that Andre was being mum about putting him "over," keeping everyone in the dark as to what the finish of the match would entail.

    To top it off, Hogan avows that Andre passed away "shortly after" the bout, never mind the fact the French giant died six years later, in 1993.

Hogan's "Fight" with George Foreman That Never Was

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    In Hogan's first autobiography, he claims to have been a part of a charity boxer vs. wrestling match against George Foreman. Suffice to say, any shred of evidence corroborating this story has yet to appear.

    Nonetheless, Hogan went into details, noting that he "stood toe to toe" with the former heavyweight boxing champion, even bearing the brunt of a blow that caused his "legs to go numb."

    Perhaps, this exercise in self-aggrandizement is Hogan's way of expressing himself in metaphorical terms given the fact he passed on what later became the renowned "George Foreman Grill" in favor of the "Hulkamania Meatball Maker."

Hogan "Burned" His Beard and Mustache off Against the Warrior

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    At WCW Halloween Havoc 1998, Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior had what many wrestling pundits deem one of the worst matches of all time.

    During the end of their interminably incompetent contest, Hogan attempts to "blind" the Warrior by lighting flash paper on fire and throwing it into the eyes of the face-painted war hero.

    However, the stunt goes terribly wrong when the paper is lit prematurely. Nobody was hurt, though; in fact, not only was the Warrior's face visibly untouched, but so was Hogan's.

    Thus, the "Hulkster" can't realistically claim like he does on The Self-Destruction of The Ultimate Warrior DVD that the gimmick backfired in his face, burning off his facial hair, when no such thing actually transpired.

    Indeed, Hogan's beard and 'stache remained intact.

Hogan Suffered Catastrophic "Damage" to His Rib Cage at WrestleMania 18

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    Hogan's WWE-published autobiography continues to be the stuff of laughable legend.

    In the book, Hogan outright lies when he recounts having practically every rib in his midsection cracked upon being "Rock-Bottomed" by The Rock in their storied WrestleMania 18 classic.

    True to form, though, the "Hulkster" cannot concede facts in lieu of exaggerated tales of grandeur.

    The fable doesn't end here, as Hogan elaborates on how he kept on, similar to his match with Andre at WrestleMania 3, even urging "The Great One" to give him one more "Rock Bottom" for good measure out of the unselfishness of his heart.

    Surely, anyone who endures that kind of "damage" to his rib cage would not continue wrestling on WWE TV and subsequent pay-per-views thereafter without a hint of discomfort, right?

Hogan's Hilarious "Recollection" of the Montreal Incident

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    In a recent Australian radio interview, Hulk Hogan's take on what occurred at Montreal is mind-bogglingly askew from the truth.

    In recounting the infamous double-cross, Hogan is quoted as saying that "Bret Hart was supposed to lose to Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania 16 or 17...whatever it was. Bret tried to pull a fast one, but Shawn Michaels held him down and pinned him because he (Bret) was being a horse's ass."

    Obviously, the incident happened at the 1997 Survivor Series, three years prior to WrestleMania 16. Also, there was no pin involved, either, but a submission.

    Not to mention, Hogan fails to back up his warped memory with rational argumentation, only noting that Bret Hart resembled the caboose of a hoofed animal.

The Wrestling Legend Squandered "Hundreds of Millions of Dollars"

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    In an interview with ABC's "Good Morning America," the leader of "Hulkamania" overstepped the realm of reality into a matrix of hyperbole when he claimed to have wasted "hundreds of millions of dollars" due to his lavish lifestyle.

    He noted he isn't as affluent as he was before, but still lives "in abundance."

    One might argue that the sun's rays—because of excessive tanning—might have colored his brain orange just like the rest of his body.

    As successful as Hogan has been, "hundreds of millions of dollars" is about 10 to 20 times more than his net worth at any given time.

    Still, as this example demonstrates, we can't dislike the "Hulkster" too much for his tendency to bloat the truth because he, like his alter ego, is a mode of "reality" we don't mind living vicariously through.