Thanksgiving Football: Dos and Don'ts of Playing Football on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving day is a few days away, America's most acceptable day to stuff your face. I have a countdown. Don't judge me. And as tradition goes, before and after a feast with your friends and family, watching football on Thanksgiving day is a favorite. Football can be a pretty exciting game, so before you tune into the first game of the day, Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions at 12:30p.m., and your turkey-induced comas, get your lazy asses out of bed and set up your own "Turkey Bowl."

Whether it's touch football or tackle is up to you. Personally, I wish I could play tackle and run over some of my amigos, Jerome Bettis-style, but alas, "I'm too old for that sh#%."

Here are some DOs and DONT's for your Turkey Bowl, in no particular order, if you decide to play:

DOs:

• Play with friends instead of family. Here's why:

Your friends are around your age and may be more fit (this is debatable). You don't want to embarrass a family member on the field and not be able to taunt them; it might create for an awkward and hostile environment during dinner. All of your best and classy vocabulary can be on display against friends after catching or throwing a 40-yard bomb on them; even when you're on the bad end of that TD. You can't really do that with family: "No Mom, I did not drop the F-bomb after Grandma caught that touchdown pass on me. I swear."

• Play before dinner. No one wants to run around with a stomach full of turkey and stuffing. No one wants turkey-yack on the field.
• Establish the rules and make sure that everyone participating understands.
• Wear cleats if you have them. More than likely the field being played on won't be up to par. Someone will fall ear-first and it won't be pleasant, at least not to them. But it will provide plenty of entertainment for the rest of us for the remainder of the year.
• Have a seven-Mississippi count. It's complete crap when the QB sits there for 10 minutes looking for an open receiver. Oh, and it's "Mississippi," not "miss-ippi."
• Be organized and come up with some plays and routes for your receivers to run, who cares if it's just touch football? It will save you time. Don't run around like headless chickens, trying to get open.
• Who invited Mark Sanchez? (Sorry, I had to. I'm a Jets fan.) Make a QB switch if your quarterback keeps overthrowing receivers or throwing interceptions.
• Go for it on fourth down. Punting is for wimps.
• Taunt the smoker in your group. In an attempt to defend his/her honor, they will be forced to cover you. Proceed to run circles around them.
• Bring out your best touchdown celebration dance. Your friends will either appreciate it, or hate you for it.

DONTs:

• And I say this with great emphasis: DO NOT "Tebow," after getting a touchdown. It's getting old.
• Throw tantrums. Who cares if you thought their was a pass interference, a little shirt-tugging won't harm anyone.
• No holding. Like I said, a little shirt-tugging is fine, but don't bear-hug the receiver
• Relive your high school football glory days, that was over years ago. No one cares what you did.
• Play one-hand touch. It's called TWO-hand touch for a reason.
• Be that guy that screams to be an "auto-QB." Get your out-of-shape butt out there and run some routes. Besides, you're a terrible quarterback.
• Take five minutes in the huddle to come up with a play. Give your receivers some routes to run and that's that. You're stupid trick play will most likely not work.
• No wearing jeans. You want to be comfortable, and you don't want to ruin them. Plus, who wears jeans while playing football? This isn't a Brett Favre commercial.
• Go crazy on the football field on every play, football star. Making a diving catch or interception will most likely get you injured and sideline you, making teams uneven. Don't ruin it.

As always, comments are more than welcome, and if you have anymore to add to this list than please add them.

Play safe and enjoy the holiday!