Career Obituary Suggestions for NFL Coaches on the Hot Seat

As we reach the stretch run of the 2011 NFL season, we have also reached the point where the owners of the league's worst teams start trying to figure out who they're going to blame for the season's failures, and often the first head that rolls is that of the head coach.

As the careers of several head coaches circle the proverbial drain, here are a few suggestions for some additions to each coach's career obituary, coming soon to your local newspaper.

They still have newspapers, right?

1. Jim Caldwell, Indianapolis Colts

"In lieu of sending flowers to the services for Coach Caldwell's career, please make a donation to the American Society for the Prevention of Nevereverblinkitis, a malady that has afflicted Coach Caldwell for years."

2. Pat Shurmur, Cleveland Browns

"Although Coach Shurmur's career fought bravely to stay alive, it was sadly and simply no match for the all-encompassing soul-sucking despair that comes with being a player, coach or fan of the Cleveland Browns."

3. Tony Sparano, Miami Dolphins

"As you grieve for Coach Sparano's career, please take solace from the fact that in his last days, Coach Sparano was at least able to guide the Dolphins to enough wins to all but surely put them out of the running for Andrew Luck."

4. Mike Shanahan, Washington Redskins

"While Coach Shanahan's friends and family were shocked to learn of the passing of his career, it came as an even bigger surprise to learn that Shanahan himself had passed away six years ago and been replaced with a robot by his son Kyle."