The Jim Boeheim Comedy Hour: Cleveland State Funnybone

What if Jim Boeheim did comedy during the offseason or random Wednesday nights at your favorite local Comedy Club? Think Jimbo isn't a funny guy? Well, we would like to think he could hold his own for 20 or so minutes on the Big Stage.

If this style connoisseur had the gall to get on stage, we think he could throw down with the big boys... So, take a break from your basketball drills and basketball plays and enjoy a few hilarious Boeheim Rhapsodies...

This week, Boeheim is at his Zany and Wacky best at the Cleveland Funnybone alongside the hilarious Ultimate Warrior. Enjoy Idiots~

Coach Boeheim: You can't put yourself in these holes and expect to come out of them. That's just the way it is. We either start playing better early, or we're going to have a very difficult time. That's the bottom line.

We made great shots and great plays to get back in this, forced a turnover at the end. You can't put yourself in that position. We've been making too many turnovers. We had 16 again tonight.

You cannot win against good competition, and Cleveland State is a very good basketball team. You cannot win when you put yourself in that position early in the game.

Ultimate Warrior: I was sent in a capsule from a place long from here and I came here for one reason: to attack and keep coming. We fell into a hole early, not to ask but just to give. Not to want but just to send...send the power of the Warrior down everybody's throat in the Carrier Dome 'til they become sick of it.

Well you're gonna get sick of it because this freak of nature right here is just beginning to swell. And when I get big enough, brother, there ain't gonna be room for anybody else but me and all the Orange Warriors floating through the veins, and the power of the Warriah~!

Coach Boeheim: We had a bigger lineup in there for a lot of the first half, and we just didn't go and get it. I don't think the effort was there. I don't think we went after the loose balls. I just don't think we did. We shot the ball well, and they are a good defensive team. We scored enough points.

We are just not playing well. We are just not getting loose balls, we are not getting rebounds. We started out the game missing three layups, and if you do that against good teams, you get them in position to think they can win.

The Ultimate Warrior: In my final meeting with the gods from the heavens above, as they spoke to me and hit me with the power of the Ultimate Warrior, they told me "Exit stage left! Exit stage right!" There is no place to run; all the fuses in the exit signs have been burned out! We shot the ball well and they are a good defensive team from the hells beneath us. Full of the juice to carry the spaceship as far as it wants to go!

Coach Boeheim: They are going to have a chance to win and tonight that's what happened. We've got to play better. Period. Bottom line. I don't think we can beat a team in our league they way we're playing right now. I don't believe we can. A 6'4" guy took our center and scored four straight baskets in the low post.

The Ultimate Warrior: How must I prepare you must ask yourself. Should I jump off the tallest building in the world? Can we beat one of the beasts in our league right no? Not without the intensity in the low post. Should I lie on the lawn and let it run over me with lawnmowers? Should I go to Africa and let it trample me with raging elephants?