Roger Goodell Fires Al Davis; Oakland Raiders to Convince Him It's 1983 Again

Roger Goodell declared his disappointment with Al Davis and the Oakland Raiders after watching their annihilation at the hands of the New England Patriots. Immediately after the game, Goodell boarded a plane to Oakland to hand-deliver Davis' pink slip. 

In a statement issued by the NFL, Goodell stated, “This league has a commitment to excellence that Al Davis and his football club no longer represent. The reputation he's developing for the Oakland Raiders is counterproductive to the things we're trying to do on an international level.

“We cannot take our sport worldwide when [Al Davis] is clearly committed to running his team into the ground. Therefore, effective immediately Al Davis is relieved of all Oakland Raiders activities.”

The decision came as a shock to NFL owners as many wondered if Goodell had the authority to make such a move.

An anonymous source inside league offices told reporters that Goodell is counting on Davis' senility to make sure the firing sticks. “[Goodell] knows he can't do that, but he's convinced that he can manipulate Al given his advanced age.”

One coach within the Raiders' organization actually praised Goodell's efforts, and applauded him for his stance. He believes the transition to a new owner will be smooth and met with minimal resistance.

In fact, the coach said the organization is currently developing a new plan to phase Davis out slowly.

"He's going to be like a ghost in here," said the coach.

Davis will still be allowed to access his office—but his phone will be disconnected, and he won't be given any current information on the organization.

In fact, the Raiders will be implementing an entirely new division dedicated to convincing Davis that the year is still 1983—complete with wardrobe, newspapers, and classic television-programming provided courtesy of multiple historical societies in the Bay Area.

The Raiders are currently meeting with comedian Frank Caliendo to see if he can do a convincing Tom Flores impression as well. 

Goodell was reached before boarding a plane to Detroit when he insisted that the decision was personal.

“I hate his track suits,” began Goodell. “But the most important thing is that the NFL not be viewed as a league of sadists...We don't like punishing our fans.”

When prompted for further explanation, Goodell took a page out of Davis' book and said, “I didn't think it was any one thing, it was a cumulative thing,” smirked the commissioner. “The pattern just disturbed me.”

Al Davis was unavailable for comment as he was busy listening to his new copy of Motley Crue's latest album, “Shout at the Devil.”

Angel Navedo covers the Jets-Examiner" target="_blank">New York Jets for Examiner.com. His work can also be found on NYJetsFan.com, where he is the Head Writer, and on MyGridironSpace.com—a premier social networking site built exclusively for NFL fans.

He is also a Senior Writer at the Bleacher Report, where he is one of the New York Jets Community Leaders.