Top 10 Billboard Singles as the Week 9 College Football Soundtrack

I like music, which made looking up and listening to this week’s top 10 singles on Billboard’s Hot 100 almost impossible.

Why would I do such a thing?

1. Because I always like saying things like, “You kids with your music…”
2. Because I have issues and want to figure out which of America’s favorite ten songs would best serve as soundtracks to a weekend of college football that needs some spicing up.

We all have our own ways of making Big East football interesting, this is mine:

(just assume all linked videos are NSFW)

10.) WSU at Oregon as Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg – Young, Wild and Free

In what should amount to an easy Saturday at home against the Cougars, Oregon should get plenty of offense from true freshman De’Anthony Thomas, who, beyond playing for Snoop Dogg during his peewee years, should have a pretty carefree time running around, past and through the Washington State defense.

Also, the song’s basic refrain just feels right for both Eugene in general and a very specific suspended member of the Oregon secondary. Not the worst song of the 10.

Oregon by 28.

9.) Georgia vs. Florida as LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem

At this point, we’ve all heard this song. We get it. It’s added nothing new to the world of music, but in the right frame of mind (or many, many frames of mind), it probably isn’t all that bad.

The combination of watching Florida’s offensive strategy and Georgia on special teams will probably require many, many frames of mind. I’m assuming a nearby Cocktail Party will be happy to oblige.

8.) Clemson at Georgia Tech as Cobra Starship – You Make Me Feel

I really tried to figure out any sort of general meaning or theme behind this song, and even though I failed to see how it even qualifies as music, it does include a line about “the baddest baby in the atmosphere,” which is how I’ll think about Clemson WR Sammy Watkins forever and you can’t tell me otherwise.

Clemson by 20.

7.) Oklahoma vs. Kansas State as David Guetta Feat. Usher – Without You

A straightforward song that I’ll probably never choose to listen to again, but the comparison was pretty easy here, especially when you picture a 72-year-old Bill Snyder singing the Usher part (“I will never win this game…without you…”) to QB Collin Klein, who essentially makes up the entire Wildcat offense.

Also, the video imagines some sort of Dance Party Pangea, which is exactly what I’ll call the stormed Kansas State field if Oklahoma decides to continue nursing its Texas Tech wounds. Admit it—you know you want to see a beleaguered Bob Stoops try and escape Dance Party Pangea.

Oklahoma by 10.

6.) Cal at UCLA as Rihanna – We Found Love

“We found love in a hopeless place” is sung over and over again by a crazed, stripped, drug-addled Rihanna. Cal QB Zach Maynard and (brother!) WR Keenan Allen should be able to comfortably and repeatedly find each other in a Rose Bowl free of distractions like sections full of fans, noise and optimism.

Also, the words used to describe Rihanna could very easily be used to paint UCLA fans still following along.

Cal by 13. 

5.) Syracuse at Louisville as Gym Class Heroes Feat. Adam Levine – Stereo Hearts

From what I can tell, this song is a cashgrab by the Gym Class Heroes and Adam Levine. It ultimately means nothing and leaves a weird, stale taste in your mouth.

Similarly, this is a Big East game that, due to conference expansion, may never happen again. Let’s hope for the same when it comes time to discuss another collaboration between the two musical entities listed above.

Syracuse by 8. 

4.) Baylor at Oklahoma State as LMFAO – Sexy and I Know It

Hand it to LMFAO—they’re not trying to be anything they’re not. I have no idea what they actually are, but I can respect anyone picking and owning a lane, even if that lane sounds like it was written by drunk 14-year-olds.

The lane in Stillwater will be offense. And then offense. And for good measure…more offense. The highlights will be just as bizarre and watchable as this video, which is to say... very.

Oklahoma State by 15.

3.) Stanford at USC as Foster the People – Pumped Up Kicks

This song is simple and it’s about violence. Stanford is simple and they’re about violence. I may very well be wrong, but in this scenario, I believe USC has the pumped-up kicks and Andrew Luck has the gun. Call it a hunch.

Stanford by 29.

2.) Purdue at Michigan as Maroon 5 Feat. Christina Aguilera – Moves Like Jagger

Michigan goes as Denard Robinson goes—we know this. Maroon 5 goes as Adam Levine goes—I assume this.

The song is basically Adam Levine talking about how great he is at the art of seduction and his moves thereafter.

Feels like the right kind of Purdue Saturday for Denard Robinson to get some Jagger back on the field in Ann Arbor.

Michigan by 17.

1.) Michigan State at Nebraska as Adele – Someone Like You

Something about the combination of Taylor Martinez struggling to find openings in the Michigan State front and Spartan DE William Gholston (back from suspension) existing on a football field once again makes me think the Nebraska QB will soon become emotional as he longs for lost appendages he may never again see.

Nebraska by 6.

Dan Rubenstein co-hosts The Solid Verbal college football podcast and can be  followed on Twitter here.