UFC 137 Fight Card: Final Main Card Predictions

Hey, did you know that UFC 137 is going down this Saturday night at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas, Nevada?

Did you know the original main event of the evening was cancelled after welterweight Georges St-Pierre got injured and was replaced by an improbable, if not untantalizing matchup between former champ BJ Penn and the possibly insane but very dangerous Nick Diaz?

If you're like me, you've read one or two thousand fight card previews, predictions, updates or other of the many odds and ends of the rather voluminous UFC 137 coverage. So why read one more?

Because I'm predicting not only the winners of each main-card fight, but also which bonus will be assigned following each fight.

But wait, you say. There are only three bonuses, but five fights.

You're right. That's why I decided to make some up.

Come inside to find out who will emerge victorious in each bout (and these are not guesses either). Stay to see if you can figure out which fight-night bonuses are real and which ones are figments of my imagination. We'll see if you're up to the challenge.

5. Hatsu Hioki vs. George Roop

Hioki has worn gold in every promotion with which he spent any significant time. He was brought into the UFC with the specific objective that he would challenge formidable featherweight champion Jose Aldo. Hioki's four-fight winning streak includes victories over Marlon Sandro and Takeshi Inoue.

Roop's a veteran in the sport himself, but he has neither the lucky charms needed for a flash knockout nor the water wings needed to swim with Hioki in the deep groundwater.

Prediction: Hioki by unanimous decision

Bonus: Speed Bump of the Night, presented to George Roop

4. Scott Jorgensen vs. Jeff Curran

You have to admire Jeff Curran's stick-to-itiveness. After dropping four straight in the WEC, he spent his next two-odd years in the MMA hinterlands, pulling out four wins in five contests and finally landing a multi-fight UFC contract.

It's hard to bet against a guy like Curran. Except in cases when I don't think he's going to win. This is one of those cases.

Prediction: Jorgensen, TKO, Round 2

Bonuses: Ink of the Night, presented to Scott Jorgensen; E for Effort of the Night, presented to Jeff Curran

3. Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic vs. Roy Nelson

Hank Williams Jr. doesn't seem to be taking this controversy very well. Come back, Hank! All is forgiven!

In the meantime, in a matchup touted as loser-leaves-the-UFC, Mirko Cro Cop appears determined and motivated to win this fight and preserve both his career and his legacy.

Nelson appears, ehhhhh, less so.

On paper, Big Country enjoys real advantages on the ground and the feet, offense and defense.

But wait...what's that I hear? Are those the upset alarms? That's right...fire up the sirens. With one swift kick, Cro Cop gets his groove back on a gassed Roy Nelson.

Prediction: Cro Cop by TKO, Round 3

Bonuses: Knockout of the Night, presented to Mirko Cro Cop; Fighter Who's Gotta Quit F-in Around at Some Point and Take Some Damn Thing Seriously of the Night, presented to Roy Nelson.

2. Cheick Kongo vs. Matt Mitrione

When Pat Barry had Cheick Kongo on roller skates in their fight, he couldn't quite close the deal. I don't think Matt Mitrione will repeat that mistake.

Prediction: Matt Mitrione by TKO, Round 1

Bonus: Crestfallen Congolese Man of the Night, presented to Cheick Kongo

1. BJ Penn vs. Nick Diaz

People are calling for an epic war in the main event. Add my voice to that group.

When two wolverines like these go at it, there's guaranteed to be carnage. Both of these men have bad attitudes and skills in spades. But they don't just want to win. They want to embarrass. They want to hurt.

Only one man is going to have his way. In a combat war, the inclination when all other things are equal is to favor the man with the most weapons. That man, in this case, is Baby Jay.

Prediction: BJ Penn, TKO, Round 2

Bonus: Fight. Of. The. Night.