WWE Vengeance Review: Gullo's Grades to Vengeance

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

                             ~ Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction

Am I the only one who picked up on this when Mark Henry basically quoted this during one of his promos?

My Girlfriend: Pulp Fiction sucks! Let's watch Hocus Pocus instead!

Me: Oh yea! Well, you suck!

Side note: She doesn't suck. That's a joke. She's an angel for watching a DVR'd Smackdown and Vengeance basically in one sitting. I just tend to get angry when people bash Pulp Fiction and Goodfellas... How can you not like these movies!

So WWE's latest pay-per-view offering, "Vengeance," has come and gone, with quite the bang I might add. I sat down last night with said girlfriend and my friend/roommate to see what kind of surprises WWE had up their sleeve.

I could just jump into the grades and kill this article in under 1,000 words, but that's not really my style; So here's a quick story that took place this morning on my drive into work that perfectly sums up how all of you should feel after watching Vengeance... 

Scene: Stuck in traffic, bloodshot eyes from five hours of sleep, pitch black on the highway, it's 30 degrees in Boston, and a sleeping girlfriend in the passenger seat who, by the way, insists on turning the car into a sweatshop by cranking the heat to ungodly temperatures.. suffice it to say, I'm pretty miserable at this point

Me: Hey! Wake up!    

GF: What's wrong?   

Me: Is it sad that one of my biggest concerns at this particular moment is whether or not Triple-H is injured? I swear to god, if Old Man Rivers screwed up Survivor Series I'm boycotting wrestling for allowing some has-been to get back in the ring! What is this, TNA?

GF: (staring at me blankly) I've heard some dumb (stuff) come out of your mouth, but this may be the dumbest. First of all, you're not boycotting wrestling, so drop the act. Secondly...yes, It is sad that that's one of your biggest concerns. Add that to your list of "How to know you're addicted to wrestling." Thirdly, what is TNA? Some kind of porn site? Can I go back to sleep?

Me: (feeling completely judged and shamed)Yes, yes you can... 

But seriously! If Old Man Rivers (aka Kevin Nash, who looked jacked and ready to fight) really did cause Triple-H to get injured from a ridiculous jackknife powerbomb, I don't even know what I'll do. I'll probably just whine about it on here along with a bunch of others and then realize that life will inevitably move on, but still!

(takes a deep breath)

Well, now that that's out of the way, let's take a look at a surprisingly good pay-per-view event.

Grading the Matches

Air Boom Vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger

I'm on record (multiple times) of not being a huge fan of Air Boom. Their matching outfits, new combo theme song, the way they always have goofy smiles on their faces, but with all that being said, they're slowly growing on me. I said slowly!

I would have loved to see Dolph Ziggler walk away with both the US title and tag team championships, but apparently, the WWE can't let team good-guys loose quite yet. Whoever does eventually beat Air Boom will instantly be legit tag team stars, so I like what the WWE is doing in that respect.

A solid way to kick off the night. Not quite as good as their Hell in a Cell match, but it's hard to beat the best tag match I've seen since I was 15 years old.

Grade: B

Dolph Ziggler Vs. Zach Ryder

A couple notes about this match:

1. I would be heated if I was Dolph Ziggler at whoever booked this little odyssey of his. So not only do I have to compete in two matches, but they happen back to back? Oh, cool...

You want to talk about the "C-O-N-spiracy." This is ridiculous. Of course, my friend was giggling the whole time waiting for Zach Ryder to get the cheap win. I felt very vindicated and relieved when Ziggler retained.  

2. I was more then pleased to see Air Boom get the boot from the referee during this match. You don't belong there!

As rapper/Degrasi actor Drake says:"The hardest part of the business is minding your own"

3. So where does this leave Zach Ryder? It leaves him where he should be. I'll leave it at that. Because I know that someday (in the near future), Ryder will win the US title from Ziggler. The real question is, will I cry?

The answer: Yes.

Grade: C+

Beth Phoenix Vs. Eve

What's more believable?

A) The second Beth Phoenix's music hit my friend instantly got up and made himself a sandwich.

B) The fact that my girlfriend was highly offended by the "Divas" Championship belt.

C) That Beth and Eve put on the greatest women's match this decade.

The answers are clearly "A" and "B", but shockingly enough "C" happened as well.

I have never seen or heard a crowd that into a women's match before. Eve turning the Glamslam into a pseudo hurricane-rana then roll up was classic. Easily the biggest pop I've heard in a Divas match in a long time. 

Me: (yelling to my friend in the kitchen) Hey, you're missing a good match.

Friend: Watching my bread toast is probably more entertaining.

...true story.

Grade: A . I'm not joking either, and no it's not adjusted to compensate for it being a Divas match.

Triple H and CM Punk Vs. The Awesome Truth

I was both shocked and pleased to see this match appear this early on the card. When they were showing the highlights and buildup to this match, my friend asked me "Is this match next?"

I replied with a simple "Yes," but in my head, all I was thinking was: "Are you serious bro! When do they ever show highlights and promos of a match buildup and then have another one start instead of the one they were showing the buildup for?"

That's like when moments earlier I brought out a loaf of bread from the oven and my girlfriend asked: "What is that?"

I replied simply with "Cheeseburgers."

Side note: I told them their hilariously, frustrating stupidity was going in my article, so there it is.

Anyways, this match was nothing special, but wasn't terrible. In all honesty, it's meant to push the story arch further towards Survivor Series and nothing more. Hilarious teamwork by Punk and Hunter throughout the match. I honestly thought when Hunter tagged/slapped himself in early on in the match we were going to have beef between Hunter and Punk.

I know a lot of people don't like Hunter and Punk being buddy, buddy, but I highly enjoy it. They have bigger issues to solve before they can go back to hating each other. I would totally pay the price of a movie ticket to see The Other Guys 2: No Chaperones Allowed starring Triple-H and CM Punk as buddy cop partners. 

We've already discussed Kevin Nash and his shenanigans. I don't need to give myself another migraine.

Grade: B

Christian Vs Sheamus

I honestly forgot to put this match in. That should tell you something about how well it stuck with me...

I would have liked to see Christian even the scorecard against Sheamus, but I forgot that when someone's getting the proverbial "push" from the WWE, they don't lose. I figured Christian had a lot more to gain then Sheamus had to lose, but that's why I write on Bleacher Report and not for the creative team.

Sheamus can kick out of a spear, but Christian can't kick out of the Brogue kick? (I'm really not sure if that's how you spell it, but whatever.) I'm not a fan of Christian, but I know there are a ton (in hiding) out there. If they haven't abandoned the bandwagon yet, I'd like to offer my sympathies and a hug. Your superstar deserves better.

My girlfriend: Is Christian related to Dennis Quaid at all?

Grade: C+

Randy Orton Vs. Cody Rhodes

My girlfriend is convinced that Randy Orton did something to become de-pushed as much as he has. I told her about his radio show appearance where he basically called Kelly Kelly a (harlot) and his little mishap with Rhodes and a ringbell, but I''m not convinced he's getting punished for any of it.

I believe it's good to shine the spotlight on others and use his fame to make others bigger in the company. It's just smart business, but to her, Orton and Cena are gods and should never loose. In all honesty, there are more people like her out there then there are of the ones who want to see those two buried. It's a fact I can't quite comprehend, but date instead....

Rhodes looked good in this match, and that's all that needed to happen. It's not quite his time yet, but by this time next year, things will be drastically different. I love the use of Cody's "baggers" being used as random henchmen. It adds to his villain character quite nicely. 

I'm still waiting for the day when he takes the mask off! Cause I'll say it again, "Once you lose the gimmick, you win the gold!"

I'm also praying for a Dolph Ziggler face turn so I can drool over watching Rhodes and Ziggler for the intercontinental championship...at Wrestlemania?

Grade: B

Mark Henry Vs. The Big Show 

This had snoozefest written all over it, and then they broke the ring.

This was probably one of the better matches of the night, and a real pleasant surprise. This should segue nicely into the supposed "Scramble match" that is set to take place at Survivor Series for the World Heavyweight Championship, but what do I know...

I thought for sure The Big Show won when he chokeslammed Henry off the top rope. Great spots and close falls throughout the match.

Side note: Whenever you see someone start climbing the turnbuckle who normally doesn't go "top rope," there's a 99.9 percent chance it gets countered or ends badly for that person. It's a proven fact. I did the research in a lab coat, so you know the findings are legit.

The instant Mark Henry positioned for the superplex I said out loud "Are we gonna Brock Lesnar this?" and sure enough, it happened.

I wanted these two to finish the match because the fact that they both get carted out after something like that, but can be put through tables and other more harmful spots is ridiculous. It would have been great to see those two continue the carnage amongst the broken ring, but then Big Show would've had to loose so I get that.

Side note: How great would it have been if Hornswoggle came out from underneath the ring holding his head while they were trying to get the two guys out of the ring? These are the little touches that need to happen! It would have been great comic relief!

Grade: A

John Cena Vs. Alberto Del Rio

Right off the bat, this had an incredibly unique feel to it because it took place inside a collapsed ring. And right off the bat, it had an incredibly stale taste to it. I thought for sure we were in for a "Super" Cena finish with this one the way it was going, but then something happened. They remembered it was a "Last Man Standing" match.

Top five spots from this grueling, rugged match:

5. Del Rio dodging Cena's attempt at first degree murder with a large, rather heavy crate.

4. Del Rio flying from the ring onto the barricade.

3. Cena literally being buried under five backstage fixtures.

2. Del Rio receiving an "Attitude Adjustment" through the announce team table, Spanish of course.

1. Del Rio crashing through a table from at least a 10 ft. structure.

This went for a solid 25 minutes and brought me instantly back to my childhood "Attitude Era" look at wrestling. This was easily the ruggedest match we've seen all year. It made Cena look human and badass, and made Del Rio look much stronger then he has in the past.

My friend:(rocking his vintage red John Cena shirt) Are you kidding me? Cena has a new shirt! There's another $35 I need to spend. Rise above hate? Not sure if I like the slogan or not. Good colors, though. He probably didn't want to look like a homeless power ranger with the Rock coming back soon.

Me: John Cena will always be a big bowl of Fruity Pebbles in my eyes, so don't worry.

Girlfriend: Will someone please tell me why you two watch this crap?

This is how pay-per-view events go at my apartment. Good times!

Grade: A

Overall Grade for Vengeance: B