NFL Week 14: My Three Wishes

1. Something Convincing From The Titans

Tennessee's finest somehow managed to put a 10-0 run together without ever really looking convincing. For nine of those games, they did so on the basis of tremendous defense and a limited rushing offense.

Then the Bears came out and completely stuffed that running game by committing so many men to the line of scrimmage that the Titans were able to air the ball out at will.

Two weeks ago, though, they came up against a Jets side whose defensive scheme seemed to utterly confuse the Titans' offense. Despite fielding 364-year-old Ty Law, the Jets won easily, allowing those '72 Dolphins to do their annoying champagne thing again.

Last week, Tennessee handed the Lions a most unseasonal Thanksgiving kicking, but, frankly, there are 28 other teams in the NFL who could've done that.

My point, then, is that Tennessee has made its way to 11-1 without ever managing to convince me that it is anything other than an average side made good by a wonderful defense.

Once, just once, I'd like to see the Titans go out and not only shut down their opponent's offense, but win the game on their own offense, both through the air and on the ground.

I'd like them to show me that they are a complete team, not just bits of one.

2. Can Someone Please Dress Jack Del Rio

Has anyone else noticed that, as the Jaguars' season falls apart, so does their coach's dress sense.

He looked to be in shambles on the sideline on Monday night, but he didn't look nearly as bad as his team, which was shut out in the first half by the Texans, then taken apart on the ground by Steve Slaton.

More worrysome for Del Rio will be his teams' spluttering offense, including quarterback David Garrard, who looks about half of the player he was last season.

The Jags are one of two sides who have not had a completion of over 30 yards this season. In a statistical oddity, they play the other side—the Bears—this weekend.

It would be nice if both the coach and his side could smarten up and put in a performance to make their fans proud.

3. Stop the Plaxico Burress Story, It's Making My Sides Hurt

• Burress was checked into hospital under an assumed name, but no one knows why

• He was seen by the Giants' team doctor, but apparently it was "chance" that he was the doctor on call last night

• The doctor treated Burress without knowing it was him

• I am now stroking my chin in a disbelieving way

• Oddly, none of the doctors reported the shooting, despite being required by law to do so

• Antonio Pierce is now under investigation for taking the gun away from the hospital, claiming he didn't know he wasn't supposed to

• My chin is getting sore from all this stroking

• Ahmad Bradshaw was the third Giants player involved and now has to give a statement confirming that he did nothing wrong. His willingness to do so may be explained by him having spent time in jail earlier this year for breaching probation, or maybe not— if not, he'd be the only one in the entire story;

• I am going to stop this before I tug my mandible off.