Inside the Tortured Mind of a Buffalo Bills Fan

When the Bills lost to New England I put a golf club through my television.  When they lost to Cleveland on Monday Night Football I didn't smile for days.  This past Sunday when they lost to San Fransisco I didn't even flinch.  I was emotionless.

The Buffalo Bills have dropped five of their last six games and six of their last eight.  They began the season 4-0 and in command of the AFC East.  Tom Brady was out for the year and New England seemed mortal again.  The Jets new franchise quarterback, Brett Favre (you may have heard of him), looked old and was not yet gelling with his new team. 

Miami had Chad Pennington as their quarterback and he actually made them better!  Yes, the Bills were going to role through the AFC East and win the division for the first time in over a decade.

Fast forward to December and Bills fans are pulling their hair out wondering how we can possibly end up 7-9 for the third season in a row.

The loss to San Fransisco should have effectively ended the Bills' season.  The Bills have not been playing well, but the 49ers?  I mean, that team is a bleeping train wreck!  They fired their coach midseason and promoted Mike Singletary to head coach. 

In his first week on the job he was able to alienate half the locker room and use such classic motivational techniques as dropping his pants at half time.  My high school basketball coach tried that motivational technique and it motivated me to join the swim team.

I know all hope on the Bills season should be gone, I know I should accept the fact the Bills are going to miss the playoffs yet again.  But I can't stop torturing myself.  I can't stop Billieving.

From the time the schedule is released in April until the start of the season you start playing the matchups in your mind—predicting the games your team will win and lose on their way to the playoffs.  Fans of every team do it.  The talking heads on ESPN do it.  And then the season starts, and just like the coach has preached since day one, you take it week by week.

That is until your team has pooped the bed halfway through the season and pissed away their division lead.

Now you start looking at those matchups again—your team's matchups, the divisional opponents matchups, and anyone else who might be ahead of you in the wild-card race.

The Bills are 6-6.  They are two games out of the division lead and two games out of the wildcard.  They are 0-3 in the division.  And here is how they are going to make the playoffs.

Let's start with the wildcard teams.  If the playoffs started today, the Colts and the Ravens would be the wildcards.  The Colts play at home against Cincinnati and Detroit, play at Jacksonville on Thursday night, and finish the season at home against Tennessee on 10 days rest.  The Colts are in—they finish 4-0, 3-1 at worst.

Baltimore has a tougher road.  They are at home the next two weeks against Washington and Pittsburgh.  Two tough rivals looking to make a statement on the road, the early bye week caused by hurricane Ike finally taking its toll, 0-2.  Then they go to Dallas on Saturday night. 

The Cowboys are the most talented team in the league when Tony Romo is under center, and they are still playing for a wildcard, 0-3.  They finish at home against Jacksonville in what will amount to a meaningless game, 1-3.

With the Colts finishing 12-4 and the Ravens finishing 9-7, we assume the Colts are in and the Ravens are out.  And just for the sake of argument we will put the Titans, Steelers, and Broncos in as division winners.

Now, let's look at the AFC east games over the next three weeks.  The Jets go to San Fransisco this week.  Two weeks ago the Jets went on the road and beat the Tennessee Titans and then dropped one at home to the Denver Broncos, a good team, but a team the Jets should have beat. 

San Fransisco's win over the Bills should make them the best team in the league right now, right?  Fear not, Jets fans.  Teams are 2-9 this season the week after they face the Titans, and one of those teams needed an extra day's rest to win.  In my wildest dreams I can't see the Jets losing this game.

The Bills play the Dolphins this week in Toronto.  The Bills have a little extra motivation this week knowing that since 2007, the team that has beaten the Miami Dolphins on foreign soil has gone on to win the Superbowl.  Bills win their first regular season game in Toronto.

The Patriots next two games are on the west coast against two abysmal teams, the Seattle Seahawks and the Oakland Raiders.  Oddly enough, both of those teams will be coming off of Thursday games facing the New England Patriots on 10 days rest.  The Patriots lose one of those games.

Miami rebounds from their loss in Toronto with a win over the 49ers.  Meanwhile the Bills and Jets face off in the Meadowlands.  Because those teams so often split the season series, because no one circles the wagon like the Buffalo Bills, I pick the Bills to win at New York on Dec. 14.

The following week the Jets rebound and win at Seattle.  The Patriots are at home against the Arizona Cardinals.  The Cardinals suck on the road, especially in snowy New England, Pats win.  The Dolphins are at Kansas City.  Historically, KC has been a tough place to play in December. 

Historically, the Dolphins lose games they should win on the road late in the season.  Kansas City is historically bad in terms of the franchise.  Miami is making history in terms of the amazing turn around of a 1-15 team.  KC is due for a win, Miami due for a loss.  KC wins.

The Buffalo Bills are in Denver.  Still sour from the last second win in the 2007 season opener in Buffalo, the Bills exact their revenge over a year later in Denver on a last second onside kick recovery return for a touchdown.  Bills win.

Going into the last week of the season the Bills and Patriots are both 9-6 going into their last week matchup.  The Jets are 10-5 and the Dolphins 8-7.  Two monumental matchups to determine the final two playoff spots.  The Bills have to win at home over the Patriots, right?  When was the last time the Bills beat the Patriots?  When was the last time the Patriots weren't led by Tom Brady?

If the Bills win against the Patriots they clinch a playoff berth.  If the Jets lose to the Dolphins the Bills can win the division.

I know, it's crazy.  It defies logic.  It defies reasonable observation of the last few weeks of the NFL season.  But I can't help it.

I can't stop Billieving.  I can't stop thinking that Trent Edwards is going to be the quarterback he was the first six weeks of the season and that these last six weeks have just been natural growing pains that every young quarterback goes through.  I can't stop believing that Marshawn Lynch has broken out of his sophomore slump and his last two hundred yard games are what I can expect to see the rest of the season.

I can't help but hear the old adages—"On any given Sunday..." and "Nobody circles the wagon..."

I know how unlikely it would be the scenarios I have laid out come to fruition.  And yet I believe it because it gets me through the week.  It gets me up early on a Sunday.  It gives me a reason to look forward to going to the regular season finale in Orchard Park.

I know, it's crazy.  But I can't stop Billieving.  I can't stop torturing myself.