On Sunday, Tiger Woods embarked on the final round of the Frys.com Open hoping to complete a tournament for just the second time since the Masters.
Little did Tiger know that a menace was lurking somewhere within the generally friendly confines of CordeValle Golf Club. A menace armed with...[drum roll]...a hot dog.
No, seriously. You can't make this stuff up. If you don't feel like taking my word for it, Bob Harig of ESPN has all the details.
The story goes that Tiger was lining up for a putt when a crazed and possibly drunk man ran onto the green and started shouting Tiger's name. Then he threw a hot dog at the 14-time major champion, presumably to make some kind of point.
Thankfully, the perpetrator was quickly subdued, and was eventually charged with disturbing the peace. One assumes that this is the usual protocol when it comes to violent attackers brandishing hot dogs.
In case you're wondering, Tiger was not harmed. In fact, he didn't sound fazed at all when he was asked to talk about it:
He was pretty far away from me, and you know, when he started making the commotion and the gallery started to kind of get into it, I could hear the security behind me. I was still bent over my putt. And when I looked up it was already in the air. The bun was kind of disintegrating there.
So he laid down on the ground and looked like he either knew what he was doing because he laid on the ground, put his hands behind his back and turned his head away from security. So just one of those deals.
So in the end, no harm, no foul.
Nevertheless, I do think there is something disconcerting about the fact that the man was even able to get close to Tiger. That's partially a course security issue, but it's also a Tiger security issue.
And that's all on Joe LaCava, Tiger's new caddie (formerly of Dustin Johnson). He always was going to learn that being on Tiger's bag comes with some extra responsibilities, one of which is being a bully that is scary enough to deter all would-be wrongdoers. It just so happens that LaCava learned this right away.
Now that this has happened, LaCava would be wise to go back and watch film of Steve Williams, Tiger's old caddie. He and Tiger did great things in their time together, and Tiger could always feel safe knowing that Williams made it his personal business to defend Tiger from any and all funny business.
Shoot, Williams wouldn't even let one take a picture of Tiger. If you did, he was liable to grab your camera out of your hands and throw it in a nearby water hazard. We know this because Williams actually did that once.
There's a reason nobody ever attacked Tiger with a hot dog while Williams was on his bag. That's because that would have ended badly for the attacker. He (or she) would be just as likely to walk away with a pair of broken fingers as a misdemeanor disturbing the peace charge.
Shoot, had Williams been on Tiger's bag on Sunday, we probably woudn't even be having this discussion right now. Nobody would have dared to test him, with a hot dog or anything else.
If he is to be on Tiger's bag for the foreseeable future, LaCava must cultivate a similar sense of scariness. It's his job to look after Tiger, and that means more than just giving him tips on which club to use.
If LaCava doesn't shape up, it will be a hamburger next time, and Tiger may not be so lucky.