Plaxico Burress Leading Candidate for Darwin Awards 2008

Plaxico, Plaxico, Plaxico.

Really?

I can think of several ways to celebrate a contract extension, but shooting myself in the thigh isn't one of them. Even showering strippers with bottles of champagne, a la Pacman, rates as classier, not to mention safer.

Word just came down about Plexiglass being suspended for the rest of the season and all I have to say is "Thank God!" I am SO sick of hearing about the plight of the athlete, how hard it is to be idolized and a target everywhere you go.

How you need to have "protection" whenever you go out. How 'bout some protection for us, the measly simple folk, from idiots like 6'5'' giants who don't know how to use a handgun?

Come on Plax, you're 6'5'' and weigh 230 pounds. Who do you need protection from? A bunch of sloppy redneck drunks who want to steal your bling? The average New Yorker who is jealous of your slovenly lifestyle? New York Giants staffers who are looking to collect your fine money for being late to yet another meeting?

If Plaxico had accidentally shot someone not himself, imagine how ridiculous this whole spectacle would be. He would no doubt be going to jail...for a very long time. Imagine if I, or you for that matter, had accidentally discharged a loaded weapon while enjoying yourself in a bar. Bingo! Jail time!

Thus, I have absolutely no sympathy for Plax, and no patience for anyone who feels he was wronged or railroaded by the NFL or the Giants. In situations like this, athletes often bemoan the fact that they are treated like celebrities and not like an everyday average Joe who makes mistakes and gets second chances.

I'm sorry Plax, if you want that, suck it up, sit on the bench, and do some jail time. It's the same punishment we would all get, without the guaranteed signing bonus of course.