Tony Sparano: Why Coach's 0-5 Tale Is Hardly Assuring for Dolphin Fans

Oh Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony.

Say it ain't so. You didn't really pull that out, did you?

Unless you've spent the last two months drunk and disorderly somewhere on South Beach, you've got to scratch your noggin over the latest from the 0-4 coach of the Miami Dolphins, and that would be Tony Sparano, not to be confused with Tony Soprano.

Take heart, Dolphin fans, you have an experienced captain at the helm of this 0-4 ship.

Maybe it was the boredom of a bye week, but whatever it was, your fearless Dolphin leader came up with this gem for The Sun Sentinel:

"As a head coach I've been in this situation a few times, not necessarily as a head coach. I was 0-5 with Marty Schottenheimer in Washington. That's a hard place to be 0-5. No place is good. We won our last eight of whatever it was."

Goodness, did he have to bring up 0-5? Last we checked, the Dolphins were only 0-4.

Tony also had some other revelations that should sooth even the savage Dolphin fan.

On the current mood of the team, he simply declared, "It's great."

Nice. That should come as a great comfort to the season-ticket holders.

One of the many points of contention in this so far contentious season has been the free-agent performance. It's not like Reggie Bush, Marc Colombo and Kevin Burnett are vying for spots on the All-Pro team.

"I'm pleased with what they've done," is how Sparano described his level of satisfaction with Reggie and the guys.

See Dolphin fans, it's all your imagination.

This team isn't really that bad.

No need to man the lifeboats, Capt. Tony has things under control.

What's out of his control is the report that Chad Henne is gone for the season. He's been placed on injured reserve and will have shoulder surgery.

When it rains, it pours, but fear not, Capt. Tony has you covered. Umbrellas for everyone.

While Tony was on a roll in that little Q&A session, it might have been reasonable, since he was on the subject of 0-5 teams, to throw in a quick inquiry.

Q: Say, Tony, the 0-5 deal, did the team manage to make it to the playoffs by any stretch of the imagination?

And just one more (thanks, Detective Colombo):

Q: Coach, what happened to Marty and the staff on that 0-5 team?

The answers, well, those are easy.

No, there were no playoffs for the 2001 Redskins.

And yes, Marty Schottenheimer and his entire staff, Sparano included, were fired.

Just sounds like history is going to repeat itself one more time for Tony Sparano.