Roy Nelson and the 25 Best Mullets in Sports History

It's a balmy night on the playing field of Anytown, U.S.A. But the evening air is thick with something more than just midsummer humidity. It is also thick with tension. The hometown boys are up against it. The situation is bleak.

But avast! There's movement in the corner of the stadium. Fans and coaches alike cast their eyes toward the flicker. What could it be?

And then it comes into focus. It is a man. A man running not away from the adversity, but toward it.

In the front, he appears to be a normally manicured man. But in the back—oh, the sweet and glorious back—there flows the mane of the lion. 

And it is that mane that caught our attention—and the very breath within our lungs—as it ripples behind him in the warm southerly breeze.

Or, if it is an indoor sport, perhaps there he found a very large fan.

The point is not what causes the mane to ripple. Such details are irrelevant if you're really thinking about this properly.

Here's the real point. We sports fans are always holding out for a hero. A hero 'til the end of the night. You could argue that such a hero should be strong, fast, or perhaps even fresh from the fight. Or, perhaps you could argue that he is good at sports.  

I reject these notions. Each and every one of them. Why? Because when I look for my heroes, I look to something bigger. I look to the haircut. To be more specific, I look to the mullet. In the front, a serious man. In the back, an untamed lion. Who among us could look upon and then tame such a man?

By that criterion, what follows is a list of the 25 greatest sports heroes of all time. 

You are very, very welcome.

Honorable Mention: Matt Hughes

WHO'S THIS HANDSOME DEVIL?!?!

Arguably the greatest welterweight in MMA history, Matt Hughes sported history's greatest hair style in this high school photo. Bravo, sir.

25. Jared Allen

Jared Allen has a great mullet, but ends up at No. 25 for two reasons.

First, he didn't keep the style for very long. Second, he seems to take the whole thing a bit too lightly. I hesitate to make such a crass accusation, but it almost appears as if he's mocking the style or wearing it ironically.

But no. No one is that horrible.

24. Roy Nelson

Another mullet that is certainly impressive, but loses overall points for its potentially less-than-completely-serious application.

The UFC heavyweight gets the nod over Allen for occasionally festooning his mullet with ribbons (see intro slide).

23. Mike Piazza

In a lot of ways, baseball—or at least baseball caps—started the mullet.

Judging by the locks of former MLB All-Star and shampoo spokesman Mike Piazza, he certainly has deep knowledge and respect for one of baseball's wonderful grooming traditions.

22. Barry Melrose

If baseball started the mullet, hockey took it global. Hockey is mulletry's Muhammad Ali to baseball's Joe Louis.

To this very day, Melrose, as an analyst for ESPN, is a bright-burning beacon helping to keep the mullet tradition alive and well. He is truly one of the great mullet ambassadors of all time. And I mean that.

21. Shawn Michaels

Save your comments about how wrestling isn't a real sport. Because I simply can't hear you through The Heartbreak Kid's long, wonderfully conditioned mullet.

20. Urijah Faber

Hats off to former WEC champion Faber for helping to popularize a new subculture of mulletry—the cornrow mullet.

19. Tony Meola

This goalkeeper is a veteran of two World Cups and 10 seasons in the MLS.

Judging by his textbook mullet, this native of New Jersey (surprise!) was the life of every party held on the East Coast between 1988 and 1992.

18. Mark McGwire

This curly, rust-hued mullet was, to my way of thinking, the highlight of McGwire's career.

If you have a better highlight, point it out. Go ahead, I dare you. Because you can't do it.

17. Jose Canseco

You can call them The Bash Brothers if you like. But to me, they'll always be the Awesome Mullet Brothers. You know, because of their mullets.

16. Allen Iverson

As the godfather of the cornrow mullet, Iverson's influence on American fashion continues to ripple across our cultural landscape to this very day.

15. Don Majkowski

The Green Bay quarterback represented Wisconsin proudly with this luxurious blond mullet. The spikiness on the top tells you he means business. But the flowing locks on the back end are a signal that, wink wink, he knows how pretty his hair really is.

14. Miguel Angel Torres

The former longtime WEC bantamweight champion chooses to pair his mullet with a wispy mustache. It's the finest coupling since pinot noir and reblochon.

13. Larry Bird

When was the last time you evaluated the total package of an NBA player's appearance and concluded that it all just, you know, worked in the same way that it all worked for Larry Bird?

I'll tell you when. Never.

12. Tony Mandarich

Mandarich is to be commended for his compensatory instincts vis-a-vis his balding. A very, very inventive use of the mullet. More than just attractive, it's practical.

11. Marty McSorley

Hats off for one of hockey history's great mullets, worn by Wayne Gretzky's bodyguard.

10. Wayne Gretzky

Then again, it pales in comparison to the understated but nonetheless Hall of Fame-level mullet worn by the Great One himself.

9. Brian Bosworth

What's cooler than being cool?  STONE COLD.

8. John Kruk

If you look up "1980s baseball player" in the dictionary or on the Internet, this is the picture that comes up. No words need apply.

7. Jared Dudley

The Mozart of the cornrow mullet.

6. Randy Johnson

I'm glad Hideo Nomo is getting teased by The Big Unit in this picture. He's definitely the one who deserves it.

Where's your panache, Nomo? Your personality? Truly a dim thing next to the supernova that was the Randy mullet. To be fair, though, I'd imagine the Randy mullet swallowed many stars both greater and smaller than Nomo throughout its time in our universe.

5. Mitch Williams

Look at it fly! The grandeur! The majesty!

Bravo, Mitch Williams. I'll be right back. I just...there's something in my eye.

4. Andre Agassi

Welcome, my friends, to the Mount Rushmore of Sports Mullets.

The Teddy Roosevelt of the group is Agassi, who with his seemingly neverending mullet reminded us that image...is everything.

3. Jaromir Jagr

Look at his expression in this photo. He knows how fabulous it is.

You've got moxie, Jaromir Jagr!  And you know what?  I like that.

2. Dwayne Schnitzius

This seven-footer displayed his masterwork at the University of Florida from 1986 until he left school in 1989. For those who are interested, that was three years BEFORE "Achy Breaky Heart" hit the airwaves.

So I ask you: Who's the real trailblazer here? Was it Cyrus? Not if you know your history it's not. For a look at those pesky little things called "the facts" reveals that the real trailblazer here is not Cyrus, but Schnitzius.

1. John Daly

BEHOLD!

Some people believe The John Daly is nothing more than a cocktail made from iced tea, lemonade and vodka.

I call those people "damned." I pity those people. If I can relieve just one person of that misconception through the use of this slideshow, I will have done a good deed here today at Bleacher Report.

Don't stare directly at it, though, as it may cause blindness.

And you sure as heckfire don't want to taunt it.

You've been warned!