Detroit Lions to the NFL: Bring Us Your Injured, Your Washed-Up, Your Overrated

Daunte Culpepper was a bad idea. Big shock. I can say this after only a few games because there was no reason for the Lions to have picked him up, and he has not yet shown one.

This is not really a first though, is it? Detroit has long been a dumping ground for what used to resemble decent talent but doesn't resemble an NFL starter at the time of signing.

Therefore, I have decided to compile a position-by-position listing of senseless free-agent signings by the Lions in the past, combined with a likely repeat of such mistakes possible out of the 2009 free-agent pool, and a helpful alternative.

Think of it like Eat This, NOT That, NFL Edition.

Quarterback

Past: Where to start? Jon Kitna, Daunte Culpepper, even Jeff Garcia fits into this class, though it is difficult to classify him as a mistake now that he has carved up the Lions defense. The Lions have long been the team of the "quarterback with no upside," which is one reason fans are so anxious to see Drew Stanton play.

Future blunder: Draft busts Kyle Boller and Rex Grossman hit free agency in 2009, and it does seem tempting for the Lions to cut corners and stop waiting for their own picks to become busts and pick one up that is already disappointing.

Instead: Re-sign Dan Orlovsky, since he knows the system and was starting to show flashes before his injury. Matt Cassel is turning into an intriguing prospect, which means getting him will cost a lot of money and time in the offseason. The best move for the Lions is to stay out of the QB market this offseason and give Stanton a season to show some life.

Running Back

Past: From "just okay" in Denver to "not good" and "you mean we re-signed him?" in Detroit, Tatum Bell never has or will show anything great enough to overshadow "luggage theft" in his career.

Worse yet, we actually gave up close to average talent in Dre’ Bly to get him and another player to be discussed shortly.

Future blunder: Kevin Smith is showing some greatness potential and may be the best draft pick for Detroit in years. Rudi Johnson seems content to play the role of third-down back, so it seems likely the Lions will stay out of the RB market.

That being said, Ricky Williams is hitting free agency this year, and if there are two things the Lions can't get enough of, it's substance abusers and guys named Williams.

Instead: Love the one you're with. Kevin Smith will only get better, and that gives the Lions an answer on a team full of questions.

Wide Receiver

Past: I'm not covering draft picks here, otherwise this would be easy, and even redundant. So I did some digging. And while digging, I found Eric Fowler. You don't know the name, because he's just a practice squad addition. However, this kid's time line is too delicious to ignore. This could only happen with a team like the Lions.

- July 25, 2008: The St. Louis Rams cut Grand Valley State graduate Eric Fowler.

- July 27, 2008: The Detroit Lions sign Fowler to one-year deal.

- July 30, 2008: The Detroit Lions release WR Eric Fowler.

- August 19, 2008: The Detroit Lions re-sign Fowler. Terms are not disclosed, and it turns out it is irrelevant, because...

- August 22, 2008: The Lions cut Fowler again.

- August 31, 2008: Eight names are named to the Lions' practice squad. Fowler is among them.

Are you kidding me? Either you want him or you don't. Don't jerk the kid around like that. This might be a little insight as to how the Lions run training camp, which could explain a lot. Something is wrong when you sign the same person three times in a month's time.

Future blunder: Ashley Lelie is the perfect candidate for a trip to Motown. He has bounced around the league since being drafted in the first round in 2002, from Denver to Atlanta to San Francisco to Oakland.

He has not yet lived up to a contract, holding out in Denver, buying out in Atlanta, getting cut by the 49ers, and the jury is still out on the Raiders. Apparently, he thinks there should be a high price on poor play.

Who better to pay it than the Lions?

Instead: Keep Shaun McDonald, who is also in his contract year. The man has done nothing but move up the depth chart since coming to Detroit, and he plays hard. Jabar Gaffney is a name few are talking about, but he has quietly put up good numbers in New England alongside Randy Moss, and the Patriots have a penchant for letting their WRs move to free agency.

However, I put a very strong "buyer beware" on Gaffney: "Solid" WRs in New England have disappeared outside the Patriots' system (Deion Branch, David Patten, Bethel Johnson, et al) in the past.

Offensive Line

Past:  For years now, Detroit has sported one of the worst offensive lines in football. Even in the days of Barry Sanders, a decent offensive line would have transformed his 2,000-yard seasons into 2,500-yard seasons.

So fans were understandably excited that the team had pulled off a trade for a starting right tackle and running back.

Unfortunately for them, George Foster started for the Lions for ten weeks in 2007, leading the league in false start penalties (nine) and coming in a close second in the sacks allowed race (9.5) in that time.

Future Blunder: Re-signing Foster. Though first-rounder Gosder Cherlius has cemented himself as the starting RT, the Lions have shown an extremely high tolerance for Foster's poor play, and he may stay on the roster as a backup, for no other reason than his familiarity with the Lions new blocking schemes.

Instead: Forget Foster ever resided in Detroit, continue to build the lines with high draft picks. If the Lions want to dabble in free-agency, Russ Hochstein will be available in 2009. He has been a career backup, but he has also played in New England, a team boasting one of the strongest and most consistent offensive lines in football.

On any other team, he is likely a starter, especially the Lions. Better yet, he is versatile, starting games or filling in at both guard positions, center, tight end, and fullback.

Defensive Line

Past: Chuck Darby. I would ask why, but I already know why. Darby is another piece of Rod Marinelli's "2002 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Reunion, Detroit, MI" plan. Unfortunately, he can't bring us Ronde Barber or Derrick Brooks. Not even Warren Sapp.

No, he brings in Chuck Darby, who had been getting pushed around in Seattle for a few years. Now, after starting 10 games, Darby has 16 tackles and a sack. Unless he doubles those figures in the next five games, he is heading for a career-worst year.

Future Blunder: I hate saying this. La'Roi Glover would be an awful acquisition for Detroit. I like the guy. I like the guy a lot. He is a six-time Pro-Bowler, a relentless pass rusher, and an absolute class act. He is also 34 years old, and because of his accomplishments, the Lions would overpay to get him.

This is a team with no present, only a future. Glover is a player who has very little future left in the league. Five or ten years ago, he would have transformed the defense. Today, not so much.

Look out, though, because the Lions are big on signing guys who would have been game-changers five years ago.

Instead: Look out for Jonathan Babineaux. A third-year man out of Iowa, he has quietly put up solid numbers in the middle of the Atlanta Falcons' line this year with 25 tackles and two sacks. It seems likely that the Falcons will try to re-sign him, but at 27 years old, he still has some upside, and may opt to test the open market.

Though he is undersized at 6'2", 285 pounds, he is very quick off the ball and does a good job of shooting gaps. On a side note, Julius Peppers' contract is up this season, and though he is aging, he still finds time to dominate and bring consistent pressure on the pass rush.

Linebacker

Past: Detroit has done a lot of picking linebackers out of the draft, and very little signing of free-agent linebackers. Except Paris Lenon. The Lions picked Lenon up for his fifth season, after spending his first four with the Packers. Looking at Lenon's stats, one would believe he is a solid player, and in many ways he is.

However, what the stats don't show is the number of times he is caught out of position or misses a tackle, and the poor job he does running the defense at middle linebacker. Not good for the supposed "leader" position on the defense.

Future Blunder: Willie McGinest, Zach Thomas, Junior Seau, or any of the other guys who were big in the '90s. While rebuilding, the temptation will be to bring in a "name" player, someone well-known who may be a fan draw. This is the worst long-term decision the Lions could make.

Granted, I believe every one of the above players will retire after this season, but I have been wrong before.

Instead: Jonathan Vilma is a free agent in 2009. I repeat: 2004 Defensive Rookie of the Year, 2005 NFL leader in tackles, 2006 Pro Bowl selection Jonathan Vilma is a free agent in 2009.

Is there anybody in Detroit who would not be excited about a linebacker corps of Ernie Sims, Jordon Dizon and Vilma (possible since Vilma plays on the strong side)? If he is not re-signed by the Saints by the time the offseason rolls around, the Lions need to give the University of Miami grad a long look.

Defensive Back

Past: Brian Kelly and Dwight Smith were brought in as part of an "overhauled" secondary. Detroit needed it, since they were dead last in pass defense in 2007. Of course, Marinelli's "good old boy" network decided to bring in also-rans and has-beens from Tampa Bay, and part of that was Kelly and Smith.

Now, 11 games into the season, the Lions still can't stop anybody from throwing all over them, and neither Kelly or Smith has so much as a single interception.

Future Blunder: Giving R.W. McQuarters another shot. After a short tenure in Detroit, he departed for the Giants and won a Super Bowl. Now that he has a ring, he'll be looking for money. Given his skill as a return man, the Lions may be tempted to give him another look, but his defensive skill is that of a nickel back, at best.

Instead: I strongly expect the Tennessee Titans to re-sign shutdown cornerback Cortland Finnegan, but they haven't yet, and his contract is up this year. Finnegan is undersized, but like Asante Samuel, he has the speed, quickness, and leaping ability to stay with anybody.

Whomever he signs with will put up a small fortune to get him. They will also choke off half the field for opposing quarterbacks. When is the last time the Lions had a "shutdown" cover man? He would certainly be an upgrade over the likes of Kelly and Travis Fisher.