'Sports Fans' Tick Me Off

You know what ticks me off?

Sports fans.

One type of fan specifically.

Everyone has seen one. You probably work with one, or went to school with one, or have seen one at a game. They are easily recognizable. They are the buttheads of the sports world. They are the people who show up to a baseball game between Minnesota and Baltimore in a Yankees jersey. They are the native New Yorkers in Patriots sweatshirts. They are every person who wears a Manchester United jersey, but couldn't name another team in the Premiership.

They like: The Canadiens, The Cowboys, The Spurs (well maybe not the Spurs, no one likes the Spurs), The Yankees, and support Brazil in the World Cup, even though they are of Scottish ancestry and live in Chicago, Illinois.  A Toronto native in a faded 'O'Neal' jersey jumping up and down as Kobe Bryant drops 81 points on the Raptors. Your next door neighbor from Seattle who has been a "lifelong Celtics fan" since July 2007.

I hate it when I ask people wandering around my school wearing a Derek Jeter t-shirt who their favorite athletes are and they respond with 'Sydney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin, Alex Rodriguez, Tom Brady, David Beckham, Ronaldinho, Lebron James or Manny Ramirez.'

Do you people not know what you are doing in supporting these teams or these players when you have a team of your own to cheer from at home? I suppose these 'fans' have just become lazy. It the easiest thing on the planet to root for the favorite, or the guy that everyone knows is great.

But don't expect me to give you any respect.

To combat this problem i'll present my guide to choosing a favorite player.

Dont pick a superstar.

Be original. It provides you with benefits, the likes of which I'll outline below, and it basically prevents you from looking like a huge jerk.

Dont pick a superstar and then take credit for their greatness.

If you catch a player at their high point, you'll look like a bandwagon jumper. My favorite example of taking credit for a players fame was at a Toronto Maple Leaves game when a 50 year old man wearing a Mats Sundin jersey stood up and pointed to himself when Mats was introduced on the ice. 

Don't pick a player because he is revered by everyone.

Everybody loved the Chicago Bulls and I could never see the point in that. They won all the time. And usually due to heroics by Michael Jordan. While many found that to be admirable and a great reason to cheer for them, I found it to be horribly predictable and lame. And the worst part was most of these so-called fans didn't have a clue about basketball (remember the fat dudes at your school who loved Jordan but couldn't make a free throw to save their life? Is it fair to call that pathetic?) and would just jump on with the winning team.

Don't pick a superstar and then make fun of lesser players.

So, you like a player who is blessed with a natural talent you do not have and gets paid more in a month than you will see in your lifetime? Fine, you're a jerk. But if you want to scoff at someone who actually reflects your life (as his own life is a constant struggle and nothing comes easy), you may as well be a Yankees fan (this only applies to people who don't live in New York).

Let the player choose you.

Maybe i'm being precocious to expect that everyone can choose their favorite player.  Sometimes sports heroes just happen to fall in your lap.

Hopefully this small guide can help you on your way to salvation from the depths of sports ignorance.  I'll be back.