The 2008 NBA All-Name Team

This article was written by E. Spencer Kate and originally appeared on The Love of Sports and is republished here with permission.

Year in and year out, the National Basketball Association sees its share of new names come into the league.

Over those years, there have been generic names (Joe Smith anyone?) and memorable ones (Larry Bird). 

But each year, there are also those players just begging to be made an example of. These guys make news not for what they do on the court, but for what the seamstress prints on the back of their jerseys.

So here is your 2008 All-Name NBA Team:

Starting Lineup

Center: Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Cleveland

Was there any doubt “The Big Z” would be the man in the middle on this team of titans? Personally, I loved when Ilgauskas was paired in the Cleveland front court with Vitaly Potapenko to make for one of the best duos in the league—name-wise, that is.

Power Forward: Carlos Boozer, Utah

Yeah, I’m still a bit of a child. What can I say? The fact his last name is Boozer will always be hilarious to me. Had he not bolted from Cleveland for the greener, albeit much duller, pastures of Utah, this fictional frontcourt tandem could’ve actually existed for more than two seasons.

Small Forward: Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, Milwaukee

Everyone’s favourite Cameroonian basketball player’s made a quick transition to the pros, becoming a solid bench contributor for the Bucks. Through seven games, Mbah a Moute’s averaging nearly 10 points and six boards. He’s easily the most frustrating rookie to announce for team play by play guys across the league.

Shooting Guard: “Boobie” Gibson, Cleveland

Two things we’ve learn thus far: 1) I really am still a child, and 2) Cleveland’s a hotbed for fun names. I know his first name is Daniel, but much like nobody ever called “Pooh” Richardson Jerome, no one ever calls “Boobie” Daniel, either. Hearing announcers say “Boobie” over and over during a telecast is still a good laugh, no matter how old you are.

Point Guard: “Speedy” Claxton, Atlanta

The Hofstra product’s running the point for me more because his name has become somewhat ironic over the last couple years. I’m sure when the nickname “Speedy” was initially bestowed upon young Craig Claxton, he was in fact fleet of foot. Nowadays, he’s more “Gimpy” than he is “Speedy.”

Coming Off The Bench

Kelenna Azubuike, Golden State

The former Wildcat and D-League product’s been a consistent producer since joining the Warriors rotation a couple years ago. He also leads the league in combined pronunciations of his name, since every announcer has their own take on it.

Yakhouba Diawara, Miami

Not only a member of the All-Name Team, but also a member of the Towel Waving All-Stars, led by tri-captains Mark Madsen, Sean Marks and Brian Scalabrine.

Nene, Denver

Rocking one name isn’t enough to get you on this list. Sorry Yi, sorry Yao. But when you pair the singular name with a given name of Maybyner Rodney Hilario, you easily get a spot coming off the bench for my squad.

Zaza Pachulia, Atlanta

Is his sister Eva coming off the bench for the Hawks too? Of wait, that was the Gabors.

Johan Petro, Oklahoma City

Outside of when it’s followed by Santana, every time I hear the name Johan I think of a Scandinavian kid with blonde hair running away from his parents with a fistful of chocolate. I most certainly don’t think of a black, seven-foot-tall French center who’s been a colossal bust thus far in his career.

Thabo Sefolosha, Chicago

Screams Swiss basketball player doesn’t it? Yeah, I didn’t think so, either.

Bobby Brown, Sacramento

What can I say? It’s his prerogative. He can do what he wants to do.

(For more of Kyte’s lyrical stylings, go to http://spencerkyte.blogspot.com.)

Editor's note: To construct the All-Name roster on WhatIfSports.com, the most recent available season was selected (mostly 2007-2008), but rookies Luc Richard Mbah a Moute and Bobby Brown were not available.  So we added Beno Udrih, Fabricio Oberto and Travis Outlaw.  Did we miss any other obvious ones?