St. Louis Cardinals: Filling the Void With the Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet
It's only been a few days since The Machine went on the DL, but Redbird Nation is already suffering Pujols withdrawal symptoms.
There's absolutely no cure for this malaise, but Bleacher Report is trying to fill some of the void by offering you 10 new entries for your Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet.
Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 10
1 of 10"Flight 400"
The deepest part of the new Busch is centerfield. At 400 feet, AP's blasts officially become "Flight 400" when they surf the St. Louis sky. Don't try to make radio contact from the control tower.
Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 9
2 of 10"Goes NASA"
Strangely enough, I think of NASA each time José Alberto Pujols Alcántara uses his bat to laugh at the moon. The average distance from Earth to the moon is 238,857 miles, but it seems a lot closer in Beer Town when No. 5 hits the launching pad.
Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 8
3 of 10"Manicures the Bullpen"
Capital P is an equal opportunity masher, grass or turf. He's not about to get as serious about the sod situation as Carl Spackler in "Caddyshack," but El Hombre is always willing to lend a hand to his friends in the bullpen.
Go ahead and say it, "It's a Cinderella story."
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Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 7
4 of 10"Mails One To The Out-of-Town Listeners"
It's good to see KMOX back as the flagship radio station of the Redbird Revolution. Magic Al is doing his part to regularly mail souvenirs to everyone in the signal area.
Speaking of signal area, The Mighty MOX gets big ups for regularly reaching 44 states and as far as South Africa. Legendary Gas House Gang announcer Mike Shannon is famous for his colorful calls.
In recent years, he chided an opposing pitcher for giving up a blast to Big A by saying, "You can't sneak the sun past the rooster!"
Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 6
5 of 10"Phat Flight"
It's not fat, it's phat. Just like it's not a home run, it's a Pujols production. You often hear phat associated with a music beat. Pooh's power makes him the maestro of the Gateway glockenspiel.
Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 5
6 of 10"Feeds the Bleacher Creatures"
Never mind the cost of tickets, have you seen concession prices at the ballpark lately? We're expecting our local credit union to start offering "Fan Improvement Loans." Never fear, the Gentleman Masher is repurposing pitches to help the cause.
They may just be bleacher creatures to you, but nobody cheers louder when Albert dings for his supper.
Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 4
7 of 10"Yells With His Bat"
Once upon a time, my English teacher taught me that personification is when you give human qualities to nonhuman objects. Despite the injury, I'm still not willing to call Prince Albert human.
There's absolutely no doubt, however, that his loud bat would have gotten Al into trouble with my English teacher, Miss Sabonis.
Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 3
8 of 10"Googles Gone"
Our unofficial research shows that if you Google the word "gone" in the St. Louis area, the first entry says, "See Albert Pujols." His trot-friendly approach to the game is reinventing longball lingo. There's no truth to the rumor that he hubbled one from his couch while on the DL.
Don't worry, Albert, we are QWERTY-ready for the next time you put on the uniform.
Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 2
9 of 10"Screaming Dot"
According to answers.com, there are 108 double stitches on a baseball (which some people call 216 stitches). The first and last stitches are completely hidden. They are sewn by hand, using 88 inches of waxed red thread.
That seems like a lot of work just to have AP parachute them into the parking lot. We know that dogs have better hearing than humans. Well, if you are a true member of Redbird Nation, you can actually hear the baseballs scream when the Albert Bomb detonates them.
Albert Pujols Home Run Alphabet No. 1
10 of 10"Pujols: When It Absolutely, Positively Has to be There Right Now."
We're not saying the advertising folks at FedEx are asleep at the wheel, but maybe they are putting too much focus on football. Where are the Pujols commercials? E Pluribus Pujols is a great uniter of many peoples, races, religions and ancestries. It's not just about home runs.
Get well soon, Big Al!
Award-winning writer R. Scott Murphy offers "E Pluribus Pujols," a unique look at baseball's best player, in his new book "Ducks on the Pond." "Ducks" also includes nearly 1,000 fun entries for the Home Run Alphabet. Murphy shares daily entries for the Home Run Alphabet @MentalKickball on Twitter. R. Scott Murphy's official home on the web is www.officialmidnitewriter.com.
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