Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling: Episode Two Review

We're back for Week Two of Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling on CMT. In case you forgot what happened in Week One, here you go. To recap, pop singer Tiffany is gone.

First Quarter-Hour

-The group is together and talking about their injuries and what moves hurt the most. Frank Stallone tells us that Dennis Rodman "hits hard," meaning he's not that safe.

-Todd Bridges and Erin Murphy argue about why what team won and the dangers of freestyling. Butterbean and Danny Bonaduce are not having any of it.

-"How's your ex-wife, Danny?" is what Murphy drops on Bonaduce right before the trio of Hogan, Jimmy Hart, and Eric Bischoff walk in. As the trio stand by, Murphy and Bonaduce argue some more, Murphy cries and Bonaduce says it's dating back to when he was six years old on Bewitched. Whatever.

-It's challenge time as the teams have to jump from 30 feet off scaffolding onto a giant inflatable stunt pad. Trischelle is terrified to jump and we have our "Will she or won't she?" reality tv moment, complete with triumphant music and Bridges saying how proud he is because she's willing to "take it to the limits." This mat is enormous and is like a bounce house. I think most 10-year-olds would do this, but somehow she's courageous.

-Frank Stallone is scared of heights and won't due the stunt. He is mocked by both coaches, Bridges, and Butterbean.

-Bischoff asks Nikki Zeiring (seen here in her work outfit) what she learned from the stunt and experience. She laughs and has no answer.

Second Quarter-Hour

-The three moves of the week are headlock takedown, school boy rollup and the shoulder tackle. Knobs warns everyone that they better get ready, because "they just raised the bar." I don't know what's worse: claiming that learning a shoulder tackle is raising the bar or that these celebrities actually believe it.

-Bonaduce doesn't make practice because of his radio show commitments. Beefcake asks his team how they feel. Trischelle is really concerned and Bridges laughs it off. What does Trischelle do when she's not on reality TV shows? Anything?

-Hey, the world television premiere of Beer For My Horses is coming up! Toby Keith is not only a singer and a rassler, but also an actor? How does he do it all?

-At Team Nasty, Murphy is really struggling with the headlock takedown and claims her neck hurts. She starts to cry again and babbles. Who is she again?

-Knobs is frustrated at his team, while Beefcake seems quite at ease as a coach. So far, he's coming off really well in this whole scene.

-While going through spots, Rodman hurts his shoulder off a second-rope clothesline onto Knobs. Didn't look that bad, but Rodman was covering up his face and according to Stallone, "crying." We find out later it's a rotator cuff injury and he has to take this match off. He then rotates into the manager role and Stallone will take his spot.

-Butterbean farts. Hilarity ensues.

Third Quarter-Hour

-As Bischoff is announced as a judge, he gets booed lustily. I guess every show with judges needs a Simon Cowell, but does that make Jimmy Hart Randy and Hogan Paula Abdul?

-Our first match of the night is Team Beefcake with Trischelle/Bonaduce vs. Bridges/Butterbean. Bridges gets booed when he comes out for some reason...probably because he continues to wear a fedora at all times.

-Bubba The Love Sponge survived to episode two. Dear God no.

-Apparently, Bonaduce and Trischelle are the heels. These people are cheering very randomly, so I'm assuming they are heavily prompted. They don't like Bridges' headlock on Trischelle.

-Bridges tries to connect on something looking like a clothesline that is very ugly. The fedora appears and disappears at random.

-Bonaduce/Trischelle win after 'Duce gets an awkward roll-up on Bean, barely grabbing one leg. It strikes me that they should really stick to certain people playing heels and faces as it's tough to figure out who is who based on the crowd. Bean tosses 'Duce over the top onto some security folks to add a twist onto the end of the match.

-This match was pretty sloppy. Considering the matches are edited, I'm guessing these are pretty unwatchable in person.

Final Quarter Hour

-It's Team Nasty's turn as Murphy/Dustin "Screech" Diamond take on Nikki/Stallone with Rodman as manager. Screech looks natural as a heel. Knobs is yelling instructions to Nikki on the outside as this is her first match.

-As Stallone is on offense, Rodman tries to distract the referee away...which makes no sense. This match is so edited, it's scary.

-Bubba loves Diamond's selling.

-Nikki and Murphy put on a wrestling clinic that would make Kelly Kelly vs. Maria look like a five-star match.

-The heels win in an awful match. Diamond seems to be the only person on Team Nasty that understands how to sell moves and residual damage. Stallone's clotheslines are amazingly bad.

-According to Hogan, Team Beefcake had the better match so they're safe from elimination. Bischoff tells Nikki that she has a lot to work on, while Hart gives Diamond some praise. Despite taking the match on short notice due to Rodman's injury, Stallone gets the dreaded "You're a jabroni...get out of my ring!" speech from Hogan and is off the show.

Next week: the celebs create characters for themselves. Also, My Big Redneck Wedding looks amazing.

Josh Nason has written and maintained Ropes, Ring and Cage since 2007. He can be reached at [e-mail].