A Rivalry in Ruins: Spartans Vs. Wolverines

Dear Wolverines:

Wanting to beat the crap out of you every year used to be fun. Now that it's expected of us, I am left with nothing but angst. By turning your team into so much crap, so fast, you've ruined everything.

I hate you.

This year's retooling Michigan team was supposed to have a strong, experienced defense to go with a green but improving new offense. I let myself imagine them playing the role of perfect foil for a nicely improving Michigan State.

I had assumed that the winner of this game could emerge with the respect of being legitimately "good," perhaps one of the top four teams in the conference, while the loser would be left to slink away modestly and try to earn respect and a bowl bid in other ways.

In this scenario, losing to you this season would still be rough, but not totally unexpected (been there, done that, Big Sister). A win, on the other hand, would tell the Spartans that they'd taken an important step forward.

Instead, your self-inflicted descent into chaos will leave the Spartans with no credit for beating you—even in your own damn stadium—and only limitless grief for losing.

And that's why I hate you

I could accept it if you had slowly devolved into mediocre futility, like Notre Dame did.

Once upon a time, I sincerely enjoyed the week before Notre Dame, giddy at the prospect of winning and able to adapt and move forward after a loss. Back in the late 1990s, Notre Dame was the kind of game that allowed Nick Saban's Spartans to measure their upward progress.

Slowly, as we started regularly beating the snot out of the little leprechauns (9-3 over the last 12 tries), and it became clear that a lot of others were doing it as well, I got used to the idea of just being anxious about the humiliation of losing to them and began to nervously expect wins.

As far as my pre-game level of anticipation or concern, they have evolved to become something akin to a good MAC team: A loss to them is a solid indication that Michigan State is not going bowling.

But nothing of this gentle adjustment period has happened with Michigan. After beating the Spartans the last six games and not losing to them at home since 1990, you chose to fall into total futility before we ever got a sufficient chance to rub your noses in it and experience the joy of beating a rival for its own sake.

Now, instead of a Christmas-morning type of anticipation over this game, I am filled with only the angst that goes with awaiting somebody to emerge healthy again from routine surgery.

Without us getting the chance to fire a shot in your demise, you have become the "trap game" rather than the "big game." You're now just something to worry about the week before we play Wisconsin.

What remains? Even when playing against you and expecting to win, all I have to offer is schadenfreude.

Here goes:

Michigan State beating you this Saturday will guarantee the worst regular season for Michigan in more than 40 years and leave you with no remaining postseason options outside of the Motor City Bowl (and George Perles can't wait!).

You have spoiled our rivalry and disrespected the game of college football with your putrid performance this season. If the Spartans are up by double digits late in the fourth quarter, and then score another touchdown, I'll be the guy screaming, "go for two!"