June 2nd TNA Impact Wrestling Review: Eric Bischoff Gets Served!

Despite Eric Bischoff's comments earlier this week where he basically said that the IWC doesn't matter (there was a great article on the topic written by Tom Clark, I highly suggest you go check it out) to him or TNA, I will try and do this review of TNA with as little bias as possible.

So Impact Wrestling opens up with Bischoff getting served by some random suit and then standing there questioning why he didn't get a phone call about this. I smell Vince Russo and his trademark writing; reminds me of the downfall of WCW—good times, good times.

Next we cut to a backstage brawl between ODB and Velvet Sky, which is a refreshing change of pace from the hundreds of other opening brawls that TNA's done over the past few months. Also, it's good to see women opening a show and taking center stage—nicely done TNA.

The fight eventually spills out into the Impact Zone, where the crowd is DEAD. I can't remember the last time I heard a crowd this quiet during a show, which is kind of sad because it's actually a pretty entertaining little brawl. 

So the brawl ends with Velvet being left in nothing but a bikini (stay classy TNA) and ODB counts a mock three-count. Tenay and Taz then run down the card for tonight, which will feature Miss Tessmacher vs. Angelina Love, AJ Styles vs. Bully Rey...and cue Sting's music.

The Bully Rey/AJ match might be good, but if this show only has two or three matches I might find myself watching Game 2 of the NBA Finals more than TNA. (On that note, did you guys see the end of that game? Fantastic last six minutes of basketball by the Mavs.)

So Sting's music hits, but it's not the real Sting—it's retro Sting-Anderson. I'm a big fan of Mr. Anderson, and I, for one, like what they're doing with this feud between him and Sting; it's something new.

He says he has a shocking surprise for us, and that tonight he will face one of Sting's most famous competitors. Judging by the fact that Disco Inferno came back last week, I have money on it being That 70's Guy or Oklahoma, with an outside possibility of the long-awaited return of WCW's greatest champion, David Arquette, with Robocop making the save.

We then see Bischoff backstage, distraught over being served and freaking out about the whole incident before he is interrupted by Brian Kendrick who wants a title shot. Long story short, a match is made for Kendrick vs. Kaz. Cue commercial.

So far so good. The opening brawl was a decent way to open the show, even if the crowd was deader then Disco Inferno's career. The Bischoff angle smells of bad writing, which leads me to believe it will be terrible. But then again, what do I know—I'm only some stupid wrestling fan that actually wants TNA to do well.

So back to the show.

Bischoff calls Beer Money out to the ring and tells them that despite Roode's injury, the pair still have to defend the belts every 30 days or they have to vacate the belts, which leads Alex Shelly to come out and explain that since his partner's on the shelf, he could take Roode's place in the match.

So now it's James Storm and Alex Shelly vs. The British Invasion at the next PPV. Wait, The British Invasion? When was the last time they were even in a match? How in the world are they the No. 1 contenders to the belts? What about Ink Inc or The Mexican Americans?

Commercial Break.

I have no problem with putting Shelly with Storm; the two are veterans and can put on some great matches. My only problem is where did The British Invasion come from, and why did they leapfrog TNA's entire tag team division?

Match 1: Matt Hardy vs. Crimson

They are talking a lot about Crimson's five-month undefeated streak and his match against Samoa Joe at the next PPV. All this leads me to think that Matt Hardy is about to go back to being a jobber, at least for this match.

The match goes a little over six minutes and ends with Crimson getting a clean victory. Hardy got enough offense in to make us believe that he could have beaten Crimson, and Crimson was made to look like a tough guy to beat. Samoa Joe tried for a run-in afterwards, but was speared by Crimson.

Winner by Pinfall (Clean): Crimson

Rating: 2.5 out of 5

I am looking forward to where the Crimson/Joe feud goes; it's one of the few feuds in TNA that I care about these days.

Backstage, we see Anderson confront Eric Young and compliment him on his great win over Gunner last week. Anderson then convinces EY to help recreate the 1989 Sting vs. The Great Muta match. EY agrees, as long as it's done respectfully (if you had money on The Great Muta, then you win the big prize; if you had someone that the average wrestling fan knows, you lose big time).

We then have a Winter-Love promo that I couldn't care less about, and then more Bischoff. Now he's telling the members of Immortal that he wants to thank them for their service. He then leaves Immortal wondering what the future holds for them.

Dear TNA: The Immortal/Network/Fortune feud has gone on long enough. We are close to reaching the one-year mark on this power struggle storyline—please put this thing to rest. I'm begging you. This is your version of the Raw GM, and at least they don't use that every week.

Match 2: Miss Tessmacher vs. Angelina Love (w/Winter)

Here's my Hiaku on the match:

Match was short and bland/ Love picks up the pin and wins/ Post-match Tess beat down.

Winner by Pinfall (Clean): Angelina Love

Rating 1.5 out of 5

Match 3: Retro Sting-Anderson vs. The Great Muta-Young

(Get it? Like Mae Young, but instead it's Muta-Young...eh, forget it)

So I actually thought this match was fantastic. You have to love that Eric Young is willing to do some of these gimmicks. Highlights of the match include EY hitting a great belly-to-belly suplex and a surprisingly well-done Muta Moonsault (back in my day, The Great Muta had the best moonsault in the business).

The match ended with Gunner running to the ring for the distraction and EY channeling his inner Muta and spraying the Green Mist into Anderson's eyes for a small package win. If someone asked me to describe the match in two words, I would say "Vintage Muta," but I promised I'd never use that word—so instead, I'll just call it a fun, well-done match.

Winner by Pin (Not Clean): The Not-So-Great Muta-Young

Rating: 3 out of 5

Gunner then comes in with Anderson and beats down EY, Sting comes in for the save. Commercial.

There's only one problem I had with that last match: Eric Young, TNA's joke character, just beat Mr. Anderson, the company's No. 1 contender. While I liked the match, it did hurt Mr. Anderson's credibility as a future champion now that I think about it. 

Match 4: Kaz vs Brian Kendrick

If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of me hitting my head against the wall at the end of the next match.

This match was good—it went for over 10 minutes and featured some great moves and spots by both guys. The only problem is that the finish was so bad that I refuse to rate this match. The match ends because it reaches its time limit, they restart the match and Abyss comes out and beats both guys.

TNA, one question: Who the hell is the No. 1 contender? This match was supposed to determine that, was it not? So if no one wins, who faces Abyss for the X-Division title?

Winner: Who Cares

Loser: Fans of TNA and The X-Division as a Whole

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 for the Match, Minus 5 Stars for the Finish

Also, why is Abyss quoting "The Art of War?" When exactly did Monster run down to the public library and pick up the greatest military guide of all time? Who taught Abyss how to read? Who exactly came up with this stupid gimmick? The answer to these questions and many more can be found in the newest WWE DVD, "The Rise and Fall of TNA."

Next, there's a promo between Bully Rey and AJ. Guess that match got canceled—great. The promo was actually pretty good, but it's mostly just stuff we've heard before. This feud, like the power struggle and Angle/Jarret, needs to end; it's gotten stale and TNA needs to mix it up a little if you ask me.

Match 5: Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett (w/Karen Jarrett) vs. Kurt Angle and Matt Morgan

So it's time for our main event of the night, and the match was exactly what you'd expect: complete and utter chaos. That being said it was an OK main event and the sight of Karen getting injured and the thought of maybe, just maybe, her being written out of this feud filled me with hope.

The finish was all over the place, but it didn't take away from the match. Steiner picked up the win while Angle was distracted with Jarrett. Matt Morgan gets pinned again—fantastic.

Winner: Scott Steiner and El Kabong

 Rating: 2.5 out of 5 

We return to find the medical team still checking on Karen and Tenay, wearing his serious face for this one, explains that she should not have been out there, and I could not agree any more. Now please, fly away Karen, go back to wherever you came from, never to return to my TV. 

Commercial break.

So while I'm waiting for my popcorn to pop and this commercial to end, here are the top five things TNA should do to fix their company:

5. End the Angle/Jarrett feud.

4. End the Bully Rey/AJ feud.

3. Focus more on young talent than veteran star power.

2. End the power struggle storyline (please, for the love of God, end it).

1. Fire Vince Russo (and possibly bring back Jim Cornette).

Extra: Stop doing stupid gimmicks like Abyss thinking he's Sun Tzu.

Let's do one more: Push Matt Morgan and stop having him get pinned in meaningless matches to people like Jarrett and Steiner.

So what better way to end an episode of Impact than with more of the never-ending power struggle storyline. Hogan and Bischoff come out and talk about how the network sent them a letter.

(As a guy who came into wrestling with a little company known as ECW, I have to say: TNA, stop stealing ECW's storyline. I mean, it didn't even work for them back then. Next thing you know TNA will have a stable made up of the children Rick Flair had during his many escapades around the world.)

This led to several teases that maybe, just maybe, Hogan and Bischoff had lost to the network and that the great TNA power struggle was over...

NOT. Turns out they're firing Foley for some reason. I stopped caring about halfway through this promo and changed it to the NBA Finals, where real drama was happening.

Final Thoughts

This Impact was very lackluster. For every good thing that happened, two bad things happened. The fact that the power struggle storyline keeps going on is just more proof in my mind that Russo is destroying a company that was once very entertaining to watch.

Other than that, the Eric Young/Anderson match was good, the opening brawl was a good change of pace and the X-Division match was good for what it was. Even taking all that into account, I can't really say that I enjoyed this Impact all that much. When they changed their name to Impact WRESTLING, I figured that the wrestling would take center stage, but life goes on and the song remains the same. 

Rating for this Impact Wrestling: C- 

Thanks for reading and please comment bellow and tell me what you thought of this week's Impact. Also, I'm going to start reviewing Ring of Honor events starting with their last PPV Honor Takes Center Stage so be on the lookout for it.