The Terrible 10 of College Football: Week Nine

It's depressing squeezing the Syracuse Orange each week but no one has made a serious effort to seize their sad throne. Though the train wrecks that are the Washingtons and the San Diego State Aztecs seem to be getting serious about getting becoming Halloween football horror shows.

1. Syracuse Orange, 1-6

After the Orange were held without a first down in the second half against the South Florida Bulls, running only 18 plays for nine yards, Syracuse head man Greg Robinson said:

“I say this, I think we can play with anybody we play from here on in...." then he broke into his Steve McCrosky from the film Airplane imitation.."Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."

In other Syracuse football movies news, The Express: The Ernie Davis Story was sacked at the box office. The film's star Dennis Quaid is threatening to file a lawsuit over cruel and unusual labor practices because the films producers made him sit through the Syracuse slaughter at the paws of the Penn State Nittany Lions.

That was the very same game that the pathetic play of the offensive Orange offense made Syracuse legend Jim Brown actually physically ill.

2. The Washingtons Cougars and Huskies, 1-13

The Washington's were whipped 103-13 this week. One of the endless ESPN talking heads said the Washington State Cougars might be the worse team in PAC Ten history.

UCLA Bruin Coach Rick Neuheisel said wait a minute didn't anyone see us against BYU this year?

The Washington Huskies have dropped 11 in a row.

The last Washington whipped this badly was Coach George against the Redcoats under Coach Howe at Brandywine.

Tyrone Willingham really needs the French Fleet to appear to salvage the season.

3. San Diego State Aztecs, 1-6

After the New Mexico Lobos went loco devastating the Aztecs 70-7 San Diego State Coach Chuckling Chuck Long said:

"We have a very fragile football team. There is no question about that right now. There’s not much confidence in that locker room"

In a quirk of history those were the same words Aztec Emperor Montezuma used when preparing the Aztec defense against the run and gun Hernan Cortés spread offense.

Expect Chucks luck to be the same as the school's namesake.

4. Clemson Tigers, 3-4

New Coach Dabo Swinney proved he could lose just as well as old Head Coach Tommy Bowden. Coach Dado was dejected because the Tiger offensive line apparently resigned back in August months before Bowden. No one told Dabo that.

Clemson QB Cullen Harper, who again was a turnover machine with two INTS against Georgia Tech, said Bowden got what he deserved.

NFL scouts say Harper will also get what he deserves, a nice rest on NFL draft day without the bother of his phone ringing.

In more exciting Clemson news the NCAA has announced it would broadcast a special Thanksgiving with the Bowdens  pay per view edition in which brothers Tommy and Terry will engage in a MMA no holds barred match in their old man's yard.

5. SMU Mustangs, 1-7

It was whispered after his Mustangs were tamed yet again a depressed Coach June Jones crept into the film room and wept. Worried assistants say he has taken to dressing as a beach Elvis watching  Blue Hawaii and weeping while singing uncontrollably.

Night and you
And blue Hawaii
The night is heavenly
And you are heaven to me
Lovely you
And blue Hawaii

6. Idaho Vandals, 1-7

Again me wonders why a University in Idaho is named for an ancient Gothic tribe that conquered North Africa  and sacked Rome in 455?

And these were real Goths, OG's Original Goths, not the cheap overly, made up, black dressed, depressed tribe wondering around today.

7. North Texas Mean Green, 0-7

When the Jimmy Lou Monroe Warhawks sun belt your butt its time to welcome ya to the Terrible 10.

8. Mississippi State Bulldogs, 2-5

Coach Sylvester Croom croons that his offense is coming along fine, averaging just 14.4 points a game, at that pace they might break triple digit points for the season.

9. Michigan Wolverines, 2-5

Is this the way the Wolverine faithfuls saw the Slick Rick Rodriguez era unfolding? Maybe those folks in the West Virginny hills have some powerful West Virginia Mountaineer Mojo working.

10. Purdue Boilermakers, 2-5

How can the Boilermakers make Joe Tillers farewell tour any more torturous? Perhaps they can Gatorade douse him after each loss as the days grow colder and Joe grows older.