NBA Playoffs 2011: A Heckler's Guide to Kevin Durant

There are some things that just make being a sports fan tough. 

One of those things is finding a way to heckle Kevin Durant, the superstar and leader of the Oklahoma City Thunder. It's quite a difficult thing to do. 

But rest assured, heckling KD can still be done. It'll just take some work. 

So the next time you're at a Thunder game—and trust me, you'll have quite a few more chances this season—pull out this handy-dandy guide and scream your lungs out at No. 35. 

Without further ado, the top 10 ways to heckle the league's scoring champion. 

10. "I Wish You Were on My Team!"

Andy Lyons/Getty Images

MEMPHIS, TN - MAY 09: Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder celebrates during the game against the Memphis Grizzlies in Game Four of the Western Conference Semifinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs at FedExForum on May 9, 2011 in Memphis, Tennessee.The

Okay Kevin, look.

You're good and all, but you'd look so much better in my team's jersey. 

I mean, the Atlanta Hawks could really use you lighting up the scoreboard in the Highlight Factory (Insert different team name and stadium nickname when applicable). 

That light blue really doesn't bring out your eyes well.

9. "You're Such a Nice Kid!"

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DENVER, CO - APRIL 25: Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder heads up court against the Denver Nuggets in Game Four of the Western Conference Quarterfinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs on April 24, 2011 at the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado. The Nu

Seriously Kevin, would it hurt you to actually be mean once in a while?

You always say the right things, always thank God for the opportunities you've received and never say anything that's controversial at all.

The meanest thing I've ever heard you say was when you called Chris Bosh a "fake tough guy." And you know what? That's true!

8. "Your Jumper Is Prettier on TV!"

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MEMPHIS, TN - MAY 07: Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder shoots the ball during the game against the Memphis Grizzlies in Game Three of the Western Conference Semifinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs at FedExForum on May 7, 2011 in Memphis, Tenness

Seriously, Kevin? 

I came here expecting to be impressed by your supposedly silky-smooth jumper, but I'm not too thrilled. In fact, it looks much better in high def on TV. 

Oh wait, that's because I'm sitting a couple rows back instead of staring at my 40-inch flat screen?

Damn. Never mind. 

7. "You're Overly Loyal to Your Team!"

Andy Lyons/Getty Images

MEMPHIS, TN - MAY 07: Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder celebrates during the game against the Memphis Grizzlies in Game Three of the Western Conference Semifinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs at FedExForum on May 7, 2011 in Memphis, Tennessee. N

LeBron James is still a better basketball player than you are, and he dragged out his choice with The Decision while simultaneously stabbing his hometown team, the one that drafted him, in the back.

Kevin, all you did was tweet (not even hold a press conference) that you had signed a five-year extension with the Thunder.

Seriously? Don't you want the publicity? 

Being humble is overrated. 

Plus, Oklahoma City isn't even the team that drafted you because you started out your career in Seattle. You have no reason to be so frustratingly loyal.

6. "You Don't Have Enough Tattoos!"

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OKLAHOMA CITY, OK - MAY 03: Forward Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder reacts against the Memphis Grizzlies in Game Two of the Western Conference Semifinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs on May 3, 2011 at Oklahoma City Arena in Oklahoma City, Oklah

Hey Kevin! Isn't getting tatted up the hip thing to do in the NBA right now? 

I mean, I can actually see your skin just like your mom could when you were born. 

Oh wait? You do have tattoos all over your chest and stomach? 

Well, c'mon then! At least have the guts to put them where we can see them!

5. "You're Not One of the Three Best Players in the NBA, but You Are Top Five!"

Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

DENVER, CO - APRIL 23: Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder looks on against the Denver Nuggets in Game Three of the Western Conference Quarterfinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs on April 23, 2011 at the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado. NOTE TO USE

Seriously though, Kevin, don't go getting a big head just yet. You're good, but you aren't that good. 

Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Derrick Rose are all better, but some of those guys aren't that much better, and you may even be able to convince me otherwise. 

I mean, you're one of the five best, but seriously, hold your horses on the greatness campaign.

4. "You Have a Gold Medal but Not a Title!"

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LAS VEGAS - JULY 24: Kevin Durant #5 of the 2010 USA Basketball Men's National Team appears during a USA Basketball showcase at the Thomas & Mack Center July 24, 2010 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

Hey Kevin, remember how you led Team USA to a gold medal in the FIBA World Championship and you were named the MVP and all that jazz?

Yeah, well about that. It was only a world championship. 

You still haven't won an NBA title quite yet. 

Could this be the year? Sure. Did you take your team from the bottom to the top pretty quickly? Yes. Are you still only 22 years old? Absolutely. 

But get going already!

3. "You Have Skinny Arms!"

Andy Lyons/Getty Images

MEMPHIS, TN - MAY 09: Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder celebrates during the game against the Memphis Grizzlies in Game Four of the Western Conference Semifinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs at FedExForum on May 9, 2011 in Memphis, Tennessee.The

Yo Kevin! Remember how you couldn't even bench 180 pounds at the NBA draft combine back in 2007? Weren't you the only player that couldn't do that?

Well, from the looks of your arms, it doesn't look like much has changed. 

Seriously though, Durantula, tarantulas have thicker arms than those toothpicks coming out of your shoulders.

No, I don't care that you could still beat me in an arm-wrestling contest.

2. "You Didn't Win the Scoring Title Twice!"

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WASHINGTON, DC - MARCH 14: Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder brings the ball up the floor against the Washington Wizards during the first half at the Verizon Center on March 14, 2011 in Washington, DC. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledge

So in 2010 you became the youngest-ever NBA scoring champion. As an encore, you led the league in scoring this year.

But who cares? Why focus on the two seasons where you did win?

After all, you didn't lead the league in scoring during your first and second seasons!

C'mon man, can't you at least do better than that?

1. "James Harden Looks Cooler Than You!"

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OKLAHOMA CITY, OK - MAY 03: Forward Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder looks at James Harden #13 during play against the Memphis Grizzlies in Game Two of the Western Conference Semifinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs on May 3, 2011 at Oklahoma Cit

I see you, Kevin. I see you looking enviously at James Harden. 

I know you want that mohawk and beard. After all, Harden looks ridiculously cool and, well, you don't. 

What's that?

Yeah, I see the way he looks at you too. Maybe you should consider that trade he wants. You know, giving him your skills for his head.