Humor: Bo Pelini Cashes in on Suitors' Interests

(Bo Pelini, prior to bedazzling his trademark grey hoodie with diamonds)

Even before the football season has started, Nebraska is moving up the ranks of the B1G conference. Over the weekend, details were released that head coach Bo Pelini signed a new contract that will increase his salary to $2.775 million next year, and ultimately to $3.175 million. Pelini is now the third-highest-paid coach in the BeeOneGee conference, after Ohio State's not-yet-fired Jim Tressel and Iowa's Kirk Ferentz.

Clearly, Nebraska athletic director Doctor Tom Osborne must have been impressed with Pelini's ability to win the big games. You know, like the 2010 Big 12 Championship against Oklahoma. Or the 2009 Big 12 Championship against Texas. Or the 2010 "Red Out Around The World" home game against soon-to-be 5-7 Texas. Or the 2011 Holiday Bowl against a 6-6 Washington NU beat by 35 points three months earlier in Seattle.

Hmm. Well, there are those two straight Big 12 North titles Pelini has won. Not to mention the shiny IOU from Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe for the division champion trophy.

In a completely unrelated story, the NCAA has accused Tressel of improper conduct for hiding information about potentially ineligible players. If not-yet-fired Tressel becomes fired Jim Tressel in the near future, surely Osborne couldn't be concerned that Ohio native and Ohio State alum Pelini would be interested in a move to Columbus.

After all, Pelini gave such a definitive denial of his flirtations with Miami after the 2010 season. And we all know his fondness for wearing grey.

BEEONEGEE CONFERENCE UPDATE

At the Husker Hotwire, we are committed to providing you coverage of Nebraska's new opponents as NU prepares for its first season in the B1G Conference. Stunningly enough, there was conference news that did not involve Jim Tressel. Badger Hotwire reports that at Wisconsin's Spring Game, the White team logged a 29-27 victory over the Cardinal team. What was remarkable about that score is that neither team got the ball into the end zone, and only one field goal was scored.

Hotwire staffers, after putting their shoes and socks back on, still struggled to understand how 56 points were scored from one field goal, until they learned that a "modified scoring system" was used. Given Nebraska's anemic offensive performance at the end of last year, the Hotwire can report that Pelini will (or at least should) be lobbying for the installation of such a scoring system for all BeeOneGee Conference games.

AROUND THE HOTWIRE NETWORK

BC$ Hotwire reports that nine of the 11 NCAA officials who will be deciding if the Fiesta Bowl should remain in the BC$ after its financial shenanigans came to light got free food, free hotels and free golf from the Fiesta Bowl. Cue the Hotwire's continuing plagiarism ofCBSSports.com's Gregg Doyel in observing that the BC$ will be investigating the BC$ and determining the BC$ did nothing wrong.

Wolverine Hotwire files their "we couldn't agree more" report about former Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez, saying that it was a mistake on his part to leave West Virginia and go to Michigan. Mountaineer Hotwire would file the report under "schadenfreude," but is too busy finding alternate sources of energy. Or something.

Hawkeye Hotwire reports that Kirk Ferentz awarded Chip Doyle Iowa's inaugural Assistant Coach  of the Year award. What did Doyle do that was noteworthy this year? Oh, just oversee the players over the summer while their workouts landed 13 of them in the hospital with rhabdomyolysis, a dangerous muscle disorder. No word yet on what the other assistants have planned to top Doyle's accomplishment in the coming year.

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