Dennis Rodman and 25 Players You Wouldn't Leave Alone with Your Child
The NBA is good for a lot of things, but one thing it is not good for is producing guys who seem like they would be good with kids.
Whether they be fathering numerous kids with numerous women, assaulting various people, or just plain crazy people, there are so many NBA players that I wouldn't want to let anyone's kids near these men, let alone mine.
I would never let my kids (which are imaginary by the way) near many of the players in the NBA these days, as they just seem like a bunch of crazy or questionable guys.
However, there are a few throughout history that are just head and shoulders above the rest in terms of who I would never want watching my kids.
So, here I have the top 25 guys who would leave me the most nervous as I was walking out the door with them babysitting.
25. Sam Cassell
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Sam Cassell would frighten the living daylights out of my imaginary children.
No offense to Cassell, because I am sure he is a good man, and he was a good basketball player in his time, but he is a frightening man.
There is nearly no difference between him and anything from any alien invasion movie made in the past sixty years.
24. Scott Pollard
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Scott Pollard was the ultimate benchwarmer for years in the NBA. He was the precursor to Brian Scalabrine.
The only incident that would make me leery of leaving my kids with him was this one incident when he was the 12th man in Cleveland.
I don't know whether he knew if the camera was rolling or not, or if he just didn't care, but he clearly says, "Hey kids, do drugs."
Nice one Scott, nice one.
23. Keon Clark
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Keon Clark started in the NBA in 1998 and left after the 2004 season.
If it weren't for a few issues after his career ended, and a revelation that makes his stats make much more sense, he wouldn't be remembered much at all.
Clark stood trial in 2006 on marijuana and gun charges, but he never showed up for court, and was later arrested boarding a bus in Houston.
The craziest thing about Clark was his admission that he never played a game sober during his NBA career.
Yea, I don't think I'll be calling that guy to babysit anytime soon.
22. Gilbert Arenas
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The most obvious reason to not trust Agent Zero with a bunch of kids was the infamous gun incident that lead to him getting suspended for much of the 2009-10 season.
Besides that, Arenas is a man who usually seems to have his head in the clouds, and is usually just in his own world.
In a story from Esquire, it's reported that Gilbert dreams of playing basketball on a desert island with fans circling on water-skis.
21. LeBron James
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The biggest problem I would have with giving my kids to LeBron James for a few hours would be that he would probably end up leaving to watch another group of kids a few hours in.
I would drop my kids off with him, he would promise to watch them until I get back, and then before I come back he would go off and watch some kids in Miami with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.
20. Stephon Marbury
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There once was a time when Stephon Marbury was a productive basketball player and a reasonably balanced human being.
He was a relatively normal man up until about 2005 or 2006, and then he just went crazy.
It seems that every interview he went on to do after that point he did something outlandish, like talking about kissing his sister on Bruce Beck's Mike'd Up.
Following that, he did a series of live webcasts, one of which he went a bit overboard and started crying, another of which he started eating from a jar of Vaseline, which he claimed kept him healthy and strong.
In reality, it was all going downhill after he got a tattoo on his dome, nobody with a head tattoo is getting near my kids.
19. Shawn Kemp
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The biggest problem I would have with letting Shawn Kemp watch my kids would be him teaching them bad habits.
The main bad habit that I'm afraid he would teach my kids would be fathering illegitimate children, considering he has at least seven kids by six different women.
18. Dikembe Mutumbo
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Dikembe Mutombo is a gentle giant, and a great philanthropist, but he is just plain frightening.
First of all, Mutombo is a seven-foot tall man from Africa, with a smile that looks more like a growl than anything.
Then there is his voice, that would send any grown person running away, not to mention a small child.
17. Spencer Haywood
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Spencer Haywood seems like a completely fine man on the surface, but when you dig down deeper there are some things that you just can't see.
Haywood wrote in his autobiography that he hired a hitman to kill his head coach after Paul Westphal suspended him for the 1980s Finals.
Shortly thereafter, he changed his mind and decided to let the man live.
Wow, what a nice guy.
15. Kevin Garnett
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Kevin Garnett has changed from one of the most respectable players in the NBA into one of the dirtiest and nastiest guys in the league.
From calling Charlie Villanueva a cancer patient to just being an all-around dirty player, Kevin Garnett would be too angry and dangerous a man to leave my kids with.
14. Rasheed Wallace
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Rasheed Wallace, during his tenure in the NBA had one of the shortest tempers in the league.
He was constantly getting in fights, often with people he could easily beat up (like Slava Medvedenko here).
Wallace would have an even shorter temper with kids I would think, and would end up yelling at them and scaring the living bejeezus out of them.
13. Latrell Spreewell
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Latrell Spreewell chocked his coach, I feel like that's enough.
Spreewell would either be another guy that would scare the living crap out of kids, or would teach them that they didn't have to listen to authority, and when all else fails, choke whoever it is that is upsetting you.
12. Charles Barkley
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The foul mouthed Charles Barkley would have my kids swearing like sailors in a matter of hours, and he would teach them a terrible golf swing in the process.
Aside from that, he with his Taco Bell sponsorship would end up feeding the kids whatever meat it is that Taco Bell uses in their food, and would send them home reeking of of questionable meat products.
11. Isaiah Thomas
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There are two things that would bother me if I were to leave my kids with Isaiah Thomas.
First, Thomas was one of the angriest players of the eighties, headlining the Bad Boy Pistons. He would teach them to fight as much as they could in order to get what they want.
If he didn't teach them what he learned during his playing days, he would teach them how to ruin a basketball team, just like he did with the New York Knicks.
10. Ruben Patterson
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Ruben Patterson had quite a few off-court incidents in his career, but the one that really bothers me is the one involving his child's nanny.
Patterson was accused of raping his kids' nanny in 2000, which forced him to register as a sex offender.
9. Wilt Chamberlain
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This would really only be if I were to have a young, but teenaged daughter.
As we all know, Wilt was a bit of a playboy in his days, claiming that he slept with over 20,000 in his lifetime.
So, I don't think that it would be wise to leave any girl over the age of 15 with Wilt.
Sorry dude.
8. Kermit Washington
17 of 25Kermit Washington landed the most ferocious punch in the history of the NBA, and it would just freak me out to be around him.
I'm sure that he is an okay man, and was just a victim of circumstance, that someone would eventually have landed a hit like this in the rough-and-tumble 1970s, but the hit just gives me chills.
Forget leaving my kids alone with Washington, I wouldn't want to leave myself alone with the man.
7. Rick Barry
18 of 25Rick Barry is an all-time great, unfortunately he is one of the worst teammates of all-time as well.
Teammates were afraid to let Barry down as they were afraid of what he would do if they ended up losing the game.
Barry was just one of the worst guys to play basketball with, so I can't imagine what he would do with a bunch of rowdy kids.
6. Jayson Williams
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Jayson Williams is the most questionable man of the recent era in the NBA.
In 2002, Williams was tried for the shooting death of his limo driver, eventually being convicted of trying to cover up the death and settled out of court on a civil wrongful death suit.
In the years following, Williams was tasered in a New York hotel, was involved in a bar fight in North Carolina and received a DWI in Manhattan.
5. Delonte West
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Delonte West is easily one of the most unstable people in the NBA today. He suffers from depression, and doesn't always take his meds, as shown from the incident back in 2009 in Maryland.
West was pulled over for a traffic violation while riding a three-wheeled motorcycle and it was discovered that he had three guns on him in a guitar case.
Exactly what he was doing with three guns in a guitar case in Maryland we may never know, but one thing is for sure, I'm not calling him this Friday night to babysit my nonexistent kids.
5. Calvin Murphy
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Besides being a Hall of Famer, Calvin Murphy is most famous for inciting the brawl that led to Kermit Washington putting a permanent dent in Rudy Tomjanovich's face (more on that later).
Oh, and Calvin Murphy also out Shawn Kemped Shawn Kemp, as he had 13 kids with nine different women.
On top of that, he was brought up on sexual molestation charges with five of his daughters.
Yea, don't come near my kids, whether they are real or not.
4. Eddie Johnson
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Eddie Johnson is the posterchild for cocaine in the NBA during the 1980s.
The former Hawks All-Star once jumped out the window of a two-story building, while being chased and shot at by two men.
Later, he stole a Porche from a car dealership.
The biggest reason I wouldn't want to give my kids to him is that he is currently serving a life sentence for sexual battery on a child under 12.
3. Ron Artest
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Where should I start with Ron-Ron?
There is the whole brawl at the Palace at Auburn Hills, which would be enough to deter anyone from giving him their kids.
Aside from that, he is just a crazy man who does crazy man things, including thanking his therapist after winning the title (which may actually be a good thing).
Still, I don't want Artest anywhere near my kids.
2. Stephen Jackson
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Ron Artest gets most of the blame for the incident in Detroit back in 2004, but really Stephen Jackson comes out looking like the craziest man in that scenario.
Before charging into the stands, Jackson tried fighting basically everyone on the Pistons, and then when he realized Artest was in the stands, he wanted to get in on the action.
Jackson sped past Artest and just started swinging at anyone within arms length.
I wouldn't want anyone with that short of a temper dealing with my kids.
1. Dennis Rodman
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What is there to say about Dennis Rodman.
Really, everything that there is to say about him, has been said, so really I think I'll just leave it at that.
The Worm would be the absolute last person I would want to have watch my kids while I go out on the town for the evening.
