The Ultimate Fighter 13 Recap: 5 Things We Learned in Episode Two

I wouldn't go so far as to say Brock Lesnar has a way with words. But that oft-repeated line of his--something about making chicken salad out of chicken, eh, leavings--gets my vote for the catchphrase of the season so far, even if it's not exactly Shakespearean.

But it works  because it's true. And last night, Brock Lesnar team member Chris Cope followed his coach's "advice" when he outscrapped Javier Torres to notch the first win for Team Brock and even the score with Team Junior Dos Santos.

Here are five more things that came to light on last night's episode.

5. Chris Cope Has No Chance of Winning the Ultimate Fighter

Photo Credit: MMAJunkie

When I watched the prefight interviews and such, I was sure Torres would walk right through Cope. Most other stakeholders, including Lesnar himself, seemed to feel the same way.

A few hours of clinching and several chicken salad sandwiches later, Cope had outlasted Torres for the victory.

All respect to Cope for pulling out the win over Torres, who was team Dos Santos' second pick. But if Torres had expelled as much energy on counterstriking as he did on mock-congratulating Cope and trying to call timeout after every clean hit, this one would have ended differently.

Still, Cope could be one of those guys who keeps surprising you. Then again, nah.

4. Brock Lesnar Couldn't Be Unquotable If He Tried

Maybe this isn't a new revelation. But it's interesting to observe Brock Lesnar when the adrenaline isn't telling him what to do.

Even in moments of relative candor, he still just has a gift for saying memorable things. I mentioned the chicken salad metaphor, but after Cope-Torres he opined that the two had "done the waltz" for two rounds, thus providing a succinct and visually accurate portrait of the clinchfest. In fact, when it comes to giving opinions period--even on his own fighters--Lesnar seems capable of only the thinnest of sugar coatings.

3. "Nobody Ever Died by Getting Tired"

Junior Dos Santos laid this little motivational gem on his charges right before he made them put on those Vietnam War-era gas masks that some genius bought in bulk from a military surplus outlet and repurposed as a high-end fitness accessory.

A couple of issues here. First, you can indeed die of exhaustion (or, at least, complications related to the exhaustion). It's not likely, and I'm sorry to nitpick, but yeah...it can happen.

Second, I have a counter quote: "Fatigue makes cowards of us all." That was Vince Lombardi. During his fight with Cope, Team Dos Santos member Torres was kind enough to demonstrate this one firsthand.

Don't look at me like that, Junior. I'm just calling 'em like I see 'em. 

2. Keon Caldwell = Dedicated Family Man, Unemployed Fighter

Look, I have a family, too. And I'm on the road sometimes. So I know what it's like to miss people.

At the same time, if I have a chance to compete for my dream job on national TV, I think I could get by with Skype for a little while.

Keon Caldwell couldn't. At least, that's what he said right after choosing vomiting as his cooldown exercise following a workout, and again right after he got his butt kicked in a practice. Maybe it was just the way the editors put it together, but from my view on the couch, his homesickness seemed to coincide rather eerily with his instestinal sickness.

In the end, it's hard to have a lot of sympathy for Caldwell. Last I checked, the UFC didn't hold guns to people's heads to try out for "The Ultimate Fighter." And it's not like the filming location was a surprise. What? You mean I have to move to Las Vegas OMG?!?!?!

Regardless, here's wishing Caldwell the best on whatever new career path upon which he will now be embarking.

1. This Season's Hothead Coach Is Not Brock Lesnar

Photo credit: SNAC

It's Dos Santos assistant Lew Polley.

Polley initially came across as a dogged motivator, but as the show wore on he seemed to be taking everything a little too seriously. This is the guy who curses out the cashier because the cole slaw has too many carrots.

Competitiveness and focus are one thing. Anger management is another. At the moment, Polley seems to be straddling that line.

The teaser for next week's episode hinted that things will get worse with Polley before they get better. As always, stay tuned...