NFL Low-Lifes and Week Five Picks

This week features the Battle of the Mugshots and would-be-mugshots. Adam "Pacman" Jones, Chris Henry, Tank Johnson, Cedric Benson, not to mention the shadow of Odell Thurman—all will be present in Dallas on both sidelines.

Chad JOHNSON (I will not placate his childish arrogance by calling him by his new ridiculous last name) said this week his team was better off when they were getting in trouble with the law. And they keep putting a microphone in front of him and giving him a voice.

The man who has spent time punishing his team with penalties just to grab attention, feuded publicly with coaches and other players, and fathering children by various women, is not even going to be one of the three most despicable people on that field. Benson was found not guilty, and Tank Johnson was acquitted of his second offense, so I will leave them off the list, too.

Terrell Owens has disrespected his only other two quarterbacks and last week complained about not getting the ball enough when he was the target of over a third of his team's plays despite being covered by one of the league's best corners. We hear how he has matured because he threw a block for someone the week before?

Any time things go wrong, we see how Mr. I-Drop-More-Passes-Than-Anyone-In-The-League reacts. He is selfish and does not consider how his actions impact a team. He does not even consider how off-base his perceptions are.

For instance, All-Pro running back (they usually get the ball more, TO) Marion Barber got the ball only eight times, so he would have had a legitimate beef about being under-utilized. In fact, Barber and fellow All-Pro Jason Witten had less calls between them than T.O. got on his own.

A reasonable person in T.O.'s position would have seen what the rest of us did.

I would have been quoted as saying, "I love that (offensive coordinator Jason) Garrett and (quarterback Tony) Romo kept trying to get me the ball, and they did it because they know I can make plays. But maybe since it wasn't working, we should have used me to open things up for Witten and Barber."

But T.O. is not the worst person in this game, either. Chris Henry was suspended for half a season last year and four more games this year for violation of the league's conduct policy. Wikipedia lists thirteen allegations brought against Henry in three years, and while not all of them were legal issues, he did face consequences for seven offenses between violations of league or societal rules.

Of course, the conduct policy was created less for Henry than for Adam "Pacman" Jones. His legal issues range from being associated with public intoxication, a cocaine dealer using his car, obstruction of justice, assault, vandalism, and two shootings, one of which left a man paralyzed for life. There are too many details to cover, but you can see them at Wikipedia.

Most of these stemmed from his patronage of strip clubs, but on the day he was meeting with Roger Goodell to discuss a return to football, where did he stop? A strip club.

I believe in second chances, but Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys are enabling the problem of modern athletes entitlement by giving this guy so many chances. My only consolation is the knowledge that no team with this many players lacking character can win a title.

But as you will see by my picks, they can and will beat another team with no character. The Bengals have been in every game but have been unable to make the plays necessary, because as I keep saying, closing takes character.

The only chance the Bengals might have had was to catch the Cowboys overconfident and napping. But that was made difficult by a tough loss last week at home for Dallas, and ended entirely by Chad Johnson's big mouth about what he is going to do when he catches his (probably meaningless) touchdown.

Below are all of my picks, in order of the team least sure to win to most sure. It's usually not a good idea to make three picks based on teams being due to win or lose, but in my defense, they are near toss-ups without that factor.

1. Cardinals: despite how bad the Jets made the Cardinals look and how much better the Bills are than the Jets, I think the Cards will learn from the problem, don't face a quarterback of Favre's level, and are at home. Mostly, I think the Bills are due for a loss.
   
2. Vikings: with Sedrick Ellis out, Peterson will run all day and keep that dangerous offense off the field. They also have the defense to contain it when it's on the field. I also think the Vikings are better than 1-4. Having said all that, the Saints are better than 2-3, have that potent offense, and can load up against the run because the Vikings have no real passing game.
   
3. Ravens: this team proved it was for real against a very good Steelers team. I said all along Joe Flacco would turn out to be the best quarterback in this draft, I just didn't think he would be this good this fast. The Titans, meanwhile, could have a controversy at that spot, and they, too, are due for a loss.
4. Patriots: the Forty-Niners defense will be a problem for Matt Cassell, but I am not convinced their offense can produce against real competition.
5. Jaguars: the Steelers have too many injuries and Jacksonville seems to be making the adjustments necessary to compensate for their depleted offensive line.
6. Buccaneers: I repeat, the Denver Broncos are the most overrated team in the league. They only earned one of their three wins and it was against the dysfunctional Raiders. They have no defense, and the Buccaneers have beaten real teams like Green Bay, New Orleans, and possibly Chicago without the help of referees.
7. Colts: they are playing after a week of rest against a winless team, so the fact they are not a lock shows how far they've fallen. The Texans are due for a win, but the Colts are also better than their record.
8. Eagles: without Shawn Springs, the Offensively Named Ones' defense has a chink, but they still have two good corners. Unfortunately for them, the Eagles would have been tough to beat with Springs and Jason Taylor.
9. Bears: Detroit had an extra week to prepare and has the weight of Matt Millen lifted; the Bears were bold enough to suspend Pro Bowl defensive tackle Tommie Harris. But it's still not enough for the Lions.
10. Packers: I am hoping they do not play Rodgers and risk him to further injury, and even if they do I doubt he will be as effective as normal. That, the Pack's plethora of injuries, and Michael Turner are why this is no longer a lock.
11. Chargers: this team is better than its record (even if you grant them that win in Denver), with quality wins and a close loss to a good Panthers team. The Dolphins will not be able to surprise them.
    
12. Panthers: I know they have a couple guys out, but they are not the Broncos with a mental block at Arrowhead—they beat the Chiefs at home.
13. Giants: they will be the only team still standing unbeaten after this week, as the Seahawks have too many issues.
14. Cowboys, as described above.