The Terrible Ten Of College Football: Week Five

Sad Syracuse Head Coach Greg Robinson had his chance.

He had Pittsburgh's Dave Wannstedt, who has made a career of the choke, down in the Dome in the fourth quarter. But terrible ten losers always fold like cheap tents in a Sahara sand storm when the pressure is on. 

And so Wannie slowly squeezed the Orange.

1] Syracuse Orange (1-4)

"Some bad Division II football team in upstate New York," said former Orange All-American Fullback Daryl Johnston to ex Pittsburgh Panther Defensive Tackle, Tony Siragusa as the Goose questioned the Moose about who Pitt beat on Saturday during a national NFL Fox broadcast.

Mocked on national TV by NFL announcers? What does it take for the Orange to fire Robinson and his enabler AD Daryl Gross who has been a disaster. Gross is reduced to calling ESPN radio shows and whining about how good Lacrosse has been under him.

Sweep Syracuse clean, or drop the program. 'Tis that bad.

Was it that long ago Donovan McNabb, Marvin Harrison, Keith Bullock and Dwight Freeney were Orangemen?

2] Rutgers Scarlet Knights (1-3)

All that promise, all that hype. Tony Soprano on the tele promoting Jawsey football. And the Rutgers fans get whacked just like Tony should of been in that diner while listening to Journey.

3] Virginia Cavillers (1-3)

Adios, Al Groh! The Cavs were dominated by the Duke Blue Devils. The suddenly violently vicious Duke that is.

The Cavs have been outscored 128-20 by Division I opponents. When Thomas Jefferson ran from the British as they seized Monticello, he never expected his University would still be in retreat all these years later.

4] The Washingtons (1-8)

Take solace (University of Washington) Huskie and (Washington State) Cougar gridiron men, the team in Washington DC is having a worse year. But will Tyrone Willingham win another term even if shut out?

5] SMUTEP Mining Mustangs (2-7)

UAB has been voted off the island as SMU and UTEP united under the crying ex-Hawaiian, June Jones. UTEP Head Coach Mike Price was seen running across the Rio Grande shouting he was going show these wild Juarez whores what a mining man can do.

6] UAB Blazers (1-5)

After barbecuing the Blazers, Memphis Showboat Coach Wild Tommy West cracked several teeth biting into the 100 pound bronzed barbecue rib trophy awarded to the winner of the barbecue bowl. Wild Tommy West didn't care he's on a wicked Memphis Riverboat roll...

7] Tennesse Volunteers/ Mississippi State Bulldogs (2-7)

The tail of the SEC, these two schools will likely will be looking for new leaders in 009. The SEC will show no mercy in 008. When does the new 007 movie come out anyway? James Bond will be more exciting then watching then these dual duds.

8] Idaho Vandals (1-4)

Vandal Head Coach Robb Akey said he likes the improvement he saw in his defense while it was being whipped by the win less San Diego State Aztecs 45-17. Idaho is allowing 47 points a game, so 45 points is Akey's happy place

9] UCLA Bruins (1-3)

Depressed UCLA Head Coach Rick Neuheisel sadly admitted that after being whipped by BYU a few weeks back, several of his players reluctantly became the girlfriends of several BYU players.

The Mormon footballers said they were just kidding about the girlfriend part they just wanted to see how badly the big city boys were beaten down. Still, many Bruin players wore dresses back to LA.

The whole girlfriend adversely affected the Bruins as the team prepared to become the bitches of the Fresno State Bulldogs.

10] Hawaii Rainbows/ San Diego State Aztecs (2-6)

The Rainbow Aztecs get the nod at ten just because the locales are so much nicer then 0-4 North Texas and 1-3 Utah State.

The Aztecs beat up the Vandals. The real Aztecs scored an early win over Cortes also and faded badly in the stretch.

Why are the Louisianans, The Layette Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Ragin' Cajuns and the Jimmy Monroe War Hawks absent? 

Its too easy to slander the Sun Belt.

The loser of the Cock Nutt Bowl, Steve Spurrier's flaccid Cocks vs Houston Nutts Rebels, this week might be shafted back to the terrible ten.

And 0-4  Army gets a Patriotic pass, they have bigger things on their minds then the games.