Dear Dallas Cowboys Fans...

Dear Dallas Cowboys Fans,

As a die hard Philadelphia Eagles fan, I have been in countless arguments with you so-called die hard fans. I have heard from every Cowboys fan who has ever lived that you guys are the greatest team in the history of professional sports.

You have won five Super Bowl rings and that makes you the best team in NFL history.

Never mind the fact that two other teams have won five Super Bowl rings, San Francisco and Pittsburgh were never dubbed “America's Team.” Therefore, Dallas's Super Bowl wins are slightly better than those of the Steelers or the 49ers. And the fact that you have also lost three Super Bowls? You're just so much greater because you appeared in eight Super Bowls.

San Francisco never appeared in eight Super Bowls. They're only five-for-five in the big game. Pittsburgh never appeared in eight Super Bowls, they only made it six times and their one loss was to big bad Dallas.

Who cares that Dallas lost to Pittsburgh in the Super Bowl twice in four seasons? That just adds to the fact that Dallas has 'been there' more times than any team ever.

But what you Cowboys fans have failed to realize over and over and over again is that football is NOT ABOUT THE PAST.

Baseball is about the past. Baseball is a sport where history is cherished and revered and relived over and over again. New York Yankees fans always will have bragging rights because they won 26 world championships. It doesn't matter if the Yankees miss the playoff for the next 50 years. No team will be able to hold anything over the Yankees.

But football is not a sport about the past.

Football is a sport about the present day. Nobody cares who the 1976 NFL MVP was. Nobody cares who the best offensive tackle from the 1980s was. Nobody knows who players like Len Dawson are. Because people just don't care. They don't want to talk about football history. Why do you think authors can't sell books on football history? It doesn't interest anyone. People care about what is happening in the game RIGHT NOW!

And guess what? In the present time period, you have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

No Cowboys fan under the age of 18 can vividly recall a Dallas playoff victory in his or her lifetime. Not one. You guys haven't won a playoff game since 1996. I repeat, you have not won a single playoff game since 1996. You have lost SIX STRAIGHT PLAYOFF GAMES. Six straight playoff games.

Your record-tying sixth consecutive postseason loss came at the hands of your so-called brilliant quarterback, Tony Romo.

Last year, Dallas became the first team in the history of the NFC to lose a divisional playoff game at home. Against the New York Giants, a team that you beat twice in the regular season. A team that was an average 10-6 team at best. A team lucky to be in the playoffs.

The Giants, led by Eli Manning, walked into your turf and pushed you around for 59 minutes, until your quarterback threw the most costly interception of his career, ultimately ending your season.

I don't care if Eli Manning has a Super Bowl ring or not, he is not a good quarterback, and I'll say it, he is no Tony Romo. But on January 13, 2008, Eli completely outplayed him.

Backtrack a year. It gets better.

January 6, 2007. Romo saves the Cowboys season and leads them into the playoffs against Seattle. With the game on the line, Romo gave me my greatest moment as a Cowboys hater (excluding Eagles-Dallas games, see: Sheppard, Lito).

Romo's fumble gaffe is ranked by Fox's Best Damn Sports Show Period as the eighth biggest blunder in NFL history (only the fourth biggest in Cowboys history though, see: Lett, Leon; Lett, Leon; and Smith, Jackie). Bottom line: Romo cost the Cowboys the game.

Now if this had been Donovan McNabb, critics would have been merciless. Simply merciless. But because Romo had such a great rookie season, his blunder is overlooked. The Cowboys wouldn't have even made it without him, right?

I'll stop there. There's more though. Carolina killed you guys in the 2003 wild card round. Minnesota killed you guys in the 1999 wild card round. Arizona killed you guys in the 1998 wild card round—that one makes me laugh: The Arizona Cardinals, an 8-8 team that allowed 53 more points than it scored during the 1998 season, walked into big, bad Texas Stadium and proceeded to hand Dallas a solid 20-7 loss.

Bottom line: You've been embarrassing over the past 12 years. The past two years have been especially special.

Yet, I still hear Dallas fans everywhere running their mouth. “We've got five Super Bowl rings!” “McNabb sucks!” “T.O. gets along with Romo!”

Over the past dozen seasons, Dallas fans have had nothing to cheer for. I pity you guys. But most of all I pity the fact that you just flat out don't realize how much you've sucked.

Yup, you might be the best team in the NFL this year—I'll give you that. You had a recent loss to Washington, but the real test was versus Philly and you passed that. You will make the playoffs this season, probably by virtue of a division title.

But why this year? Why will you suddenly win a playoff game this year? Because you're going to be the top seed? Because you have Tony Romo? Because Carrie and Jessica have Tony on their fantasy team? (I'm not talking about football.) Because you're America's Team? Because you lead the NFL in bandwagon fans?

Do something first. Win a playoff game.

You couldn't win a playoff game with an NFL-record thirteen Pro Bowlers. You couldn't win a playoff game with Bill Parcells, one of the greatest coaches in NFL history. You couldn't win a playoff game versus the worst 8-8 playoff team in football history.

The entire NFL knows that both wild card teams are coming out of the NFC East. Philly, Washington, and the Giants. Two of us will make it; one will not. One of us will play the pathetic NFC West winner. The other one will play either the NFC North or the NFC South winner.

Guess what? I think the NFC East is going to have three playoff teams in the divisional round.

Do the math. Dallas, if you win the division and get your bye, will be hosting one of us. The Eagles. The Giants. Maybe the Redskins. Your NFL-record six-game losing streak in the playoffs could very well hit seven.

So what if you win home field? Why should we be scared? Philly, Washington, and the Giants can all win in Dallas. Philly and the Giants have had recent postseason success. Washington is a storied franchise as well.

Say what you want about Donovan McNabb. He has a 7-5 record in the playoffs and has never lost a first-round playoff game—ever. Five games, five wins. I'll take Donovan over Romo any day.

I'll take our law-abiding players over Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones, and Tank Johnson.

Just wait until T.O. starts talking like crazy. Wait until Pacman realizes that he's not better than 90% of the players out there, gets depressed, and starts revisiting strip clubs. Wait until Tank Johnson gets arrested for the 37^th time.

So, as an Eagles fan watching the Cowboys over the past 12 seasons, I just want to say thank you.

You have provided me with countless memories that I will cherish for eternity: Lito's 102-yard interception return...Lito's 101-yard interception return...McNabb's 14.1 second scramble...the Christmas Day Massacre...Quincy Carter...Ryan Leaf...Vinny Testaverde...the onside kick...T.O.'s alligator arms vs Michael Lewis...T.O.'s tears...

We've beaten you with offense. We've beaten you with defense. We've beaten you with McNabb. We've beaten you with Garcia.

You have made average players look like good ones (see: Baskett, Hank). You have made good players look like great ones (see: Sheppard, Lito). You have made great players look like fantastic ones (see: McNabb, Donovan). And you've done it all while still thinking that you really are big bad Dallas. Scary Dallas. America's Team.

Losers of six straight playoff games.

To all of you Cowboys fans out there--keep running your mouth.