WWE Raw Review: March 21, 2011

Due to the recent controversy surrounding the use of the term "wrestling" in anything involving the WWE, all references to this will be replaced with the entertainment equivalent.

I’m watching in HD this week! On a 42-inch screen! The excitement is overwhelming. Please enjoy this HD review.

The show kicked off with Justin Roberts introducing J.R! Now, forgive me, I should really have listened properly when he said the voice of the WWE. I don’t think I’ve ever been more gutted when it was just Cole doing a horrendous imitation of the legendary commentator. I can’t believe I was sucked into that. Raw was already off to a bad start for me.

The Game’s music kicked in. Cue another pointless promo about the match at EntertainMania. The less said about this match from here on in, the more exciting it will be when it finally happens.

The first observation I made was that HD is not friendly to Triple H’s head—but it made me long for the days when the presentation was a bit more risqué and edgy. Also, he wore the same grey T-shirt he’s been wearing for the past four weeks. Check my previous reviews if you don’t believe me.

Triple H then cut a promo saying he wanted to look the Undertaker in the eye next week and tell him he will lose. Can’t you do it before your match at EntertainMania to save us all the trouble of watching it next week? He ended with a mocking “Rest In Peace.” Another long, time-wasting promo for everyone and who came to save us all? Ted DiBiase. I don’t know why I bother watching this show.

DiBiase wanted to get himself noticed Miz-style by taking out the cerebral assassin. Good luck with that there, Ted.

To be fair, I can’t believe he got the five or six punches in that he did. He paid for it though and met the stairs in a brutal fashion. Triple H then proceeded to abuse DiBiase with a chair, and pedigreed him through the table. Who didn’t see that coming?

Sheamus got a chance to exact revenge on Evan Bourne next, as the two faced each other. Sheamus took control early and looked to be in a foul mood. Evan missed the air-bourne and suffered a brogue kick. Sheamus has had three wins in the past week, more or less. Oh yes indeed, he is back. I hope he goes undefeated for a long time.

He grabbed a mike and rubbed in the fact that he is champion of the USA and Daniel Bryan cuts in. He said he would like to invoke his rematch clause at EntertainMania. Sheamus just brogue kicked him. Is that a yes or a no?

Randy Orton was shown backstage in the parking lot next to a bunch of buses. How random. Nevertheless, there was a method to WWE’s madness as you will see later. Orton explained he loved systematically destroying the Nexus one punt at a time. He truly is the new SuperCena. Not even Cena could get rid of Nexus.

Maryse vs Eve Torres was next. ...hmm? Yeah...sorry. I did say I was watching in HD. Michael Cole interrupted the Divas match again. It’s unbelievably disrespectful. Eve picked up the victory then went after Cole and nearly knocked him out. I wish she inadvertently had, so we wouldn’t have to sit through the inevitable Cole segment.

The Corre (Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel) were facing Santino and Kozlov—possibly one of the worst collaborations ever. Don’t get me wrong, Santino’s superstar skills are far above average, but his character is a joke. Oh wait no—jokes are funny.

Wade Barrett provided the distraction for a second, allowing Justin Gabriel to hit his patented 450 splash. Let the four-on-two attack commence. Then Big Show’s music hit and Kane’s pyrotechnics went off which made it clear business was about to pick up!

The Big Show and Kane absolutely owned The Corre but if this ends up being an eight-man tag team match at EntertainMania, I may just scream.

There was a lot of filler this week. Recaps and promos all just seemed like a waste of time. If you’re struggling for content two weeks before EntertainMania, it isn’t a good sign.

Cena was live via satellite next— just feeling sorry for himself and saying The Miz deserves to be champion. Boring. I won’t call him a hypocrite just in case...

Cole then piped up again. Oh God, here we go.

Jack Swagger was in the ring by the time we came back from the adverts/commercials. Love the Vader-Time sign in the background. If you were the fan who brought that in the arena you are a total lad.

Michael Cole runs through Lawler’s photo album, even calling his father a midget at one point! You can guarantee there will be some complaints about that. I’ll bet it ends in an apology.

Lawler eventually had enough and flung himself at Cole dispatching Swagger with right hands. Cole ran away and Swagger regained control with a thunderous clothesline. Cole and Swagger make sure Lawler is subjected to the ankle lock.

Well waddaya know, Cole apologised. Not for the midget thing but I’m still counting it.

Dolph came to the ring with LayCool and Vicky Guererro to face John Morrison, who was accompanied by Trish Stratus. We didn’t get a chance to see anything entertaining between the two, because the Divas situation got out of control. The GM chimed in and made it a four-on-two match.

The only part of the match that was engaging was when Morrison was tagged back in. Until he was pinned by Vicky Guerrero. Oh yeah. It happened, bleachers. I didn’t believe it either.

I think we can forget about charismatic John Morrison for the time being.

Everyone always moans when I don’t mention the Sin Cara promos, so here I go. There was a Sin Cara promo.

The penultimate match was an EntertainMania Rewind match between Randy Orton and Rey Mysterio. I’d like to propose an EntertainMania Rewind match for next week. Undertaker vs Triple H. Oh wait, no apparently that match didn’t happen at X-Seven.

Mysterio’s sitting senton looked messy as Orton dropped too soon. CM Punk showed up on the Titantron and fooled Orton into thinking he was going to board the bus holding his family (so that’s why Orton’s promo was there...) and CM Punk attacked him with a pair of bolt cutters when he arrived. Not in an S&M way, he just hit him with them.

Final segment. This means I’m only 10 minutes away from never having to talk about this awful Raw again! Apart from in the comments section of course.

I had totally lost interest in the show by this point, so I wasn’t really concentrating until Miz revealed his custom belt. Riley has been rehired under a new title I didn’t catch. Miz said his new belt doesn't spin anymore. Has he been living under a rock? It hasn’t spun for years. Hopefully the emergence of this custom belt will mean that we will get a nice new one like TNA when he eventually loses it.

Cena appeared on the Titantron, the fake walls were taken away and he was revealed to be in the arena. His promo was good when he stopped trying to be funny. He stormed the ring to attack Riley and Miz. Miz escaped and Cena locked the STF in on Riley. He did it once, twice, three times a lady, and the show ended on that.

This was possibly the worst Raw I have seen in a long time and I was glad it was over.

Please leave comments in the comments section below! I do my best to reply to all comments that warrant it. Thanks for reading.

Also, if you missed my SmackDown review this week, please head over and check it out!

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/640024-wwe-smackdown-review-march-18-2011