WWE Raw Review: March 14, 2011

Before I commence with this review I must explain that I have never seen Jersey Shore and I have absolutely no intention of ever watching it. I will be calling Snooki’s actions as I see them whether people agree with them or not.

The Rock began Raw with a promo (don’t get your hopes up) via satellite yet again. He is interrupted by John Cena’s music to the crowd’s excitement. This however is revealed to be a satirical representation of the superstar by a six year old child. Now, to be fair to him, the kid was fairly good. I’ve seen worse actors in WWE let me put it that way.

Rock completely embarrassed this John Cena by saying he is talentless and that his hero is Fred Flintstone. Oh yeah, you heard me right bleachers—There was another Fruity Pebbles reference. How long are they going to ride on the back of this gag for? I’m sick of hearing about them and they don’t even sell them in my country.

The one thing I did think was funny was when The Rock looked at his muscles and said “this is heaven right here.” I chuckled out loud at that one I must say, but the rest of the segment with the kid was a little cringe-worthy especially when he pretended to cry after The Rock shouted at him.

Then he directed his attention to the Miz accompanied by dramatic music. Now, if I was watching a film, then this sort of music is to be expected, but I don’t want it in a promo from The Rock. First of all, he doesn’t need it, second, I feel it alienated him even more from the wrestling fans as it reminded them of his movie career and FINALLY, THE ROCK!...needs to come back, to Monday Night Raw (Cue cheers).

And apparently he will before WrestleMania...

Cole was shown to be in a big Perspex box with his own little monitor and his own little commentating table and I couldn’t help but be reminded of when J.R did something similar in 1998—J.R Is War if I’m not mistaken.

The Miz cut an absolutely fantastic promo in the ring. He responded to the crowd chants and I was hanging on to every word he had to say. I was surprised by how good it was, and I think that was another part of the appeal. It seems Miz has come a long way with his microphone skills. He was good before, but if he keeps up what he did last night then he will be excellent.

The GM chimed in and set up a match between John Cena and Alberto Del Rio and introduced the Great Khali as someone The Miz had never wrestled before. It didn’t take long for Alex Riley to interfere on Miz’s behalf, leaving Khali open to a merciless attack with a steel chair. Miz broke it over Khali’s back and left him with a cut that was actually focused on by the camera man, proving once and for all, blood is not avoided anymore in WWE.

In a backstage segment, guest star Snooki blocked a slap by Vicky and gave her a whopper of her own! Wounded!

Sheamus took on Daniel Bryan next for the US Championship. To say I had been looking forward to this match would be a bit of an understatement. Sheamus won in a match that was well worked between the two superstars, and allowed for the technical abilities of Daniel Bryan to shine through as well as Sheamus’ aggressiveness.

Sheamus missed his first Brogue kick which was countered into the LeBell lock. Sheamus got to the ropes however and as Daniel Bryan attempted high risk he paid for it by getting Brogue kicked in mid-air. It was a very good match, especially when you consider it was on Raw.

There is something I must point out about the way Sheamus was referenced in this match. On his way to the ring the title that came up on screen was “King Sheamus.” Justin Roberts on the other hand, introduced him as simply “Sheamus.”

This conflicting identity was present at the commentating table also, when Josh was calling him “King Sheamus” whilst Cole repeatedly referred to him as “Sheamus.” What does this mean? I for one don’t know yet, but I hope it means the King thing will be dropped soon. Especially now that he is the US Champ. It will be interesting to see what name is put on the belt.

Cole was out to embarrass Lawler again this week. Cue the return of Grand Master Sexay! Am I the only one who was excited for his return? The crowd was dead while he was coming down the ramp and I felt sorry for him. He was a big time tag team superstar in his day and I was gutted to see him return to silence.

He proceeded to tell his father he was ashamed of him while Josh just sat there looking away. Awkward!  Cole was enjoying this family tiff and revelling in his heel-ness when more famous music hit.

J.R returned! BAH GAWD!! He’s back! He explained to Michael Cole that this taunting of Jerry Lawler has gone too far in a futile attempt to bring him to his senses. He called him a “rat-bastard” (J.R-1, PG-0) and a deafening chant ensued as “business was about to pick up” between the two.

Jack Swagger arrived and attacked Jerry Lawler before putting J.R into the ankle lock. He then put King in the ankle lock and allowed Cole to use his signature move on J.R. If ever there was a way to build heat, it’s putting an ankle lock on J.R. I now hate Cole more than ever.

Orton vs. Mason Ryan was up next. The final punt. Big mistake in my opinion as I have been saying for weeks, Mason should win this match to keep his aura of aggressiveness. It is now one-on-one at WrestleMania, which I suppose is a good idea as interferences are not usually expected at The Granddaddy of Them All.

The penultimate match of the night was Vicky Guerrero vs Trish Stratus. I was happy to see Trish wearing appropriate attire this time. Half of me expected her to come out in stilettos. Dolph interfered to protect Vicky and ended up being landed on by John Morrison who executed a spinning aerial attack over the ropes. LayCool then interfered and laid Trish out so Vicky could pick up the win.

Michelle McCool then picked a fight with Snooki. Big mistake. Snooki was awesome! She pulled Michelle off the apron then dove on Layla. Loving it. She actually seemed to fit in, which is more than can be said for most celebrities. I would prefer her to go into the Hall of Fame just for tonight’s performance than Drew Carey and his performance at Royal Rumble 2001.

Morrison, Snooki and Trish vs. Dolph and LayCool was set up for WrestleMania. Hopefully Snooki will get physical again! She could become a Diva in my opinion.

John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio was the final match of the evening and it was fairly decent until Brodus saved Alberto from an attitude adjustment. The Rock’s music hit and out came...The Miz—in a bald cap. Possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on Raw since DX split up. He gave Cena a brilliant Rock Bottom!

Then Miz got serious and assaulted Cena all the way up to the stage, including a suplex and a DDT, before finally throwing him into the WWE sign. I thought he was going to throw him off the stage at first which really would have been "awesome" but Miz really sent a message nonetheless. He certainly made me notice him this week.

He came to play.

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