UFC 90 Preview: Main Card

Update: since fighters on this card have been going down like Private Ryan's platoon mates, here are a few hasty predictions. First, with Dan Miller replacing Big Dog Almeida, I still see a great grappling match against Horwich with Suave taking the decision.

Second, Goran Reljic is out of his bout with Thales Leites due to a back injury. Naturally, he's being replaced by ... Drew McFedries. Seriously, I don't even have a joke here. Or a prediction. Figure it out for yourself.

Third, I'm bummed that Diego got hurt. REALLY bummed. That was going to be a great fight, and I hope we still get to see it happen down the road. Hope you heal up quick, Diego. Can't wait to see you fight again. And he had to be replaced by Josh "Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!" Koscheck. Ugh. Thats like replacing Sly Stallone with Nicolas Cage. Anyway, I want Alves to find a way to whoop Kos, but I just don't see it. Kos won't stand with him for too long once he starts getting caught (allow about 30-45 seconds for this) and will then robotically slam Alves to the ground and control the living crap out of him from there. I don't like it any more than you do, but Kos by decision.

Onto the..

Main Card

Thales Leites (13-1) vs. Goran Reljic (8-0)

      The first thing I think of when I hear Thales Leites' name is how he was systematically humiliated by Hitman Kampmann. I hadn't seen someone get picked apart like that since Kenneth Lay. He's a powerful jiu-jitsu fighter nevertheless, but he has a tough opponent in Goran Reljic, who is making his move to 185 lbs. after defeating a feisty Wilson Gouveia at light heavyweight.

       Leites has a history of toying with opponents, often allowing them to land a few strikes, while he patiently waits for his moment. He has powerful but unrefined kicks and punches, but I think he should be able to put something together to beat Reljic, who, again, is a tough opponent. Leites by another controversial decision.

Tyson Griffin (12-1) vs. Sean Sherk (32-3)

       If this fight doesn't at least garner your curiosity, then I don't know what will. I could see alot of different things happening in this one. Before we begin, I need to admit that I haven't been able to take Sherk seriously ever since his comical appearance on "Inside MMA" to "defend himself" about his alleged steroid use. When they finally gave him the floor to "clear his name", the only two things that seemed to come out of his mouth were "I never took steroids, that lab just, um messed up" and "BJ Penn isn't the real champion". Way to defend yourself, Sean. Who put up a more robotic, unbelievable fight against steroid allegations, Sherk or Roger Clemens? Isn't it a toss up? Oh, and if you're all interested, you can catch a rerun of it tonight on the MMA Perjury Channel.

       I see a fight where Griffin stuffs multiple takedown nose dives from Sherk, wins scrambles, and outpoints Sean on his feet. Tyson has a clear advantage in standup; one of the great MMA myths is that Sherk has anything more than passable standup. I'm sorry, but any time you're standup technique reminds me of a small man trying to swat a bee in a phonebooth, then I can't respect you standing.

        This ones tough to really get a feel for, but I'll say Griffin wins by split decision and Sherk wins a decision if Cecil "The Monkey Wrench" Peoples is judging.

Fabricio Werdum (11-3) vs. Junior dos Santos (6-1)

       Boy, you have to feel for Fabricio Werdum. It's been confirmed that he was guaranteed a title shot if he won this fight. Now, with Randy coming back to Dana White with his tail tucked between his legs a la Dirk Diggler in "Boogie Nights", Werdum has been reduced to the proverbial "Third Man In The Porn Scene" role. Thats gotta hurt. Imagine what he went through:

Dana White: Yeah, Fabricio, all you gotta do is beat this guy we found in a Portuguese cathouse, and you get a *expletive deleted* title shot.....just sign here.

Fabricio: *signs and unleashes a Hall of Fame Werdum Smile*

Dana: Oh wait, Randy's back? Well, the only logical thing to do is have a four man tourney  where Randy fights Vince McMah-, er, Brock Lesnar for the "official" title (since he has a wealth of experience...a whopping three fights!) and Nog fights Mir (who beat Brock, by the way) for the "interim" title, so Randy has more time to come up with excuses as to why he isn't fighting Nog. That makes perfect sense! *Joe Silva nods in agreement* Sorry, Fabricio...how does Heath Herring sound?  At least now you'll know what Andy Dufresne felt like when the Sistas repeatedly gang raped him for two straight years.

Fabricio: *lip quivers*

        I don't know whats going to happen, I just know that Werdum will win and Joe Rogan will definitely say the words " first time Octagon jitters" to describe the one who allows himself to be called Junior. My gut says that Junior will be tapping like Fred Astaire before the first round ends.

Thiago Alves (15-3) vs. Diego Sanchez (19-2)

      First of all, what a fight. Whoever takes this will be a bonafide contender for GSP's belt. And no matter what happens, people are going to be angry about the outcome. It's unavoidable. I mean, this fight is going to piss people off! I don't know what else to say. I love that about the matchup.

     Thiago leads the welterweight division in CILK (Cringe Inducing Low Kicks) and Diego already has his plaque enshrined in the UFC Unintentional Comedy Hall of Fame. I keep waiting for him to come out carrying a six foot wooden cross.

      While the Nightmare's striking game looked significantely better than it had in the past against Luigi Fioravanti, I think ultimately Diego will want to win this fight on the ground. I think in the 1st round Thiago dictates the pace with his standup wizardry, followed by Diego starting to turn the tides in the 2nd, followed by Diego pulling an Artest in the third and eventually overwhelming the Other Pitbull with strikes. I could also see multiple submission attempts from the bottom from both guys, but I don't think one can tap the other.

       By the way, don't you love when that happens? You know, somebody goes for a sub (say, a guillotine) that CLEARLY isn't sunk in, as Rogan says something like "you can still finish a guy with the arm in!". Then as he's describing what Fighter A needs to do to finish the hold, Fighter A lets it go, like he just heard Rogan and wanted to spite him. And you can actually hear Rogan die a little inside as he says "he lost it". Don't you love the UFC?

     If this isn't a Fight of the Year candidate, I don't know anything. Not just the clash of raw styles, but the clash of unique and charasmatic personalities. Alves will land several big strikes on his feet, but Diego will survive. It should make for an electric 11 or 12 minutes before Diego creates a scramble, lands in a dominant position, and blasts Alves out of there with punches and elbows. Diego by TKO, third round.

Anderson Silva (22-4) vs. Patrick Cote (13-4)

         Ah yes, it's the Obvious Fight! All signs point to an easy Silva victory. His vast arsenal of knees, kicks, elbows and punches will make this fight, to quote Ricardo Arona (which I may never do again), "fun on the feet". The Spider also has a significant advantage in ground skill as well, as he is good at avoiding damage from the bottom and looking for submissions from there.

        So why do I think Cote is winning this fight? He has alot going for him. Consider these points:

- Styles make fights. Cote has solid footwork and ridiculous power in his fists. Also, he has never been rocked, fazed, or stunned. Hell, he's never even had his dinner interrupted by a telemarketer. Thats how unflappable he is.

- He lost to Travis "Footsteps" Lutter. If that simple fact doesn't motivate Cote for the rest of his career, then OJ didn't do it and our economy is flourishing.

- He has a cool name. Patrick Cote. Go ahead, say it out loud. Aren't you glad I'm here?

- Dude is CONFIDENT. Cote wont want anything to do with Ando on the ground, so he'll be forced to bang with him. If he uses his footwork to throw punches from odd angles, I think he'll do fine on his feet. It will also be interesting to see how he does in the clinch, as his highlight reel KO of Kendall Grove happened from there. Then again, Anderson's knees might have an appointment with Patrick's face, too. It'll be fascinating to say the least.

- Theres just something in the air about this fight. I feel the exact same way I did before Mark Coleman fought Shogun Rua. I think the UFC is getting a little carried away with the Anderson hype. He's a wonderful fighter, but he certainly isn't invincible.

      The verdict: this will be an absolute beauty of a fight. Cote will dance around for awhile before landing a few big blows and narrowly eeking out a five round decision win to take Anderson's belt.

     Thats my UFC 90 preview. If you didn't like it, as Dick Cheney would say, "go fuck yourself."