The 15 Most Nauseating Couples in Sports
When it comes to sports, we fans have a lot of things to talk about. To name but a few topics, entire conversations can revolve around players, coaches, trophies, stadiums, records, stats, schedules and mascots.
But as important as these topics are, I'm afraid that the sports world is unfortunately subjected to the same kind of celebrity gossip that has spoiled the minds of anyone who has ever picked up a copy of People magazine or turned the channel to the E! network.
Indeed, sports fans also discuss sports couples. Personally, I can't stand doing it and the notion that the private lives of all of our favorite sports figures are somehow relevant often times makes me sick.
But therein resides an idea. And because I am so incredibly crotchety, I decided to run with it.
Without further ado, I present to you the 15 sports couples who just plain disagree with your mind, body and/or spirit.
15. Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari
This list contains several notable sports couples that just plain boggle the mind, but we're going to go ahead and get things rolling with Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and socialite/TV personality Kristin Cavallari.
Exactly what Cavallari sees in Cutler is anyone's guess, but there's no denying that he's one of those guys that make the rest of us say: "What does he have that I don't?"
It's a good question and there don't seem to be any good answers. Maybe she likes his dull, standoffish personality.
14. Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf
Don't get me wrong, there's far more talent in this marriage than there is in just about any other union. It's my guess that Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf had to go to incredible lengths to find a trophy case that can accommodate the many honors they earned in their respective careers.
Now, I may be alone in this, but Agassi has always struck me as kind of a jerk. This could have something to do with how I've never really gotten over the fact that his infamous mullet was actually a wig.
As for Graf, I don't really have anything against her, but I can't help but realize that she bears an uncanny resemblance to Sarah Jessica Parker.
Perhaps my biggest gripe is that they named their children Jaden Gil and Jaz Elle. That kind of crap belongs in Hollywood, not the sports world.
13. Kyle Boller and Carrie Prejean
As both a Cal alum and a diehard Oakland Raiders fan, I probably should support Kyle Boller. But I don't. He's a colossal bust of a quarterback, and it bothers me that he didn't do right by Jeff Tedford's program.
All personal grudges aside, I suspect that many people's objections to this relationship have everything to do with Carrie Prejean.
As you may recall, she was the subject of some controversy a while back in the Miss USA 2009 pageant, when she made it known that she wasn't necessarily in favor of same-sex marriage.
If you were to ask me, it got blown way out of proportion, and I think she should be entitled to her opinion.
That being said, my guess is that Boller would be completely out of the public eye if she hadn't married him and I'm of the opinion that would be for the best.
I am, after all, tired of writing about the guy.
12. Hulk Hogan and Jennifer McDaniel
Terry Bollea... er, I mean, Hulk Hogan, has had himself one heck of a career. He is arguably the most iconic figure in the history of pro wrestling, and he's still going strong at 57 years of age.
In December of last year, Hulk got married to Jennifer McDaniel. And outside of a small ruckus involving a gun-wielding dingbat at their wedding, there really hasn't been much to get up in arms (no pun intended) about.
Nevertheless, there's something fishy about the fact that Hulk is wearing a fanny pack in her presence. Methinks she may not be the best influence.
11. Shelden Williams and Candace Parker
Let's see here: She's a former Naismith Award winner and WNBA MVP and he's just plain Shelden Williams.
To my knowledge, Candace Parker and Shelden Williams are the only WNBA-NBA couple, and one just can't escape the feeling that their union doesn't quite do the idea justice.
I mean, this is Shelden Williams we're talking about here. I can't remember the last time I heard his name before he was involved in the Carmelo Anthony trade.
Of course, now that he's in New York, my chief fear is that his personal life is somehow going to be amplified. I don't really know what that means exactly, but it sounds ominous.
10. Phil Jackson and Jeanie Buss
Generally speaking, dating the boss' daughter is a bad idea. In fact, it can sometimes be a dangerous idea.
One supposes that Phil Jackson can get away with dating Jeanie Buss, daughter of Lakers owner Jerry Buss, because it would just be downright foolish for anybody to harbor any ill will against a guy known as the Zen Master. The fact that he's won five NBA titles for the Lakers also helps.
There are a couple things about their relationship that are a little weird. The first is that Jeanie seems to be hell-bent on unraveling Phil's uber-serious persona.
The second is the age factor. Phil is something like a quarter-century older than she and only 10 years younger than her father.
Kind of makes you squirm a little, doesn't it?
9. Sasha Vujacic and Maria Sharapova
Moving on with the Lakers, we find ex-Lakers swingman Sasha Vujacic, who is, of course, engaged to tennis great Maria Sharapova.
It goes without saying that Sharapova is the hottest female tennis star around, which is a considerable honor given how deep the field is.
And then there's Sasha Vujacic, who at last check doesn't really have any redeeming qualities.
Put simply, she can do better. Plus, we shouldn't ignore the fact that both of their careers have really gone nowhere ever since they started dating in 2009.
8. Marko Jaric and Adriana Lima
I almost feel like I don't need to say anything right here. One look at that picture should be enough.
Indeed, what we have in Marko Jaric and Adriana Lima is a classic case of a guy who seems totally oblivious to how hot his wife is.
And make no mistake, Adriana is one of the most beautiful women in the world. We know this because they don't let just anyone become a Victoria's Secret Angel.
As for Marko Jaric, well, he's just Marko Jaric, an NBA journeyman who never really did anything during his career.
From the looks of things, he chose the wrong career. He would have been a great addition to some kind of soap opera, especially with that mustache and those eyebrows.
7. Hank Baskett and Kendra Wilkinson
Whenever a given discussion turns to sports couples, it's a given that Hank Baskett's marriage to Kendra Wilkinson will pop up.
When it does, the question "how the hell did he do that?" is typically soon to follow.
In case you don't know who Hank Baskett is, he's a sometimes-employed NFL wide receiver. If you don't know who his wife is, all you really need to know is that she was good enough for Hugh Hefner once upon a time.
And as you can find out in my slideshow tribute to her, she is astronomically hot.
Whatever you do, don't try and figure out what Kendra saw in Mr. Baskett. Many have tried and all of them suffered permanent brain damage.
6. Eric Johnson and Jessica Simpson
I suspect that most self-respecting sports fans out there got more than their fill of Jessica Simpson gossip when she was dating Tony Romo.
In fact, my understanding is that there was something of a subdued celebration in Dallas the day they broke up.
But alas, she wasn't done annoying sports fans quite yet. It was announced in November that she and former NFL tight end Eric Johnson had gotten engaged.
It was then that you could hear cries of: "Oh, just go away already!"
I'm afraid that's not going to happen, comrades. My understanding is that there's an unwritten rule that Jessica Simpson must be in the headlines at all times and at all costs.
So you better get excited for her wedding. If you don't, men in suits will show up at your home and make you get excited.
5. Monica Seles and Tom Golisano
Before we get into the ranting, let me clarify that I'm not actually 100-percent sure that tennis great Monica Seles and Tom Golisano, former owner of the Buffalo Sabres, are still dating. It was first reported that they were way back in 2009, and there hasn't been any recent gossip.
Just to be safe, I'm going to go ahead and take the liberty of a two-year margin of error for any-and-all relationships in this slideshow.
Now then, all that really needs to be said right here is that Mr. Golisano is 30 years older than Seles. My guess is that she took a liking to him because she was a huge Sabres fan.
Now that he no longer owns the team... well, I got nothing.
As a matter of fact, I'd rather not think about it.
4. Doug and Jackie Christie
There are very few entries on this list that qualify as truly "creepy" relationships, but the marriage between Doug and Jackie Christie is just that.
As I'm sure you're well aware, Jackie devised a special system to keep her basketball-playing husband in line.
He had to call her after every road game and signal to her from the floor when she happened to be in attendance, and it is also a policy of theirs to renew their vows every year.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with a wife being worried about her husband's fidelity.
But as I understand it, trust is a rather important part of marriage, and it seems that Jackie was quite lacking in that department.
I say "was" because Doug is retired now, and one assumes that he doesn't get to escape his wife's clutches all that often.
3. David and Victoria Beckham
No thanks to the British press, I think you could make the case that David and Victoria Beckham raised the bar in terms of media coverage for sports couples. This is not a good thing, you see.
To be sure, it was bad enough when their relationship was safely on the other side of the Atlantic. Even then, the sound of people obsessing over them echoed quite clearly across the pond and it was damned annoying.
In 2007, Beckham found his way to the States and the American public—which would prefer to have nothing at all to do with soccer, thank you very much—suddenly came face-to-face with Europe's most famous couple.
I guess all this isn't David or Victoria's fault, but it's hard not to think of them as guilty by association anyway.
Either way, I'm personally quite tired of hearing about them.
2. Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz
I don't know how many of you have actually seen this obscure video clip, but suffice it to say that it sheds proper light on the relationship between New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez and movie star Cameron Diaz.
First of all, this is just plain awkward. Second, A-Rod and Diaz just make for a really annoying couple.
This is largely because A-Rod himself is one of the most irritating figures in sports, as a guy with his kind of talent should not be so unlikeable.
Despite the fact she's largely guiltless in this case, I still hold a grudge against Cameron Diaz for the way she so horribly bastardized one of the best accents in the world (Irish, of course) with her performance in Gangs of New York.
Between the two of them, there's really just not much to like.
1. Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian
If you were to ask me to name specifics of what's wrong with the world we live in today, I would have a couple of simple answers.
One would be the Los Angeles Lakers. The other would be the Kardashian family. And I suspect that I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Khloe Kardashian married Lakers big man Lamar Odom back in September 2009. If you've had a headache any time between now and then, it probably had something to do with them.
Most recently, Khloe and Lamar announced that they will be coming out with their very own reality show. Soon after that, they released a unisex fragrance (an utterly ridiculous concept) called "Unbreakable."
Basically, they seem to have made it their business to annoy you and to make things generally irritating, and that's why they're the worst of the worst at this very moment in time.