With Sports Needing a Hero, Tiger Woods On Cusp Of Irrelevance

So you and your work buddy are standing at the water cooler discussing a number of topics.

The Carmelo Anthony to New York trade. The Deron Williams to New Jersey trade. Who’s really No. 1 in college hoops. The hot new intern that just walked by.

With that, your buddy tosses his cup into the garbage can and begins the slow trek back to his cubicle when one last thing pops into your head.

“Wait! How about the fall of Tiger Woods?”

Now there’s a conversation worth having.

See, the sports world needs Tiger to be Tiger and soon because, like the hot new intern, the NBA is going to be here today and gone tomorrow when the finals conclude in June thanks to a lockout that could last forever.

Same goes for the NFL and, at some point in the near future, Major League Baseball.

This worst-case scenario would leave sports fanatics with soccer, golf, tennis and, thankfully, college sports.

I try not to imagine such a gross existence. No one cares about soccer—period. No one cares about tennis outside of the eight weeks of the year that Grand Slam events are being played.

No one cares about golf; that is unless Tiger finds his swagger.

The world isn’t out to get you, Tiger. In fact, we all want to love you again in the worst way, but you make it so difficult.

First was the whole adultery thing, where you had sex with about 174 women in 12 different nations. Then came that bogus, robotic apology last winter that only a drunk or an absolute moron took to heart. Then, the spitting incident.

The funny thing is that all of the above is forgivable in the eyes of your fans. We don’t care if you wreck your personal life. Go ahead, they’re your consequences to deal with.

We got over the apology that basically emphasized your belief that the American public is brain dead and will believe anything and the spitting thing wasn’t a big deal.

I understand golf etiquette, but the gentlemen who claimed Tiger’s opponent was at a competitive disadvantage because he had to putt over the wet spot created by Woods’ saliva should be ridiculed at least as much as Tiger was for his untimely discharge.

What fans can’t dismiss is all of this losing. No one seriously expected Tiger to win the 2010 Master’s in his debut last April, but everyone figured he would’ve captured a tournament victory to kickstart his comeback by now.

Wrong. Woods hasn’t raised a trophy and smiled for the cameras since Sept. 13, 2009, when he won the BMW Championship with a score of 19-under par.

In 2010 he played in 15 tournaments, finishing in the top-10 just four times. Tiger’s worst showing came in August at the Bridgestone Invitational, when a weekend of 18-over par had him tied for 78th.

At his final tournament appearance of the year, the Chevron World Challenge, there was a glimmer of hope that 2011 would bring the Woods of old. He shot 16-under, good enough for second place.

Unfortunately, this year’s first six weeks have played out much like the previous 57, dating back to Nov. 2009 when he began his collapse. Two events, one 44th-place finish, and an embarrassing first round exit from the Accenture Match Play on Wednesday.

Woods was 9-1 lifetime in the first round of the event and was oddly awarded a No. 1 seed, obviously based on reputation.

Thomas Bjorn, the No. 16 seed, sent Woods packing after he conceded the 19th hole due to losing his ball in a lovely realm of cactus.

If it weren’t for that reputation, Tiger would be irrelevant.

If his game doesn’t come around fast, a new reputation will set in and Woods, as well as golf in general, will be irrelevant.

Here’s some advice, or a plea to Eldrick: find the old Tiger, win a few tournaments and maybe a major, and all will be forgiven. Both you and the wide world of sports can’t afford another loss.

Otherwise male bonding at the water cooler will become a thing of the past.