Last Will and Testament of A Sports Fan

Being of sound mind and body, I do hereby make, publish, and declare this to be my Last Will and Testament, hereby expressly revoking all wills and codicils heretofore made by me.

If I have died in the middle of a season, I request that any remaining tickets be given to a child or children who otherwise would not be able to attend a sporting event.

All persons listed below shall be entitled to the following:

My Children: I have done my best to teach you the love of the game. Participation is an honor, never a requirement. Sports, above all, are about sportsmanship. Always play with fairness and compassion. Never confuse the two.

To my children: I leave knowledge.

My local tavern: Countless sporting events took place on your generous selection of TV’s. You never charged me to sit at your bar, an empty glass I never saw. You knew my name. We crowned many champions together, toasted victory, dissected defeat.

To my local tavern: I leave an empty stool.

My neighbors: Saturday cookouts, feasting on food, fun and laughter, always seemed to finish on Sunday. We never kept track of how many times your team beat my team, it didn’t matter.

To my neighbors: I leave friendship.

My best friend: We attended every home game. Greeted every fan, swapped stories, jersey colors were insignificant. We turned parking lots of strangers into one big happy family. Our tailgate was never too small for one more friend.

To my best friend: I leave memories.

The owner of my team: You raised ticket prices every year. Wins and losses didn’t matter, revenue’s did. I paid to walk miles because stadium parking was reserved for the privileged. Bleeding me dry didn’t satisfy your ego, so you threatened to take my team somewhere else. My tax dollars built you a new stadium. Gratitude was felt when you started charging a license fee for the seat. Shame on you.

To the owner of my team: I leave you nothing. Your unquenchable greed didn’t allow you to see what I gave you in advance. The most valuable commodity known to a sports fan, loyalty.

My Spouse: You stood by me every season. We evolved together over the years. Our first tiny black and white eventually growing into a high definition flat screen TV. The draft, the spread, the fantasy league were things you didn’t quite understand, but it didn’t matter, you understood me. You understood the times I was away supporting my team, you understood the need for ESPN. I am all that I am because of you. Every sports fan is.

To my spouse: I leave everything else.