Rock Around The Clock: Comparing Eight NFL Playoff Teams To Rock N' Roll Bands

As the eight teams left prepare to meet their destiny on Saturday and Sunday, I thought it would be fun to compare these teams to famous rock n' roll bands.

If one wanted to compare sports to music genre's it would be pretty simple.

Hip Hop/Rap and basketball (the style, the flash, the connection between Jay-Z and Lebron, Ron Artest and Allen Iverson releasing rap albums);

Jazz and baseball(most purely American establishments that used to be dominant in this country but have wavered in interest as a generation grows up);

Electronic and the new age sports like surfing and skateboarding (a new thrill of the movement, huge bandwagon fans, bouncy and exciting, but will be forgotten in all too soon of a time)

If one had to compare football with a music genre it would no doubt be rock n' roll. Rock music is violent and exciting and a lot of crashing and burning, smashing things, exciting characters and real "people" that one can look up too.

We continue with the eight playoff teams.

Seattle Seahawks and The White Stripes

This is a photo of Hasselback and Carroll circa 1999

The White Stripes (led by Jack and Meg White) are a two-piece rock band from Detroit that had made some of the best music since the grunge era. They used to be thought of a nice "hip" band, but with the success of Jack White in his other developments (The Raconteurs, The Dead Weather, producing a Loretta Lynn album) the Stripes are now considered an important act of the last century.

They made great music! Yes, they are only two people. At first, everybody concentrated on the music, and now everybody is thinking, "wait, how in the hell are they doing this?"

The same can be said of Seattle Seahawks, a team that has made it this far through the play of Matt Hasselback and the coaching of Pete Carroll. At first football fans were excited at this little crappy 7-9 team that slugged New Orleans out of the way.

Now everybody is confused. "How the hell is Seattle still alive?"

New York Jets and Bon Jovi

Bon Jovi represents the crap of New York/New Jersey just like the Jets represent the crap of the NFL. Not not say that either is bad, but they are both the ugly brothers of the extremely classier and more-loved New York Giants and Bruce Springsteen. Bon Jovi has made a lot of money, but it is rare when you come into contact without anybody who actually likes the band.

The Jets have made their name as a rambunctious and cocky group of players that nobody is really sure have any talent except for a few (Darrel Revis, David Harris). They are as cocky as they come and revel in the fact that they are less-loved then their contemporaries.

Both band and team also have the privilege of being fronted by men that have are extremely overrated. Jon Bon Jovi has made a name as a rock n' roll star, but he is not anymore of a rock n' roller then any Joe walking on the street. The same can be said for Mark Sanchez, a terrible quarterback who wouldn't be in the league if his team didn't draft him 5th overall and put all that first round money in his man purse.

Chicago Bears and Nirvana

Oh Kurt Cobain, you are such a jokester!

Nirvana is a band that became world famous with an album called "Nevermind" (that every college kid has to own by law) and then released a second very poor album, broke up, and assumed a new revival of fame when the lead singer, Kurt Cobain, shot himself.

Just like the Chicago Bears, Nirvana isn't as bad as some people think, they aren't as good as others think, they have a sullen and moody front man holding down the fort, and their supporting cast is probably better then they seem.

Although Chicago doesn't seem to be a great playoff team, they will need to play a truly horrendous game on Sunday to avoid going to the NFC Championship Game. They are not a bad team by any means. They do everything very well, however, just like Nirvana, they aren't great at anything. They are able to survive in a year where there are not a lot of fantastic teams, and if they get the right things going for them, they probably could end up on top.

In terms of Cutler, there has never been this polarizing of an athlete. By all accounts, he has done nothing wrong. He seems entirely a better human then Vick, Roethlisberger, Ray Lewis, TO and Ochocinco, any baseball player that used steroids and 3/4 of the NBA. He is still sullen and moody.

Green Bay Packers and Radiohead

Wearing black clothing does not make you super cool; just ask Colorado Rockies fans

This is more of my personal thing because I think Radiohead is absolutely the most overrated and useless collection of musicians ever assembled. Every one of their songs sounds annoying and terrible and crappy. However, they get the most respect by "knowledgeable" music fans out of pretty much anyone. Their music is a little boring and Tom Yorke sounds like a huge wuss.

Just like Radiohead, the Green Bay Packers have been getting too much respect. This is the same team who beat the already-in-the-playoffs Bears, and lost to Detroit a month ago. There is not too many cases when the 6th seed team is getting even odds to beat up on a 1st seed. And in terms of Aaron Rodgers, from the way that some "football people" talk about him sometimes it seems as if they are describing the play of Tom Brady or Peyton Manning -- you know players that have won a f***ing Super Bowl.

Baltimore Ravens and The Sex Pistols

The Sex Pistols are huge staples of rock history for mostly acting like crazy grown-up toddlers, playing bad music, drinking and using heroin heavily. They were not a good band, but that does not keep them having a crazy following. (For the record, I actually like "Anarchy in the U.K."). The Pistols like the fact that they are cruel and mean. Johnny Rotten is a terminal a**hole and Sid Vicious is about as untalented as Snookie, but an official badass who knocked a girl unconscious during an early Pistol show.

Like the Pistols, Baltimore plays violent and mean football. Their meanness and intimidation factor is the reason for their success. Ray Lewis is the guy behind the crown holding a pistol and six bullets (and he might shoot you!)

The Pistols are famous, but they never won anything great, Just like them, Baltimore will get whipped by Pittsburgh yet again and they will go away.

Pittsburgh Steelers and Motorhead

The guy with the muttonchops with steal your girlfriend

They are just as mean and violent as the Sex Pistols, except way more long-lasting. Their leader, Lemmy, is a rock god who plays with guns, drinks a bottle of Jack Danials a day, collects Nazi material and makes some very intense music. They started in the mid-70s and apparently they found no reason to do stupid things like slow down or die.

Pittsburgh is about as mean as Motorhead wants to be. Ben Roethlisberger is the NFL version of Lemmy. They are both deviants who have probably killed and raped many people over their lives. Pittsburgh is rough and tough like Baltimore, except way too much more legit. Pittsburgh does not go out in the early rounds. They win Super Bowls.

Atlanta Falcons and The Talking Heads

The Talking Heads are a New-Wave band (one can substitute key words like "artsy," "hip," "music only listened to by pussies" in the place of New-Wave) that have made some great songs over the years, but who have not gotten the attention they have deserve. The Talking Heads sold a ton of records, but they are still not as respected as some of the bigger bands that were around at a similar time, hair metal stuff like Motley Crue . . .

There is no better example of this in the current NFL then the Atlanta Falcons. The Falcons have one of the better records in the NFL and they are rolling right now with a great offense and defense. Matt Ryan is one of the better quarterbacks left in the playoffs, and Roddy White is the BEST wide receiver left (apologies to Greg Jennings and Mike Wallace).

Both the Falcons and the Talking Heads are great collections of talent with little appreciation. 

New England Patriots and Beach Boys

The Beach Boys are a terrific band. They are not a fantastic band, but they are a very consistent group that made consistent songs. They were a group of men who were completely driven to become a huge rock band. And they reached their goal. Brian Wilson was a nut case, and although he made some good music, he came with his share of problems.

Just like the Beach Boys, the Patriots are a good group that works hard and is driven for the championship. They are also turbulent. Randy Moss was traded at the beginning of the year, Deion Branch was acquired, Brandon Spikes was suspended for drug use and their first round playoff matchup has been ruined by the Jets. Belichick is also a nut. But nut's are appropriate for NFL teams.