LeBron James Me a Break, I'm Favred To Death: 10 Guys I Want to Go Way

We all know them and likely don't love them.  These handful of guys usually consume 80 percent of sports coverage and 100 percent of my patience.  

They're the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans of the sports world, except these guys are actually talented.  There's a reason these guys are in the spotlight: they're very, very good and ESPN has to cover something.  I may not like them but I definitely respect their talents.

I don't know these guys. I know what I'm told about these guys and I completely recognize the fact that if any of these guys played for/owned my team I would think they were better than air.  That being said, they don't, so they drive me nuts. 

To me, these guys are the villains of sports (but they might be your heroes).  I believe there are a few indicators that an athlete could be turning into one.

1.  They have their own tickers on ESPN.  You know the bottom of the screen scrolls....NFL...MLB....NBA....FARVE....NHL.  The tipping point is usually when the player has more coverage than the entire National Hockey League.

2.  ESPN created "indexes" for their teams (i.e. the "Heat Index").  Indexes should measure something important like consumer confidence, presidential approvals, the actual temperature...not the number of times Bosh laughed at Lebron's jokes on the bench during a fourth quarter blowout of the Bobcats.

3,  They get away with something the rest of us would go to jail for by throwing money at it.  Think of the immortal bastard Ernie McCracken (played by Bill Murray) from the classic movie Kingpin.  Ernie ecstatically screams after winning the $1 Million prize in the bowling championship..."I can finally buy my way out of anything!".  Yeah, these guys might be something like that.

4.  They talk in third person.

Anyone of the above set off fire alarms in my head.  Here we go with top 10 guys I want to just go away.

#10: Stephen Strasburg

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WASHINGTON - AUGUST 10: Stephen Strasburg #37 of the Washington Nationals sits in the dugout during the sixth inning of the game against the Florida Marlins at Nationals Park on August 10, 2010 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Alright, so this kid didn't really do anything to get on this list.  He's probably the only guy on the list whose personality has no bearing on his being ranked...it's pure hype. 

Strasburg's an amazing talent with filthy stuff, but there's a couple things that didn't justify his national media induced mid-summer hysteria.  

1.  He never pitched an inning in the majors before the hype began and 

2. He plays for the Washington Nationals. 

Could you imagine the hype machine if he played for the Yankees?  After that first pitch on June 18th I think the ESPN servers would have simultaneously exploded with hype overload.  There's a perfectly good pitcher named Felix Hernandez in the Pacific Northwest that deserves a little more hype. 

Here's my imitation of Strasburg's season: AWESOME, AWESOME, Pretty Good, Ehhh, Yeesh...Injured Reserve.

#9: Braylon Edwards

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EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - JANUARY 02: Braylon Edwards #17 of the New York Jets makes a third quarter touchdown against the Buffalo Bills at New Meadowlands Stadium on January 2, 2011 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

Even though Braylon has shown some flashes, calling him nothing less than a massive disappointment would be an understatement.  He's had more dropped passes than Brett Favre at a New York Massage Parlor. 

Public Enemy No. 1 in Cleveland before the "Decision," Braylon was shipped out of Ohio likely in part due to his scuffle with LeBron.  Ironically, now he'd get the key to city for punching LeBron. 

And where does Braylon end up?  Somewhere he could be hidden like St. Louis, Buffalo, Tampa...no of course it had to be New York where we're guaranteed continued exposure.

#8: Sidney Crosby

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PITTSBURGH, PA - JANUARY 01: Sidney Crosby #87 of the Pittsburgh Penguins jumps to get out of the way as Semyon Varlamov #1 of the Washington Capitals defends the net during the 2011 NHL Bridgestone Winter Classic at Heinz Field on January 1, 2011 in Pit

Canada's LeBron has been shoved down our throats as the image of the NHL.  That's great if they want to come across as a cocky punk. 

Yes, Crosby has the talent part down but he lacks the aura that surrounds guys like Howe, Gretzky and Lemieux...you know, guys who are actually likable in one way or another. 

As if there wasn't more reason to dislike the kid here in the States, of course he ended the United States Cinderella run in the 2010 Winter Olympics.  In opposing stadiums, Crosby's booed more than Obama at a NRA meeting which I'm sure has the NHL perplexed. 

#7: Mark Cuban

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DALLAS - FEBRUARY 12: Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban (L) and actor Chris Tucker speak during the NBA All-Star celebrity game presented by Final Fantasy XIII held at the Dallas Convention Center on February 12, 2010 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Jason M

When I see Mark Cuban, I see a three-year-old at Walmart whose mom just told him he can't have the Scooby Doo Fruit Snacks.  Throwing a tantrum....kicking, screaming at anyone in earshot...only about 45 years older and several billion dollars richer. 

Cuban is proof that with great money comes great d-bag potential.  I'm sure if you're a Mavs fan you love this guy's passion, but I have a feeling the rest of the world looks at Cuban and says, "See...that's what America is like."

#6: Jerry Jones

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ARLINGTON, TX - NOVEMBER 21: Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones watches as the Cowboys take on the Detroit Lions at Cowboys Stadium on November 21, 2010 in Arlington, Texas. (Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images)

Here's the OTHER type of owner I hate. 

Jerry Jones is that boss who asks you to do something then stands behind your desk until you do it...questioning every minute detail along the way.

He's a dose of bats*#t crazy away from being Al Davis, who avoids this list because of that very reason.

Come on Jerry, step out of the way and let your guys do their job and you may actually win a playoff game again.

#5: Alex Rodriguez

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ARLINGTON, TX - OCTOBER 22: Alex Rodriguez #13 of the New York Yankees looks on during batting practice against the Texas Rangers in Game Six of the ALCS during the 2010 MLB Playoffs at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington on October 22, 2010 in Arlington, Texa

A-Rod is that guy that seems like he should be an alright dude, but something is off and you just can't put your finger on it. 

He seems like the guy who'd stiff on a tip, leaving you to cover for him.  Nothing major, just makes you shake your head and think "what a tool." 

There is no questioning his amazing on-field achievements and he may have salvaged his post season rep with the 2009 playoff run, but this guys off the field stuff just makes you not like him. 

Steroids, adultery, dating hot celebrities that the rest of us could never get...like I said, nothing too big but just enough to make you want this guy to go away.

#4: Tom Brady

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FOXBORO, MA - DECEMBER 19: Quarterback Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots talks with head coach Bill Belichick before playing against the Green Bay Packers at Gillette Stadium on December 19, 2010 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. The Patriots won the g

It all started with that damn Bieber cut. 

Long gone are the days of the ultimate underdog.  To me, he's the anti-Peyton Manning.  They both can come across as pricks on the field but you get the feeling Manning just doesn't take himself too seriously off of it. 

Meanwhile, Brady seems like the guys who'd make fun of you in a way so cryptic that only Dennis Miller would understand. 

And now we hear he went to a Broadway show with Giselle instead of watching the Jets beat the Colts.  Isn't there any shows running from February to August?  Jeez man, now you gave me a reason to have to root for the Jets.  I hate that. 

I'd rather have a beer with Peyton than a Cosmo with Brady any day.

#3: Ben Roethlisberger

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BALTIMORE, MD - DECEMBER 05: Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger #7 of the Pittsburgh Steelers walks off the field after defeating the Baltimore Ravens 13-10 at M&T Bank Stadium on December 5, 2010 in Baltimore, Maryland. (Photo by Larry French/Getty Images)

If Brady would quietly steal your girl, Ben would do it right in front of you after about six pitchers then sucker punch you. 

He's like the bully jock from High School.  Everyone would say, "don't worry in 10 years he'll be living in a trailer park".  Except he isn't.  He's a dual Super Bowl-winning quarterback making mega millions and leaving a path of destruction in his path, ESPN gag order or not.

#2: Lebron James

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LOS ANGELES, CA - JANUARY 12: LeBron James #6 of the Miami Heat reacts to a call during the game against the Los Angeles Clippers at the Staples Center on January 12, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees

I thought LeBron was in the news a lot before he decided to take a dump on Cleveland but now I see LeBron more than my wife.  The guy is everywhere and everything he does is analyzed from every possible angle. 

It wasn't that you left LeBron...it was how you did it.  Cleveland basically got dumped for a better looking chick (Miami) in front of millions and never saw it coming.  I'm from Detroit and I even felt bad for Cleveland.  After the Nike "Rise" commercial failed to clean his image, he wisely seemed to quit trying to explain himself to everyone.

Since then he's compared the Heat to the greatest band in the history of music, talked in third person, endorsed shrinking the league then claimed that he didn't know what the word "contraction" even means. Most recently, he tweeted his joy at a Cavalier beat down at the hands of Kobe and Co..

He has no doubt made the NBA more interesting this year as the "Anyone but the Heat" faction continues to grow, so he's a guy that I might actually miss if he went away.

I will say this, he is an unquestioned talent.  Possibly the best player in the league.  And he knows it.

#1: Brett Favre

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - DECEMBER 20: Quarterback Brett Favre of the Minnesota Vikings celebrates the Vikings first touchdown against the Chicago Bears at TCF Bank Stadium on December 20, 2010 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

Talk about a guy who would want a do-over.

Favre was the All-American guy that everyone loved (except fans in the NFC North) then he turned out to be the biggest procrastinator ever.  Like an 80-year-old woman trying to choose between Bill Knapps and Bob Evans for lunch, he just couldn't make up his mind.  He forced the Packers to cut ties and go with the QB who's now what Favre used to be.  Favre got revenge by trying to completely ruin the Jets...both with his play and his pictures.

If Favre could get a hold of a Delorian and some plutonium I don't see any scenario where he wouldn't try to go back in time to Vikings Training Camp 2010 and say two things to himself: "Retire!!" and "Call Jen and tell her you REALLY need to borrow her cell phone for five minutes."

When I think of Jerry Rice in a Seahawks Jersey or Ken Griffey Jr. in a White Sox uniform or Mike Tyson looking punch drunk against no names in the ring...I will now think "those guys didn't go out THAT bad" because I now have Favre's final days to compare it to.

I'm sure one way or another we're not done with No. 4 just yet.  I'm not that lucky.