Radulov Counts His Blessings in the Russian League (Humor)

Predator-defecting forward Alexander Radulov is breathing a sigh of relief now that he has opted to play for a Russian team in their newly formed league. And who can blame him?

Who in the world WOULDN’T get tired of playing in the best hockey league in the world?

“I’m much more content now,” commented Radulov. “I’m now able to spend time with my family in the line for toilet paper and canned goods. And the lines are much shorter now that the Russian Mafia has taken over distribution and crowd control. Ha, Ha, Good Times…you know?”

After a reasonable 58 point season with Nashville, Radulov had every motivation to take his act back to Russia where he’s much happier getting up at 3 am on game days to participate in rigorous calisthenics before a hearty bowl of breakfast borscht at 5:00 and an ice water lake swim at 5:10.

“I have more time to think here,” said Radulov.

This is true, especially while he waits to use the team bench press. With only one machine, Alexander usually has at least two hours to reflect on his life and decisions.

Radulov says regular Joes like him get tired of trying to get past guys like Lidstrom and Phaneuf. It’s much easier to juke past a vodka soaked Kazakhstanian than it is to endure another game skating with the likes of JP Dumont and Jason Arnott.

And let’s face it, Rubles just “seem” like more. You get like 100 of them for about four American dollars. And they’re colorful.

With Pseudo-Capitalism firmly in place in Russia, it’s almost as nice in Izhevsk as it is in Nashville. I mean, what’s so great about “air conditioning” and “dentists” anyway?

“To me it just doesn’t feel right not to have the constant threat of being sent to Siberia.” mused a relaxed Radulov (to our translator). “Besides, with the stuff going on in Georgia, I’m afraid I might not get the call to join the skirmish if I’m in North America. I’m a simple guy—besides...I brought back enough pairs of jeans to make me famous!”

So when all is said and done and the two leagues are done fighting it out in court, it’s easy to understand why A-Rad made this move.

Still, I have a hunch he’s going to miss the barbecue in Nashville. In most people’s opinion, it beats the crap out of salted beef.