10 Lamest Alternative Names for 'Start 'em-Sit 'Em'

The list of people that I prop up and worship in the sporting world is rather brief:  Walter Payton, Michael Jordan, and then the "Start 'em - Sit 'em" guy.

There are some true pioneers in the world of fantasy football analysis, but none hold a candle to the dude who came up with the title of "Start 'Em - Sit 'Em" for the report that analyzes who owners should play and who they should not play week to week.  

Who would you rather sit down and have a beer with, Tom Brady or the Start 'Em- Sit 'Em dude?  The answer is obvious. 

This report comes in all shapes and sizes, and really when you think about it, your mom could author a version and it would get as many reads as someones (my) version who knows what they are talking about. It just doesn't matter who the author is. If it is posted on the web, and searchable by Google, that baby is going to be found and digested by all walks of life. 

My favorite versions are the ones that include names like Roddy White, Arian Foster, Andre Johnson, Michael Vick, Peyton Manning and Antonio Gates (when he's healthy).  It's like "Phew, thank god for your Start em report, bro-Namath, I was actually considering benching Arian Foster this week against the Buffalo Bills, but won't because of your report".

But I digress. I get offended pretty easily, I have to admit.  And nothing offends me more than all of the posers that take it upon themselves to parse portions of the English language together for alternatives to the legendary "Start 'em - Sit 'em" title and call it their own. 

Newsflash, people!  "Start 'Em - Sit 'Em" is not like a soft drink or fast food where there is room in the market for multiple competitors; not according to this author at least.  There can be only one. With that, I bring you this list; the top ten lamest alternative names for the Start 'Em - Sit 'Em report.  These are actual titles that I have come across over the years as both a fantasy expert and consumer.

1. "Where to Put 'Em" - You could slice the creativity off this little ditty with a dull knife.
2. "Get 'Em In or Leave 'Em Out" - James Cameron is looking for this author to write his next masterpiece.
3. "Line 'Em Up or Sit 'Em Down" - And this one, too.
4. "Players I Love/Player I Hate" - Dear Mr. Fantasy, quit being such a douche.
5. "Play 'Em or Filet 'Em" - Ok, I admit, if I was going to endorse an alternative, this would be it.
6. "Start/Bench" - C'mon, guy, if you are going to stray, make it worth it.
7. "Start/Sit" - This is like cheating on your spouse with a fatty just because it's different.
8. "Hot Starts or Cold Sits" - I actually authored this one recently; it was an experiment and sadly, it worked.
9. "Plug 'Em In or Turn 'Em Off" - I'm seeing red.
10. "Bet 'Em or Forget 'Em" - That's it, gloves off, I'm swinging.

If you know of other alternatives - lame or otherwise - please comment below.  I'd like to see if it's possible to even come close to the brilliance of the legendary "Start 'Em - Sit 'Em". 

In the meantime, if you are looking for real Start 'Em Sit 'Em advice, Rankings, or up-to-the-second fantasy football news fed from the top sources in the industry, stop on by FFArmory.com!