The Top 15 Nicknames in World Football

The top 15 nicknames in world football was a damn fun list to make.

But it was also hard, as the realm of international soccer is chock full of interesting monikers, many of which make some of the handles we place on American athletes seem decidedly lame by comparison.

Indeed, what is "The Human Joystick" compared to the "Ginger Ninja?" What is "His Airness" compared to the "Fiery Elbow?"

Want more? Good.

Here are the top 15 nicknames in world football.

15. Aljoša

Aljoša Asanović doesn't play anymore, but he made a name for himself as one of the best players on the Croatian national team from 1994-1998. He was on the Croatian team that won the bronze medal in the 1998 World Cup.

And he was known as "Vatreni Lakat" in his day, which means "Fiery Elbow." They say it had to do with how he would always run with his elbows out, but there are some who say that he had a mutant power that allowed him to light his elbows on fire.

Actually, I'm the only one who says that. But now you can say that there are some who say it, savvy?

14. Brian

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CARSON, CA - OCTOBER 23: Brian McBride #20 of the Chicago Fire wins a high ball from Carlos Borja #23 of Chivas USA during the MLS match on October 23, 2010 at the Home Depot Center in Carson, California. The Fire defeated Chivas USA 4-1. (Photo by Victo

Brian McBride is a retired American footballer, formerly of the Chicago Fire. He played on the American national team from 1993-2006.

They call him "McHead." I'm not sure about the 'head' part, but I'm sure the 'Mc' part has to do with his last name.

Yeah, I'll go with that.

13. Gonzalo

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BRIDGEVIEW, IL - AUGUST 05: Gonzalo Segares #25 of the Chicago Fire watches as members of Tigres UANL celebrate winning the SuperLiga 2009 Final on August 5, 2009 at Toyota Park in Bridgeview, Illinois. Tigres UANL defeated the Fire 1-1 (4-3) in a shoot o

Gonzalo Segares is a Costa Rican footballer who plays for the Chicago Fire in the MLS. He has also been a member of the Costa Rican national team since 2007.

They call him "Sega" for reasons that I suppose are obvious.

I'm a Nintendo man myself, but you have to tip your cap to any man called "Sega" who isn't getting beaten up by a bunch of jocks on a regular basis.

12. Damien

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LONDON, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 06: Damien Duff of Fulham makes his point to the linesman during the Barclays Premier League match between Fulham and Aston Villa at Craven Cottage on November 6, 2010 in London, England. (Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images)

Damien Duff is an Irish footballer who plays as a winger for Fulham of the Premiere League. He is also a member of the Irish national team.

They call him "Duffman," which should be pretty self-explanatory.

But hey, it could also be a reference to the infamous side character in The Simpsons. You know, the one who thrusts his pelvis in the direction of problems.

11. Eduardo

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25 Apr 1999: Eduardo Hurtado #29 of the New Jersey Metrostars controls the ball during the game against the Tampa Bay Mutiny at the Giant Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. The Mutiny defeated the Metrostars 1-0.

Eduardo Hurtado is an Ecuadorian striker who is the second all-time leading scorer for the Ecuador national team.

They call him "El Tanque," which means, you guessed it, "The Tank." He earned this handle by getting a reputation for wanting to roll over everything and everyone in his path.

Just like a tank, you see.

10. Hakan

Hakan Sukur is a former Turkish striker who played for the the Turkish national team from 1992-2007.

They call him the "Bull of the Bosphurus" after the strait that forms part of the boundary between Europe and Asia.

No, he's not actually a bull. Silly person...

9. Ole Gunnar Solskjær:

Ole Gunnar Solskjær is a retired Norwegian football who used to play for Manchester United, scoring 126 goals during his career with the Red Devils.

They call him "The Baby-Faced Assassin" because of his youthful looks and his deadly finishes.

That being said, I still wouldn't risk turning your back on him.

8. Wesley

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VERONA, ITALY - NOVEMBER 21: Wesley Sneijder of FC Internazionale Milano in action during the Serie A match between AC Chievo Verona and FC Internazionale Milano at Stadio Marc' Antonio Bentegodi on November 21, 2010 in Verona, Italy. (Photo by Valerio

Wesley Sneijder is a Dutch footballer who plays for F.C. Internazionale in Milan. He also plays for the Dutch national team, and was a member of the team that lost to Spain in the final match of the 2010 World Cup.

They called him "The Flying Dutchman." Not exactly original, but awesome nevertheless. After all, wouldn't you love to have that nickname? Even if you're not Dutch?

7. Gennaro

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GENOA, ITALY - NOVEMBER 27: Gennaro Gattuso of AC Milan in action during the Serie A match between UC Sampdoria and AC Milan at Stadio Luigi Ferraris on November 27, 2010 in Genoa, Italy. (Photo by Massimo Cebrelli/Getty Images)

Genarro Gattuso is a defensive midfielder for Milan. He has also played in three World Cups as a member of the Italian national team, and was on the team that won it in 2006.

They call him "Braveheart." I don't care why they do. All I know is that I would kill for such a nickname.

Braveheart, for the record, is the best movie ever made.

6. Robbie

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TOWNSVILLE, AUSTRALIA - NOVEMBER 28: Robbie Fowler of the Glory yells out to linesman during the round 16 A-League match between the North Queensland Fury and the Perth Glory at Dairy Farmers Stadium on November 28, 2010 in Townsville, Australia. (Photo

Robbie Fowler is an English footballer who currently plays for Perth Glory in the A-League. But before that, he carved a legend for himself as the fourth-highest goalscorer in the history of the Premiere League, scoring 128 goals for Liverpool.

They call him "God." Nuff said.

5. Steven

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LONDON, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 17: Steven Gerrard of England reacts during the international friendly match between England and France at Wembley Stadium on November 17, 2010 in London, England. (Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images)

Steven Gerrard captains the Liverpool team of the English Premiere League. He has also been a member of the English national team since 2000, and has scored 19 goals in international competition.

They call him "Captain Fantastic." Mainly because he's awesome and because it's the only superhero name that hasn't been trademarked yet.

4. Roberto

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22 Oct 2000: Roberto Baggio of Brescia is chased by Fabio Rossitto of Fiorentina during the Brescia v Fiorentina Serie A match played at the Mario Rigamonti stadium in Brescia. Mandatory Credit: Grazia Neri/ALLSPORT

Roberto Baggio is yet another player who is no longer active, but he is considered one of the best footballers in the history of the game. He is the only Italian player to ever score in three different World Cups, the last coming in 1998.

In any case, they call him "Il Divin Codino," which means "The Divine Ponytail." 

For the record, his ponytail is not actually a god. And I suppose it wouldn't be. He's a Buddhist.

3. Paul

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GLASGOW, SCOTLAND - NOVEMBER 24: Paul Scholes of Manchester United during the UEFA Champions League Group C match between Glasgow Rangers and Manchester United at Ibrox on November 24, 2010 in Glasgow, Scotland. (Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images)

Paul Scholes is a midfielder for Manchester United. He also played on the English national team from 1997-2004.

They called him the "Ginger Ninja." Because he's actually a ginger-flavored ninja.

It's actually because he's got red hair and because he'll kill you in your sleep. Something like that.

2. Phillip

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DURBAN, SOUTH AFRICA - JULY 07: Dejected Philipp Lahm of Germany after being knocked out of the tournament during the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa Semi Final match between Germany and Spain at Durban Stadium on July 7, 2010 in Durban, South Africa.

Phillip Lahm is a defender who plays for Bayern Munich, and has been a member of the German national team since 2004.

They call him "The Magic Dwarf," which I assume has something to do with his small stature (he's about 5'7").

But I've guessed wrong before. Maybe he does have magic powers. And maybe even an invisible beard.

1. Lionel

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BARCELONA, SPAIN - NOVEMBER 29: Lionel Messi of Barcelona looks on during the La Liga match between Barcelona and Real Madrid at the Camp Nou Stadium on November 29, 2010 in Barcelona, Spain. Barcelona won the match 5-0. (Photo by David Ramos/Getty Ima

Messi is an Argentine footballer who plays for FC Barcelona, as well as the Argentina national team. He often draws comparisons to Diego Maradona, one of the great footballers of all time.

They call Messi "Atomic Flea" because he's both small and powerful, which is just what an atomic flea would indeed be like.

Either way, I say congratulations to you, Atomic Flea. Yours is the coolest nickname in football.