English Premier League Transfer Market Awards

Welcome to the Annual EPL Transfer market Awards, held each year (hence annual) after the madness of the silly season.

"The Who" Award: Not to the band or anyone out the top four.

Winner: Liverpool

Reason: Diego Cavalieri (undisc. from Palmeiras), David Ngog (£1.5m from PSG), Emmanuel Mendy (free from Murcia Deportivo), Vito Flora (free from Botafogo), Peter Gulacs (nominal from MTK Hungaria), Albert Riera (undisc. from Espanyol).

Acceptance speech:  Rafa Benitez went on to say they couldn't be as bad as Bellamy and Voronin.

"Dodgey" Award: For being just that

Winner: Manchester United

Reason: For Uncle Alex picking up Dimitar Berbatov at the airport without Spurs permission, then shortchanging them with giving them Frazier Campbell to replace him because there is no time to get anyone of quality.

Acceptance speech: Broken Scottish mumbling that no-one understood.

"You've Finally seen the light" Award: For finally realising you aren't at the right club.

 Winners: The Chelsea square of Sidwell, Wright-Phillips, Shevchenko, and Tal Ben Haim.

 Reason: Shame, it just wasn't the club for you.

 Acceptance speech: Shaun Wright-Phillips accepted the award via satellite with highlight of his first game back at City and his two goals.  

"The False Announcement" Award: For thinking a player had signed for you when in fact they hadn't.

Winners: Chelsea for Robinho and Man U for Aaron Ramsey.

Reason: Chelsea website offering Robinho shirts and Man U announcing they'd signed welshmen Ramsey.

Acceptance speech: Peter Kenyon received the award wearing a No. 7 "Robinho" shirt and said he was selling them from the the boot of his car for a man city match ticket.

"What were you thinking?" Award: For not using that grey matter between your ears.

Winners: West Brom

Reason: Giving Kevin Phillips to Birmingham for free. He's a red hot goalscorer in the Premiership.

Acceptance speech: The invitation was lost in the mail. We didn't know where West Brom was. PS—Phillips has already scored three league goals for Birmingham. 

"Chain Reaction" Award: For creating a domino affect.

Winners: Spurs, Blackburn, Aston Villa

Reasons: Gomez went to Spurs so Robinson went to Blackburn so Friedel went to Villa..... now say it fast.

Acceptance speech: Light entertainment was provided by a World Record dominoes attempt. Don't ask me what happened, no one really cared.

"All that and a bag of chips" Award: For Being the talk of the town.

Winners: Man City

Reason: For making the most "awesomeness" last day of the silly season. Abu Dhabi group buys City and, well, what can I say? ROB-IN-HO.

Acceptance speech: Blue Moon was played. No one from City was present as Man U thought they had this award in the bag. 

Thank you for attending the EPL Transfer Market Awards ceremony. In closing, don't forget Peter Kenyon will be selling Chelsea Robinho shirts from his car boot.