Brady vs. Manning: Rapunzel Or The Vol, We Answer "Who Is The NFL's Best QB?"

There has always been a lot of talk about who the best quarterback is in the NFL. Some, like my father, tend to speak about the best ever. He swears up and down that Johnny Unitas will never be topped as the greatest ball slinger to ever take a snap. Others will argue that you could put Joe Namath on any team and he would out perform that teams current QB. 

And then there are those who claim that Keanu Reeves’ performance in “The Replacements” is some of the best quarterbacking work ever choreographed, especially his footwork with Annabelle Farrell.

I thought the cheerleaders weren’t allowed to date the players? I think Chris Cooley has a legitimate complaint here, folks. Hey Snyder, you owe Cooley’s wife a job buddy. I mean he’s no Shane Falco but Chris Cooley does score actual points for your organization, so I’m thinking that should maybe carry a little more weight than an “EFFF, BEEE, EYYYEEE… Agent.” 

“The Replacements” was based on the Washington Redskins team during the strike season, was it not? If I recall, we (Washington) won the Superbowl that year. Of course I recall that game. 42-10 Skins.

I remember watching from the fifth row of then Jack Murphy Stadium in San Diego as John Elway took the first snap from under center and heaved it to his right for a long TD bomb to put Denver up 6-0 on the Skins.

Speaking of John Elway, he is another guy that often comes up in conversation when speaking of the greatest QB to ever play the game. Forget about all of the Super Bowls he lost, he ended his career as Brett Favre wishes he could end his, with two straight Super Bowl wins.

Let’s be honest, Brett Favre would have been a possible entry in this conversation but as of today I think Brett would be happy just to have an unlimited texting plan and a pair of comfortable Crocs.

But when discussing the best QB in the game today, the conversation always centers around the same three names: Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Drew Brees. Now obviously this column is completely opinion based and therefore some of you will disagree with me, but I will immediately eliminate Drew Brees from this conversation. 

He’s a great QB no doubt, but Brady and Manning are on an entirely different level. It’s like trying to claim that “The Godfather: Part III” is right up there with parts one and two. It does have one of the best lines in the trilogy, “Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in.”

Much like Brees had a great Superbowl victory for New Orleans and, frankly, it couldn’t have come at a better time for the city. But that’s it, “who dat” is done. Time to reload Nawlins. 

So that leaves Brady and Manning at the top of the list. And they are playing each other head to head right now as I type this column. It’s mano-a-mano, one v. one, the long silky flowing locks against the commercial king.

Who is the best? It’s always difficult to decipher these types of conundrums. But let’s take a stab at it shall we?

We can compare statistics and see who has more passing yards, more completions, fewer interceptions, more touchdown passes etc… But that won’t tell us the story.

They both have great stats. Peyton was a first-round pick and Brady was a seventh rounder. This alone could be used to argue that Brady has overcome more, but we’re not filming an “E! True Hollywood Story” episode.

The only thing that matters is results, and Brady has three Super Bowl victories and one small hiccup. A velcro on the helmet reception (David Tyree) followed up by a winning TD catch from everybody’s favorite “I need to bring a gun into a club when I’m wearing my sweat suit and accidentally shoot myself in the leg” ex-wide receiver and current felon, Plaxico Antonio Burress.

Currently we have the dynamic duo facing off once again on the gridiron tonight in Foxboro. To be honest it is like watching a slightly slower tennis match. Brady orchestrates a scoring drive and then Manning marches down the field with one of his own.  Then Brady, then Manning and back and forth, back and forth.

What’s even better is the television coverage of this chess game. As Peyton Manning is marching his team down the field fitting passes into the tightest of places while his receivers make phenomenal receptions, the producer switches cameras to Tom Brady who is either going over plays with his receivers or tossing the ball to keep warm because he knows that it won’t be long until he has to do the exact same thing in order to keep the Pats in the lead.

Never once did I see Brady watching Manning work his magic on the field. It’s sort of a respect thing. Tom understands that Peyton is going to do his job and that his defense is pretty much powerless to stop him.

Brady is therefore focused on what he will have to do next. Either that or he is thinking of which shampoo Troy Polamalu uses to get that subtle shine that glistens, just so, when the sun hits his hair from the perfect angle.

Only Brady knows for sure what is going on in his head while Peyton throws for another touchdown but we do know one thing for certain, you are going to get nowhere in fantasy football by drafting an Indianapolis running back.

In case any of you have forgotten about last year's epic game between these two teams when the Patriots led by seventeen hundred points in the fourth quarter and the Colts came back to win the game by scoring seventeen hundred and one points in the final six seconds of the game, the commentators couldn’t help but remind us every opportunity they got.

Disclaimer: The above numbers might be slightly off by a margin of one or two, here and there. I find that actual research is for people who have more time on their hands than they know what to do with and while that pretty much describes me, I have a laziness disease that actually prevents me from confirming these statistics. A debilitating medical condition really. Never fear, though, I am pretty sure that I am almost dead on. 

The bottom line is that the same thing was in the making during tonight's game. The Pats led 31-17 and the Colts rattled off two touchdowns within a three minute, eleven second span (I’m pretty sure about these numbers).

With under two minutes left to play, Peyton was again working his magic and the Colts were within field goal range, poised to tie the game. So, why wouldn’t you run the ball a couple of times and then call time out bringing on ex-Patriot Adam Vinatieri to drill a chip shot and send this game into overtime? You wouldn’t because you have Peyton Manning at the helm. 

That would be like asking Yeoman-Purser Burl “Gopher” Smith to take the wheel and navigate through the iceberg field while you send Merrill Stubing to ride the pine. You wouldn't do that. No sane cruise director would allow it. You have Peyton Manning, let him win you the game. 

And so it seems that “The Love Boat” analogy really hit home with coach Jim Caldwell as he left Manning in the game to bring home the “W” for Indy. Now here is where the answer to this column's question becomes tricky and, to be honest, the very reason that the question of the greatest quarterback to ever play the game will be debated for all eternity. 

Manning threw an interception and the Pats ran out the clock to win the game. Was this because it was a poor pass by Peyton? Was it because the receiver ran the wrong route? Was it because the defensive pressure forced Manning to release the ball too early or off target? Was it because the defensive back made a spectacular play?

Was it a combination of all of these things? And which of these reasons can be directly attributed to the quarterback, if any? 

Nobody will ever have a definitive answer to who the best QB to ever play in the NFL is or was. It will always be a hotly debated topic usually ending in both parties firmly entrenched in their respective camps and both with equally impressive arguments.

Unless, of course, they side with Democratic North Carolina Congressman Heath Shuler (yeah he actually played football. Well “played” is a strong word).

So the bottom line is that there is no answer to this quandary pertaining to Brady versus Manning but if you want my extensively researched opinion...Brady, hands down folks. Dude is married to Gisele, need I say more?