SEC Football: War Is Hell, and So Is This Conference

A couple seasons ago, Nick Saban and the Tide lost their last game at Bryant-Denny to UL Monroe. After the game, he made some rather bizarre comments. He called the loss a tragedy, and likened it to events such as Pearl Harbor and 9/11. In any other conference that would probably be the most absurd thing a coach has ever said, but this is the SEC. With characters like Houston Nutt, Les Miles, and Saint Nick, there is no shortage of on and off-field insanity.

This week we can add Derek Dooley to that list of loony SEC personalities.

After the loss to Alabama he compared his team to Nazi Germany on D-Day. Yeah, that's right, Nazi Germany. I'm not going to ask why anyone would want to liken themselves to the Third Reich (there isn't  a good answer for this). Instead, I'm going to roll with it. Can we go ahead and make "Rommel" Dooley's official nickname?

Better yet, if Tennessee is Germany in World War II, what armies would other SEC be likened to? Let's take a quick look at how the SEC would have fared in WWII!

Alabama: USSR

I know Dooley compared Alabama to the United States in his press conference, but I feel that this is a better comparison. The motherland's tactics in the war were overwhelm to overcome. They used their massive army to obliterate Germany on the Eastern front.

Now let's look at Alabama. They have the largest pool of talent of any team in the country. They haven't had a recruiting class outside the top five in a couple years now. They have a Heisman winner starting at running back and a freak of nature as his backup. Also, Saban could make a rather convincing Stalin. I know their color is technically Crimson, but let's just call them the Red Scare for now.

Auburn: United States

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AUBURN - OCTOBER 16: Quarterback Cam Newton #2 of the Auburn Tigers runs with the ball during the game against the Arkansas Razorbacks at Jordan-Hare Stadium on October 16, 2010 in Auburn, Alabama. (Photo by Mike Zarrilli/Getty Images)

Yeah, I'm being a little biased in making my team the United States, and if it was last year I'd probably put them down as Japan with all the Gus Malzahn Trickery. This year, however, is different.

Auburn is currently the No. 1 team in the BCS. We haven't seen Gus' "Gimmick" offense this year. What we have seen is a seemingly unstoppable run game with a respectable passing game mixed in. Auburn has had troubles in special teams and defense during various games, but both of those units have shown great promise in others.

The biggest comparison that I can make between Auburn and the US is that the Tigers have the bomb, and his name is Newton.

Georgia: Great Britain

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JACKSONVILLE, FL - OCTOBER 30: A.J. Green #8 of the Georgia Bulldogs attempts to catch a pass against Ahmad Black #35 of the Florida Gators during the game at EverBank Field on October 30, 2010 in Jacksonville, Florida. (Photo by Sam Greenwood/Getty Ima

I like Georgia's resilience this year. After a horrible start,  they've seemingly bounced back and are now in contention for the SEC East Title. Britain was battered by the German bombing campaigns but was saved by the graces of it's own daring pilots. The Georgia receivers, led by possible first round draft pick AJ Green, is a lot like the brave RAF pilots who fended off Nazi Bomber groups. 

Mississippi: Poland

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TUSCALOOSA, AL - OCTOBER 16: Nick Gentry #58 of the Alabama Crimson Tide pressures quarterback Jeremiah Masoli #8 of the Ole Miss Rebels at Bryant-Denny Stadium on October 16, 2010 in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Ole Miss didn't even realize the Season had started before they were taken down, much like Poland at the beginning of the war.

Florida: France

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GAINESVILLE, FL - OCTOBER 16: Quarterback Chris Relf #14 of the Mississippi State Bulldogs runs upfield against nose tackle Lawrence March #90 of the Florida Gators October 16, 2010 Ben Hill Griffin Stadium at Gainesville, Florida. (Photo by Al Messers

Only Gator fans will try to argue against this, but in their hearts, they know it is true. This may not be who Florida resembles at the end of the year, but losing three in a row makes it look like they just surrendered.

Kentucky: Japan

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LEXINGTON, KY - OCTOBER 09: Cam Newton #2 of the Auburn Tigers runs with the ball during the SEC game against the Kentucky Wildcats at Commonwealth Stadium on October 9, 2010 in Lexington, Kentucky. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

Kentucky is one of those teams that could be good, but the season just hasn't panned out for them. Much like the Japanese, they made one huge statement in beating the Gamecocks, but have dropped the ball in too many games to think they are in serious contention in the East.

Also, like Japan, the SEC's United States had to drop the bomb on them to win it all. Newton sealed Auburn's victory by rushing on 10 out of 19 plays during the final drive to set up a game winning field goal.

Les Miles: Neville Chamberlain

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BATON ROUGE, LA - OCTOBER 16: Head coach Les Miles of the Louisiana State University Tigers watches his team warm up before playing the McNeese State Cowboys at Tiger Stadium on October 16, 2010 in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty

I don't have a country to compare to LSU, but Les Miles is definitely the Neville Chamberlain of college football.

Neville Chamberlain was the Leader of Great Britain before the War, and about eight months into it. He's best known for his brilliant plan to stop the expansion of Germany by doing absolutely nothing to stop them. Sounds a lot like Les Miles' plan to fix his offense.

Arkansas: Italy

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AUBURN, AL - OCTOBER 16: Quarterback Ryan Mallett #15 of the Arkansas Razorbacks warms up before the game against the Auburn Tigers at Jordan-Hare Stadium on October 16, 2010 in Auburn, Alabama. The Tigers beat the Razorbacks 65-43. (Photo by Mike Zarr

Arkansas was a real threat this season. They remain a major threat for every team left on their schedule.

Unfortunately, come the end of the season they will be an after thought, having already lost to Auburn and Alabama.

When you think of WWII, you think of Germany and Japan as our enemies. Italy is often forgotten despite the fact that the Italian campaign lasted almost two years.

South Carolina: China

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LEXINGTON, KY - OCTOBER 11: Chris Smelley #7 of the South Carolina Gamecocks runs with the ball while defended by Winston Guy #19 of the Kentucky Widcats during the game at Commonwealth Stadium on October 11, 2008 in Lexington, Kentucky. (Photo by Andy

China had earned some respect at the end of World War II, and grew into one of the most powerful nations in the world. That's how I see South Carolina right now. They are showing flashes of greatness, but aren't all together yet.They have some good years ahead of them, much like China did.

Unfortunately for the Gamecocks, China was slapped around by Japan during World War II.

Vanderbilt: Canada

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DELHI, INDIA - OCTOBER 03: Members of the Canada team wave their nation's flag during the Opening Ceremony for the Delhi 2010 Commonwealth Games at Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium on October 3, 2010 in Delhi, India. (Photo by Mark Dadswell/Getty Images)

Most people don't even realize Canada did anything in WWII.