The Mitchell Report—Names, Names, and More Names

If you’re interested, you can download the entire Mitchell Report here.

If you’re from New England, you’re probably buried under a foot of snow right now. Some of us never actually made it home from work as Route 1 was….to put it nicely…a complete disaster. Yet no matter how bad of an afternoon you had, it can’t compare to the afternoon the Yankees just had.

Two of their best players surfaced in the Mitchell Report. Two marquee players from their last championship team. Sure, they’re denying it. But it doesn’t matter. This isn’t Jose Canseco throwing out names here. This is a former US Senator. A man who was offered a nomination to the US Supreme Court. A man who went to Northern Ireland and brokered a peace deal. A man who is universally respected inside and outside of baseball.

Ouch!

It'll be interesting to see how Hank Steinbrenner (my new favorite baseball owner) responds.

Some quick thoughts on the names that surfaced today (for the entire list, click here)…

Roger Clemens

It’ll be interesting to see if he gets the Barry Bonds treatment. To be fair, if Bonds has an asterisk next to his homerun record, shouldn’t Clemens have one next to his seven Cy Youngs and 354 wins?

Andy Pettitte

Didn’t see this one coming. Always thought highly of Pettitte. I guess he used HGH to get over injuries. Whatever. I’m still not sure where I stand on HGH. I’ve heard some people on the radio talk about it like it’s a miracle drug, not a steroid. Who knows? Maybe someday it’ll be legal.

Mo Vaughn

A fat guy on steroids? I guess Vaughn skipped the working-out part of the steroid regiment. Maybe he mistook “the cream” and “the clear” for chocolate pudding or something?

Eric Gagne

I’m shocked!

John Rocker

I’m shocked again!

Brian Roberts

If this is true (and it’s by far the sketchiest inclusion in the report) then it puts a whole new spin on steroids guys. He’s a speed guy. Sure, he has a little pop, but you hardly look at Brian Roberts and think steroids.

Chuck Knobloch

Just following the Yankee Way.

Mike Lansing

I remember Mike Lansing’s cup of coffee with the Red Sox. He was awful. Imagine how awful he would have been off the juice?

Miguel Tejada

Apparently “B-12” in Spanish actually means “stanozolol” (sorry Palmeiro!). Too bad Miguel doesn’t speak Spanish. Wait….

Brendan Donnelly

And so ends the Red Sox career of Brendan Donnelly.

Moving Forward

So what should baseball do? Here’s my five-step program for resolving baseball’s steroid crisis:

1) Bud Selig and Donald Fehr need to resign. This happened under their watch. Selig is not the man to fix the situation. Fehr has spent too much time helping create the situation to have any credibility when it comes to fixing it.

2) They need to change the testing to a year-round program, complete surprise testing, multiple tests per year per player, completed by an outside organization with no ties whatsoever to MLB or any MLB team.

3) They need to create a policy that says if there is credible evidence moving forward that you purchased HGH, steroids, or any other banned substance it will be treated like a positive test. This is crucial to a successful policy. You can’t have guys like Gary Matthews Jr. saying “Sure, I had it shipped to me…but I didn’t take it. No positive test!”

4) 1st offense, one year suspension. 2nd offense, 2 year suspension. 3rd offense, 3 year suspension. And so on.

5) Remove Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens from the record books. Openly and forcefully state that baseball will not celebrate the achievements of known cheaters. Announce this as a policy moving forward. If you win a Cy Young and we find out you were on steroids, we take it away (along with any bonuses you received because of it). If you win an MVP and we find out you were on HGH, we take it away. If you’re inducted into the Hall of Fame and we find out you were sharing needles with Jose Canseco, we take down your plaque.

For the record, I would be a far more effective baseball commissioner than Bud Selig. No way an All Star game ends in a tie on my watch.

I’m SeanMC.