10 Things the Oregon Ducks Must Avoid To Defeat the Washington State Cougars

Championship-caliber teams are known for their discipline, conditioning, and ability to treat each game like the BCS Championship match, no matter how lowly the opponent.  

Oregon Duck's head coach, Chip Kelly, is known to keep his No. 3 Ducks squad focused on the opponent at hand.  This is exemplified in his mantra of "Win The Day".

Even a big green scoring machine like Oregon can run into challenges, especially when playing a Pac-10 opponent in an away game. 

Here are the ten things the Oregon Ducks must avoid in order to stay perfect for the year and beat the Cougars of Washington State.

Forgetting That the Game Is in Pullman. At 2 PM.

The lovely Martin Stadium.

My Dad always told me that showing up was 90 percent of the battle and that the other half was fortitude.  I get my math skills from him.  

I honestly don't know if the Ducks roll in a bus, or if Phil Knight springs for a private jet.  In case they drive, here's directions.  

If they do fly, they should just tell the pilot where they want to go.  Those guys are awesome at finding places.  

Be sure to slip the pilot an extra double sawbuck for making him wait for you in Pullman of all places.

Autzen Stadium2727 Leo Harris PkwyEugene, OR 97401-8835

1.	Head northeast on Leo Harris Pkwytoward N Walnut Rd		390 ft
2.	Turn left at Martin Luther King Jr Blvd		1.2 mi
3.	Turn right at Coburg Rd		0.1 mi
4.	Merge onto I-105 E via the ramp to I-5/Springfield/Portland		1.2 mi
5.	Continue onto OR-126 E		0.4 mi
6.	Take exit 4B on the left to merge onto I-5 N toward Portland		107 mi
7.	Take exit 300 to merge onto I-84 E/US-30 E toward Portland Airport/The DallesContinue to follow I-84 E		177 mi
8.	Take the exit onto I-82 WEntering Washington		30.7 mi
9.	Take exit 113 to merge onto US-395 N toward I-182 N/Kennewick/Pasco		5.4 mi
10.	Take the ramp onto US-395 N		2.0 mi
11.	Take the exit onto I-182 E/US-12 E/US-395 N toward I-182/Spokane/Walla Walla		1.9 mi
12.	Take exit 14 to merge onto US-395 N/N Oregon St toward SpokaneContinue to follow US-395 N		43.8 mi
13.	Take the State Route 26 exit towardColfax/Othello		0.4 mi
14.	Turn right at WA-26 E/State Route 26 E/Ward St E		72.3 mi
15.	Turn right at W Walla Walla Hwy		338 ft
16.	W Walla Walla Hwy turns slightly rightand becomes US-195 S/N Main StContinue to follow US-195 S		13.9 mi
17.	Turn left at WA-270 E		308 ft
18.	Turn right at WA-270 E/Davis Way		2.2 mi
19.	Turn left at N Grand Ave		0.7 mi
20.	Take the 2nd right onto NE Stadium WayDestination will be on the right		1.0 mi

Martin StadiumStadium Way & NE Wilson StPullman, WA 99164-0001

Quicksand.

Not saying that there is any quicksand on the way to Pullman, but if you think that encountering quicksand would be good for the Ducks, you're a lunatic.  Avoid.

Leaving Their Helmets in Eugene.

The Ducks must avoid leaving their helmets at home.  Pure and simple, they will not be allowed to play without them.  It's a safety thing.  

Thank god that the Ducks equipment managers are the best in the Pac-10 and could most likely suit up and beat the Cougars themselves.  My guess is they totally bring the helmets.

Letting The WSU Mascot Tie Their Shoes Together.

This is the second oldest trick in the book* and the Ducks cannot fall prey to these types of shenanigans from the WSU Cougar, or anyone else.

*The oldest trick in the book is the joy buzzer.

Letting Pullman Lull Them into a Coma.

If God wanted you to be bored to catatonia in Eastern Washington, he wouldn't have made 3G iPads.

That's right, Steve Jobs is God.  Boom.

Laughing To Death Over Wazzu Jokes.

The biggest Cougar joke ever, Ryan Leaf.

Stay focused, Ducks.  If you gotta laugh, do it now, get it out of your system:

Q: How do you neuter a Cougar?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw!

Q: What do Cougar Football players always get on their final exams?
A: Drool.

Q: What do you call a cougar golfing with an IQ of 120?

A: A foursome!

Q: Why are a tornado and a cougar divorce similiar? 
A: You can count on someone losing a trailer!

Q: What does a Cougar say to a Husky at MacDonald's?
A: "May I take your order, sir?"

Q: What's the biggest lie told in Pullman? 
A: "I was just helping that sheep over the fence."

Q: What's the number one pickup line used for picking up WAZZU chicks?
A: "Hey, nice tooth!"

Q: What do Cougar cheerleaders and Cougar quarterbacks have in common? 
A: They're always on their backs.

Q: How do you keep cougars out of your yard?
A: Put up goalposts.

Q: What has 20 legs and 3 teeth?
A: The first row of fans at Martin Stadium.

Q: How do you keep a Cougar from drinking too much?
A: Slam the toilet on his head.

A Coug riddle: If two Cougs get married in Pullman and then move to Seattle, are they still brother and sister?

Last night there was a fire at the WSU library. They lost 20 books to the flames. The worst part was that 15 of them hadn't been colored in yet!

Allowing WSU AD Bill Moos To Convince Them That There's a "Field Tax".

Former Oregon athletic director Bill Moos might try to convince the Ducks that there's some kind of "pay to play" fee, tax, or tariff in effect for Pac-10 games, but it's total nonsense.

This week he tried to shake Oregon down for $100,000 to allow the game to be televised.  I'm not sure what finally went down, but I know I'll be watching the game on my 55" HDTV and the smell of Pullman will be almost 7 hours away.  

Suck it, weasel.

Piranhas.

Piranhas are super dangerous.  Did you see that 3D movie with the guy from Pulp Fiction and the guy from Kangaroo Jack?  Brutal.

To be totally honest, the Ducks don't just have to avoid Piranhas to beat the Cougars, they really shouldn't be in any situation at all where there's Piranhas involved.  At the very least it means they didn't go the right way on I-90.

The Wiley Charms Of The WSU Cou-Girls.

I was trying to think of some kind of joke about cougars, like the old broads that skank on young dudes, but they were all totally lame.  To be honest, this whole slideshow is pretty lame, but seriously, what can you say about a game where the Ducks are favored by 34 and will probably win by 60?  Not much.

So last thing the Ducks must avoid: getting sucked into the love vortex by the siren song of the (WSU) Cougar cheerleaders.  So Ducks, when you're scoring your 11th TD of the day and you glance over at the scantily clad ladies in crimson and grey, just remember that is someone's sister, wife, and cousin.  

Go Ducks!