College Football Rankings Week 5: The Terrible 10

Is the Clemson Tiger Miami Hurricane game over yet?

Or are the officials reviewing one more play or throwing one more flag?

Is it still on a commercial break or a coaches review?

Are the zebra' s heads still stuck in the review trough?

Are the networks plugging those gut killing, obnoxious Burger King breakfast songs for the fiftieth time of the afternoon?

Is college football becoming like the old days of boxing when boxers like Jack "the Nonpareil" Dempsey or John L Sullivan fought dozens of rounds?

The longest boxing match ever was a lightweight battle between Jack Burke and Jack McAuliffe. That sporting event lasted over seven hours and went 111 rounds until the exhausted referee called it a no contest.  

And that bout was before television timeouts, coaches challenges, and official reviews. 

1] Western Kentucky Hilltoppers [0-24]

The win less Florida Atlantic Golden Panthers will line up against the Hilltoppers this week in a key Terrible Ten match-up. 

Big Red, the Hilltopper slowly going mad mascot, can feel something strange in the air. It smells like victory...

But if it is a loss Big Red believes he can find a home among a manatee family in the sea.

2] The State of New Mexico [0-9].

Mean Boise State blasted the Billy the Kid State Aggies 59-0 making their season score 184-47.

Ouch!

Meanwhile Los Lobo are down 263 to 61.

This week the weak meet at last.

The Billy the Kid Bowl, New Mexico vs New Mexico State, begins at eight eastern though ESPN Game-day center will likely start at eleven. 

3] Florida Atlantic Golden Panthers [0-4]

This is a game the pounded Panthers circled all season.

The week, after being routed by the hapless Pitt Panthers in the Pathetic Panther Bowl, they could claim a share of the Terrible Ten title by being routed by Big Red and his galloping Hilltoppers.

4] Ron Zook 

Zookie it's fourth down in the fourth quarter and your playing number Two Ohio State.

Your program badly needs a lift and your likely going to need a job.

The fans are frothing the players battling above their heads.

Ohio State and its star look like their sleep walking.

A touchdown ties the game and gives the Illinois might mo.

By the galloping ghost of the Galloping Ghost go for the win.

5] Les Miles

When it's clock management time in a close game it seems like Les is listening loony tunes on his headset instead of clock tips. 

6]  Texas Longhorns [3-2]

Those old Alabama Elephants might have set them back a decade or two.

Just wait till Nebraska nails the Horns.

7] Minnesota Golden Gophers [1-4]

Slowly Gopher Fans are realizing that If Brett Favre flies away and the Vikings themselves go to Los Angles to film the sequel to The Vikings this is the only football they will ever have.

And the Gopher fans' already had their Gopher tails clipped by the dreaded South Dakota Coyotes whose last big win was against George Armstrong Custer State.

8] Georgie Bulldogs [1-4]

Colorado Dan Hawkins might have just taken the scalp of Mark Richt.

Maybe Richt's Dawgs have decided to take a long nap this year.

Or maybe the Dawgs just ran away from their coach.

9] BYU Cougars [1-4]

I'm telling you Cougar fans letting Jim McMahon back on campus was a very bad idea.

McMahon's revenge will wreck havoc on the Cougars until they find the cursed, crushed Budweiser talismans' he buried under the sod.

10] Rutgers [2-2]

The worst team in the worst BCS league is lucky few people in Gotham and New Jersey follow College Football.

Rutgers fans hoping for a Big Ten bid better hope the league does not realize that.

Terrible Game of the week

Pittsburgh Panthers @ Notre Dame Fighting Irish

Forget the Billy the Kid New Mexico Bowl or the Western Hilltoppers quest to stay defeat this game has it all.

Bad football, boring game-plans, over hyped programs, madly babbling TV talking heads, bad mustaches, and Rudy it's all there.

The Terrible Stat of the week

Washington State's Paul Wulf is now 1-19 playing the PAC Ten.

Alas for Wulf Washington State is still in the PAC Ten. 

The Give Me Your Job Game of the Week

Iowa's Kirk Ferentz has beaten Penn State eight of the last nine.

If he makes it nine out of ten does he get Joe Paterno's job?