Byrds Nest Is Empty

I miss my bleachers being rattled. I miss the vibrations of screaming fans resonating around my walls. I miss the explosion of the crowd from a touchdown. I miss the deafening ‘hey, you suck!’ chant after our team scores. I miss my field being stormed. I miss the Maryland fight song being sung off tune by thousands of students who pretend to know the words. I miss the players leaping into a sea of arms after the game. I miss fans filling up my seats two hours before game time. I miss how it used to be.

You see, I am Byrd Stadium. A very empty Byrd Stadium. The two home games that Maryland has had this season have been two of the five lowest attendance rates in Ralph Friedgen era. The players blame the heat. I blame the players. I blame the fans. When Maryland set a school record with six consecutive wins over Top 25 teams in 2008 there were no problems filling seats.

But have we gotten to the point where you fans won’t come visit me even when our team isn’t very good? And on a related note, are we that bad?

The Terps have three wins already and we even made an impressive run against West Virginia. Our offense is exciting with quarterbacks Jamarr Robinson and Danny O’Brien providing a dynamic duo behind center. Torrey Smith is one of the most explosive receivers in the NCAA and safety Kenny Tate has made big play after big play every game.

But apparently a 3-1 record and a big-play style offense isn’t good enough for the fans. So I have some theories about how to bring you fair-weather, literally, fans back to my uncomfortable seats.

1. All-you-can-eat crabcakes for free. I’m going to hike up the cost of a normal ticket to pay for this new feature. After-all, crabcakes and football, that’s what Maryland does, right?
2. Tailgating in my outer rim before the game will be allowed. This will inspire fans to come early, take the edge off with a bewski or two so they can yell and scream like they used to and stay around for the game. Too many fans tailgate too far from me and they are too lazy to make their stumbling walk over into my former sea of red-clad fans. So I’m bringing the tailgate and all of our former fans back to me.
3. Buffets. College kids eat, especially when they have kicked back a few too many. So after the tailgate is over and the game begins there will be buffets of every kind of munchies a college kid could ask for. Greasy pizza, barbeque soaked wings, salty French fries, sugar-loaded sodas, questionable Chinese food and, of course, crabcakes.
4. Last but not least, I will be holding tryouts for a cheerleading team that cheers from the stands. So while that junior communications major is scarfing down his crabcake pizza and wings, he can ogle at the pretty, sparsely dressed girls while our football team continues its winning ways. Heaven on Earth.

Welcome back fans. Welcome back.