ESPN on Xbox Live: One Man's Adventure Into the Future

As I sat with controller in hand configuring my office’s new Xbox, I felt like a kid again.  A freakishly tall, business-casually attired, way-too-old-to-enjoy-potty-humor-the-way-I-do kid, but a kid nonetheless.

I felt nostalgic for the days when I cared less about the opposite gender than the record of my virtual Madden franchise. That sharp, shiny, black square of a console and its sleek controller minions.

I was so starry eyed with nostalgia that I almost lost sight of the fact that I am only 23 and still prefer video games to relationships. Fortunately, the new Xbox Live is so sophisticated that kids trapped in 23-year-old bodies can't help but enjoy it guilt-free.

ESPN on Xbox Live is by far the Xbox’s coolest feature.  The On-Demand content is vast and compelling—I wasted many hours in a scary maze of highlights, interviews, and Tony Kornheiser—but the live game-watching experience is the real incentive to turn on your Xbox. 

What sets watching ESPN3.com through your Xbox apart from watching on your laptop (if you are at work) is that it’s much easier to get caught, fired, and freed to explore everything your new Xbox has to offer.

Games at a Glance

With the click of a button, you can check scores from around the league without leaving the game you are watching.  This is a dream/nightmare come true for a fantasy football addict like myself, who once taped cardboard over the bottom third of his television so that he wouldn’t be tempted to watch the stat ticker instead of the actual game.

Predict the Winner

As easily as you can access scores from around the league, you can vote on who will win the game you’re watching: a perfect feature for holding friends accountable for their moronic predictions.

Voice Chat

You can ridicule said moronic friend through voice chat.  Trash-talking has never been lazier.  I predict this feature will put many bars and friendships out of business.

Kinect

Starting Nov. 4, you will be able to put your controller down and navigate ESPN on Xbox Live with the wave of a hand.  See the Hollywood film Minority Report for details.  This is no joke.  Everyone who has always wanted to be as short, successful, and unstable as Tom Cruise will soon have their chance.

If it’s not clear that Xbox Live is as appealing as ever, you are probably idolizing the wrong celebrities.  Tom Cruise is a golden god (see Oprah interview for details) and the Xbox is much, much more than a fun toy for adults.