USC-WSU: Trojans Look Good in Dress Rehearsal

USC takes their show on the road for their last dress rehearsal before the bright lights beckon. The earlier run-throughs were plagued by forgotten lines, falling scenery, and the occasional cow wandering through the middle of a dramatic scene.

Washington State is the perfect venue for working out the remaining kinks. A no-pressure, non-competitive environment far from the prying eyes of hardened critics. You can't get more off-Broadway then the Palouse, where the patrons are willing to applaud an unopened curtain and a belch is considered a soliloquy worthy of the bard.

The USC defense somehow misses their "five minutes to curtain call" page and stumbles onto the field only half in costume, hair uncombed, and in a few cases, with tell-tale streams of toilet paper trailing behind them. They give up their obligatory huge gain on 3rd-and-6, miss a game's worth of tackles on one wide receiver screen and eventually give up a gadget play score when Nickell Robey's vaunted 40" vertical leap somehow turns into a four-inch toe tap and subsequent face plant. Not exactly an auspicious opening scene.

Stanley Havili, who for three games played the part of the butler whose only line was "May I take your coat?" makes off with a whole cloak room full of expensive furs and sets sail for the end zone as if it were an overly generous pawn shop. Robert Woods edges in front of him and neatly nudges the last defender off Stanley's back. It's a nice gesture, but essentially meaningless, what with the Cougar defenders giving USC lessons on how missed tackles are really done. It's uncertain whether they were really trying to bring Stanley down or give him a congratulatory pat on the butt for his expanded role.

Robey atones for his opening act pratfall by squatting on a curl and taking it back for a touchdown. It's not exactly "A Star Is Born" but it's a start. Matt Barkley connects with Woods on a pretty back shoulder fade and there's little doubt that these two are already deserving of marquee status. The opening scene hiccup is largely forgotten and the audience is thoroughly enjoying the show.

Jurrell Casey continues to be the best kind of scene-stealer. He keep fudging his marks, moving closer and closer to the front of the stage, until he basically repositions his little part of the line of scrimmage a good two yards in the Washington State backfield. The rest of the defense rallies around his planted flag and suddenly they're in chorus line synchronicity. Turn-turn-kick-turn, turn-turn-kick-turn.

The rehearsal is going great until leading man Barkley inexplicably mangles about five pages of dialogue. After a USC punt block positions the Trojans to bring the curtain down early on WSU, Barkley matches the preordained first-down pass with a predetermined receiver and spears a Cougar linebacker at the goal line. The defense is caught in the middle of a costume change and before they know it the lowly Cougars have pantsed them for another long touchdown drive.

Just like that, another inexplicable cow has wandered through another critical scene and the few critics are left to wonder if David Lynch is directing this year's version of USC.

Even with stage whispers coming from each side of the stage, Barkley struggles to remember his lines. He throws another pick, twice turns the wrong way on stretch plays, and tries to reprise his back shoulder fade success with a streaking Ausberry, neglecting to notice that the smaller defensive back was already trailing and positioned to the outside. Fortunately, Havili is more than happy to steal all the lines, playing the role of big-play back and big-play receiver to perfection.  

It's a good thing Lane Kiffin is also the director of this production, because he's far too stiff to ever make it as an actor. His only lines seem to be, "We're disappointed" and "We've got to get better," but even with so little to remember, his delivery still lacks feeling.

Post intermission, the play goes relatively smoothly. Barkley gets a fresh copy of the script and sheepishly recognizes that he was reading Dane Crist's lines. The defense performs as a well-oiled ensemble, with Casey, Perry, Robey and McDonald playing off each other nicely. Alan Bradford gets a bit annoyed with Havili's one-man show and rips off a few impassioned runs. Once more unto the breach dear friends. The Trojans even make a two-point conversion and while the audience may not be that impressed, the producer and director burst into enthusiastic applause.   

Jawanza Starling shows a bit of inexperience as he times a hit beautifully on a ball over the middle and jars the ball free. It's a good line and he delivers it perfectly, right until the part where the receiver remains upright, Jawanza sprawls face first to the ground, and then jumps up spouting some extraneous dialogue. The crib notes definitely say, "No ad-libbing unless the opponent is the one on the ground." Actors.  

Dillon Baxter continues to amaze; not in a David Copperfield, making the pyramids disappear way, but more like a really good bit of legerdemain. There's nothing at the point of attack, he's hemmed in as neatly as if he was manacled and stuffed in the magician's trunk, and then there's a hip wiggle, a foot shuffle, a puff of blue smoke and he appears five or six yards down the field. I keep waiting to see what he would do with a legitimate crease, but perhaps it would only spoil the effect.

The Trojans wrap up the final act neatly, holding the ball for the last seven minutes and not allowing the traditional last-second touchdown. There's a few bouquets thrown and a couple of curtain calls, but it's not standing-ovation type stuff just yet. The real opening is next Saturday against Washington, with a command performance scheduled the following week at Stanford. After that, we'll know if USC has a hit on their hands.